Wednesday, 6 May 2020

FTL: Space Dust

[Part of the Adventures in Space journal]

With the Who the F* Cares back in sparkling mint condition, Rick pulls out from the space dock and right into... a magnetic space mine which latches on with a loud clang! "Oh god, oh god!" whined Morty. "What are we going to do?"

"D-don't worry Morty, I-I got this!" Rick exclaimed while typing furiously on buttons that didn't even remotely ressemble a keyboard which launched a missile that made a lazy u-turn in space. "I-I'm going to shoot it off!"

"BUT RIIIICK!"

"Trust me Morty, t-this is how we survive!"

The missile exploded against the hull, causing massive damage while dislodging the mine that subsequently exploded with a much smaller charge. Charlie and Morty repair the breaches as they fly on and at the Grand Basilisk, Rick kicks off their rock noble passenger against their will to get some sweet, sweet scrap from the Basilisk in exchange for this hearty meal.

They then jump to Zoltan space where a familiar research vessel awaits them... claiming that the procedure Rick previously undertook isn't complete. This is enough bait for them to fall for the trap, as the research vessel is now overtaken by pirates! Rick and Morty barely win against the four boarders using their tried and true "running away while shooting behind them" method, just in time before a Zoltan military vessel arrives and powers up their weapons.

This method seems to work on every adventure!

"What the hell!? I thought the Zoltan's were your friends?" said the shocked Morty.

"I-I don't have friends Morty," Rick replied dryly. "A-at least not in this episode!"

"Besides, l-look at those f-fuckwits. They probably t-think they're a-all macho having just killed s-some girls or something."

Powering up all their own weapons, Rick exchanges salvo after salvo with the Zoltans and this time the military ship is unable to keep up with the vastly upgraded Kestrel. As the Zoltans turn to flee Rick fires one last missile, right up their ass, and vaporizes them into space dust.

Insight: The Engi Medi-Bot dispersal augment is handy in that as long as it has power, all friendly crew on your ship are constantly getting healed. Otherwise, if you need to fight, try do so at your medbay to make use of the a healing advantage.

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