Friday 31 March 2017

Dragon's Dogma: Vocational Dangers

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After sealing up the Everfall (by putting a padlock I imagine, or maybe a sturdy 2x4 against the door), Ser Maximillian of the Duke's guard offers me to join the "Wyrm Hunt", which is more like a fancy way of asking for my help in investigating the return of the dragon to this land. I say sure, recruit myself a ranger names Ferris to replace my previously eaten, now certainly being digested team mate and then switch my vocation from fighter to assassin, because they get to use bows. I also switch Rose from mage to sorcerer, which is pretty much "mage with bigger spells".

The Wyrm Hunt investigation includes tracking down a spy in the Duke's court, one who supposedly works for the cult of "Salvation" - dragon worshipers who welcome the end. So, Cult of the Dragon exists here too. Check. Following said spy is pretty easy since he stands out like a sore thumb. More interesting is that this spy, Ser Julien, meets with the busty merchant Madeline as his contact. I just report this to Ser Maximillian who says he'll handle it.

She's that kind of girl.

Our next task involves recovering old slates from the Watergod Altar cave which hides behind a waterfall. While there's nothing overly strong in there the resident saurians remind me that there is no swimming (for humans) in this game, especially when one drags Ser Berne and Ferris to a watery grave. The lizardmen obviously can swim, but aren't very agile in the water making them easy targets for Rose's new spells.

Thursday 30 March 2017

Dragon's Dogma: Many Heads, All Hungry

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

This is not how I planned my day to start!

It's a good thing I literally sleep in full armor because I awake to the encampment being attacked by a hydra! My team quickly joins the soldiers including Ser Berne and Captain Mercedes in the defense. It takes a bit of doing, but cutting off one head is enough to send the rest squirming back to wherever it came from. Captain Mercedes wants to seize this opportunity to bring the head to Gran Soren as tribute to the Duke, so we set off with the remainder of her troops through a harpy and bandit infested mountain path.

With my squad taking point, we suffer no casualties at all. Upon reaching the capital Ser Mercedes and her company ditch us at the gate so they can claim the fame of the tribute themselves I suppose. Not that I mind. The good Ser Berne decides to stick with us though, which is great - another sword is always welcome. Before checking ou the sights, Lily suggests we visit the Pawn Guild who handle mercs like herself. The manager of that place, Barnaby, asks us to check out the not so convenient dungeon right underneath called the Everfall since "something odd" is going on there.

The huge spiraling pit is filled has a handful of undead, but upon reaching the bottom we clearly wake up some Eldritch entity as spell-casting tentacles with hungry mouths start appearing all over the place. They are killable with a bit of effort but they are endless. Ultimately we have to flee and just seal the door behind us. Anise doesn't make it.

*Nom nom nom!*

Wednesday 29 March 2017

Dragon's Dogma: Into the West

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Back at Cassardis, we meet the busty merchant Madeline who asks for an escort to the encampment which is easy enough. She even comes along for a short detour in clearing out lizard men from the town well. Once there she parts ways with us and I recruit Rook's replacement, a veteran warrior of infinite battles: Lily. We decide to go exploring to the West, stumbling across a friendly young witch who makes ales and less friendly foes in the form of brigands, goblins, phantoms, ogres who are "excited" by women, a chimera and even a drake!

This game makes a big deal out of hearts.

The drake is extra challenging since it charms Lily mid combat, meaning I have to fight her as well. Fortunately my magic ice sword from Bitterblack Isle deals with her effectively while skirting around the beast. Fortunately knocking her unconscious is enough to break the monster's will over her and it is over powered in a long fight. More difficult however are the phantoms, since our melee weapons go right through them.

It is up to Rose's magic to keep them at bay as the eerie cloud form ghosts (ghosts done well, better than TESO for sure!) take turns "latching" on to us to drain life force. At one point it seems the forest is filled with these bastards but with the dawning of the sun they vanish - which quite literally saves us. Anise, is clearly shaken by the experience so we head back to the encampment to rest.

Tuesday 28 March 2017

Dragon's Dogma: Stage One - DEATH!

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Having earned some fame I am allowed (to create) my own bodyguard - who I design as Rose the sorceress (because, wifey!). I also recruit a warrior type lady named Anise and after some quick training exercises with Ser Berne, the sergeant at the encampment, we head back to Cassardis to hand in and complete a handful of other newbie quests (like flower picking). Since it is night time when we arrive, we find a spirit lady named Olra at the docks who asks for our help. I say yes, and we are warped to Bitterblack Isle.

That's not a big black curtain behind us...

This turns out to be an "end game" area but I don't care. We push through the insanely strong greater goblins and run into Death himself, who we have no option but to run from. Rook is too slow and gets beheaded by the reaper's scythe before it vanishes into the shadows. Undaunted, we push on - often having to run past things like giant skeletons, skeleton warlocks, a cockatrice, and gargoyles, until we reach a deep chamber which is the home to a giant floating eye.

This beholder is far too tough so we backtrack out of there for the time being. Fortunately we now have some pretty cool gear, enough XP to reach level 17 and a rather large sum of gold in the bank. :)

Monday 27 March 2017

Dragon's Dogma: Heart Eater

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After a strange dream where a knight named Savan hunted down a dragon... I inexplicably awoke in the small, peaceful fishing village of Cassardis which is clearly not part of Tamriel. It was also under attack be the very same dragon from the dream! With heroic instincts kicking in, I grabbed the nearest sword and attacked the beast only to be easily overpowered. It then proceeded to eat my heart. Somehow I still survived this. What!?

Mmm, tasty.

The dragon's voice was now in my head, asking me for a challenge - one I wouldn't decline. Grabbing the nearest rusty sword I headed out only to be stopped by a healer who wanted curative flowers to heal others injured in the attack. Because that's more important than going after the world-threatening dragon. Is this some sort of island in Guild wars? Who knows.

At the town gate I am joined by a magician named Rook who helps me save the traveling merchant Reynard from goblins and brings me to a small outpost called the encampment which is under attack by more goblins and a towering cyclops. With our assistance the monsters are beaten, and I am recognized as an "Arisen", which apparently translates to "someone who has had their heart eaten by the dragon" in this land.

I'm just going to go ahead and blame Sheogorath for this mess. :P

Sunday 26 March 2017

TESO: A Boon for my Servant

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Having been sent back to the Rift to deal with the problematic Reachmen who are allied with the Worm Cult, I make a detour to Riften (one of many to unload gear) and while there complete both Mages and Fighter's guild quest lines. For the Mages one, Shalidor uses the tomes to transport us to his missing island of Eyevea which Sheogorath has left littered with dremora. After cleaning those up we get to keep the island though Sheogorath does take the now insane tome decypherer, Valaste, with him back to the Shivering Isles. Shalidor still rewards me with a "library" type function (recall all books / papers through a menu).

Afterwards, I went to track down the murderous Argonian fighters guild master with the Fighters Guild to Coldharbour, where she openly admits to the murder of the previous leader - all because Meridia demanded to get the Fighter's Guild involved against Molag Bal. Conveniently, his "back up" weapon is here and I end up assisting her in destroying it along with a traitorous khajiit who Molag Bal transforms into a Demon Dragon thing.

Molag Bal should hand out boons more often - that looks cool!

The murderous Argonian is spared, but stripped of the guild master title which goes to Mr. replacement guy. I'm just happy that's all done and I can go back to exploring!

Saturday 25 March 2017

TESO: Convoluted by Design

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

When I get there, Windhelm is in the middle of a celebration for Jorunn's 10th year anniversary of being king. As expected, there is a party-pooper in the form of Fildgor, Jorunn's twin brother who resents the fact that he didn't become king. Fildgor's jealously leads him to start a civil war and making multiple attempts on his brother's life, each one stopped by yours truly, though Naryu does show up to help occasionally.

A Breton illusionist comes closest to slaying Jorunn with daedric poison, but thanks to a convoluted ritual involving dream walking and vampire blood he recovers fully. Does this mean Jorunn is a vampire/dhampir now? Not sure. Majorn the Ancient, the vampire who so willingly donated it to me after I helped him slay his son for making "sentient" thrall, seems to think so. Pity the game doesn't let me slay Majorn too.

After much chasing, I finally catch up to Fildgor at Sovngarde (of all places) and defeat him there where he is humiliated among all the dead heroes. I figure that's enough of a punishment for him and convince Jorunn to let him live. I also collect the final tome of Shalidor after one more silly trial from Sheogorath, and learn that the fighter's guild council has put out an arrest warrant for their current Argonian guildleader for he murder of their previous Nord guildleader. That stuff advances pretty slowly in the background.

I think Sheogorath's uncle was someone's stunt double in Resident Evil?

Friday 24 March 2017

TESO: The Alchemy of Graphics Cards

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

With the Mages Guild quest line coming along nicely, I also help the Fighters Guild  do some research on a secondary weapon of Molag Bal and begin the process to craft countermeasures to it. Bal must be really weak since he could only muster a few skeletons led by a weak lich to try stop that. On a side note: The Ghosts in TESO really need some better/more obvious lore. Not only do they have ghost clothes but they also hit me with ghost arrows from their ghost bows... what? Is there ghost gold where they buy ghost equipment from a ghost shop?

It is then time to get the rest of the Shadowfen back under control, and while the Worm Cult has a small presence here the main enemy are Dominion troops - soldiers of Queen Ayrenn! The Thalmor scum are causing all sorts of problems in the swamp, though truthfully it would help if the Argonians stopped leaving their powerful relics lying around.

Ooh, can I tame one as my steed?

There are awesome lightning dragon things in this region too, who look really cool. Alas, the biggest problem I have in this zone is the "blue hue" that enjoys crashing my graphics card making it a real pain to traverse! Fortunately following this forum post alleviates the problem, enabling me to not crash during dolmen invasions (because Molag Bal hasn't given up) and slaying the Dominion leader and alchemist Ruuvitar in the region. As if hearing my advice, the lizardmen then send their relics by ship up to Windhelm for safe keeping. Since my work here is done I decide to tag along.

Thursday 23 March 2017

House Wars III - Hail to the Storm King

Been awhile since my last House Wars entry, which is good, but nature has once again gathered its forces and attacked my home... this time with elemental powers starting with hail! These icey stones are quite pretty, alas apparently they also can make holes in the roof which sucks. Especially if you don't notice right away! Yep, I failed my observation roll.

Pretty... if only they weren't so annoying!

This led to me waking up to a light switch making an odd buzzing noise and was also quite hot to touch. Electricity was arcing behind it; the wires damaged thanks to the leak caused by the incessant rain. To be fair, I did kinda notice the roof getting damp marks earlier, but no roofer I contacted was willing to climb up onto a wet roof in windy conditions. That's suicide apparently.

Hired an expensive electrician to repair the thing and upgrade a few other bits and pieces, lights mainly - but he said we'd need to do something about that leak ASAP.

So we went to the not so local hardware shop, bought rope and tarp, recruited DL's assistance and followed through on my wife's plan to throw the ropes across the roof clear to the other side and yank it from there, removing the need for roof climbing. We needed to increase our throwing skills though, as mine kept falling short of the top (I have a slanty roof). At least I could tug it back down and try again.

DL managed to clear it with his basketball skills, but it wasn't enough to clear the other side. We couldn't pull that one back which meant... roof climbing time! In the windy rain! Yep! I channeled my inner ninja and Spider Joe, equipped with socks and shorts of climbing +2/int -2, was up there in no time and getting the huge tarp in place which my wifey and DL secured down below amidst evil mosquitoes.

I succeeded in my luck roll to not die up there. Now I just need to find someone to fix the damn thing properly.

Wednesday 22 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Battered and Broken

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

With the manor cleansed all that was left was to break through the army of brigands surrounding the hamlet lured by the promise of easy riches. I knew what they pinned their hopes on that damned 16 pound cannon which claimed the lives of yet more of our number. Blunder Buss, Quark, Zermu Terlu, Techno Viking, Gigal, Yarnheim and that dark elf Valaria, each of them slaughtered by the oncoming foe.

Then the gods heard our cries of help!

Ultimately it was Yuria, her Paleshade, Skrmischa and Dr. Vahlen who managed to reach the dreadful weapon and in a marathon of a fight filled with suppression techniques, destroyed it and all the entire battalion of brigand scum that accompanied it. With the way now clear, most of our number are taking advantage to leave this accursed place. Not I though, I am too old and weary - there is nothing left for me to see. That might sound ironic coming from a blind man, but I think I shall stay on as the new care taker of this place. As they say, to fight the abyss, one must know it.


Tuesday 21 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: We were rewarded with Madness

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

The gods smile upon us. Elizabeth, Alvinia and Shaliquor, Dr. Vahlen and the short in stature Skrmischa somehow found the way through the third floor of the dungeon, which had been twisted into living flesh and tissue. Their foes consisted of mammoth, beholder like cysts and horrific antibodies that could teleport them around the massive map. Despite all being near death, and hopelessly lost they still managed to find victory.

It was then my turn in what turned out to be the final floor where Kokabeel, Rocket Man, Sunbro Forever and I faced... the grounds keeper Penultimo? The mad man was in fact the wizard behind all the creatures here, and his mastery of sorcery was impressive but not unstoppable. It was only when he fused himself with the heart of darkness that his true power was revealed - unmaking Rocket Man and Kokabeel from existence before Sunbro and I finally put an end to his horrible life. It is just as well that we fought him now before the creature got stronger or we would not have had any chance.

As it is, he could already do this...

So this is what victory feels like, yet on the faces of those who descended into the Darkest Dungeon I can tell that their minds will be forever haunted by the experience. I imagine the Joining is the only thing that is keeping me sane right now... which is why I can write this. The nightmares are getting stronger though... if I make it out of this place I think it is time for me to take the long walk... the Calling, before it is too late.

-Agdan, Grey Warden

Monday 20 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: The Precipice of Oblivion

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Field Report A127 - Expeditions into the manor, which locals term "the Darkest Dungeon" continue today. Elizabeth's team, which included Lee, Gwyndolin and my dear friend Dr. Shen did not fare better than Dieannin Avery's. Only the woman escaped. To her credit her mind is in better condition than his when he returned to the hamlet. The way was cleared by team three with Blunder Buss, Big Mike, Lu Lingqi and Catharina though. As I understand it, Blunder Buss played a pivotal role in destroying the shambler that had devoured so many of our number. His earlier fault is widely regarded as redeemed.

Begone, vile fiend!

Party Girl, Gillian, Yuria and the Paleshade entered the second sub basement and discovered even more horrific creatures below - scorpion men? Fortunately they took my advice of taking the relics Big Mike's team discovered with the shambler which protected them from many of their attacks. With the way lit, the path is ready for my squad to enter the third floor. I am afraid, but also excited to see what discoveries I will find down there.

-Dr. Vahlen

Sunday 19 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Ringing Ears, Blurred Vision

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

By the gods, the Weald is a terrible place. While Blunder Buss, Zermu Terlu, Party Girl and that ex-gladiator Gigal defeated the Hag Witch - the rest of us were running supply runs and chanced upon a most terrible weapon whereupon the main brigand host had gathered. Knowing a chance encounter should not be squandered I tasked numerous teams to try destroy this forbidden machinery. I regret to say, they have all failed.

Losses were immense.

Those slain by the brigands were: Elvis, Dieannin Avery, Peacefulness, Maco Meng, Raven Daydream, Cale, Ana Hernandez, Nick Hernandez (no relation), and MissBarbara. With most of the supplies and funding going towards the Darkest Dungeon expeditions, it is all we can do to hold back this foe for as long as we can for they are legion. If only the Unkindled one was here... Zermu Terlu's scowl is terrifying.


Saturday 18 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Destroy. Them. All.

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

As Catharina expected the brigands returned to lay siege to the town again at 0800 today, but this time my team composed of Elvis, Gwyndolin, Catharina and myself which was specifically waiting in the wings for this moment surgically removed the terrorist leader and explosives expert Vvulf - using "stunning" uppercuts no less. The many remaining tangos then fled back into the forest where no doubt they will regroup but probably not for sometime.

The brigand leader: slain!

Afterwards, teams sent to the cove and ruins have successfully cleared both locations of hostiles. The "cats", Sunbro Forever, Rocket Man and Catharina took down the final drowned crew - which I'm told was an easy task since the "cats" could resist their magical anchor somehow. They then went on with Dr. Shen, Techno Viking and Lu Lingqi to eliminate the gibbering prophet at the ruins.

Our focus now turns to the so called "Darkest Dungeon". While most of the veterans are gearing up to recon that site, Zermu Terlu has been elected to manage forays against the remaining enemies in the Weald with our latest batch of recruits. Supposedly he has experience in this sort of thing. Honestly, they don't look like much right now, but I'm hoping they prove me wrong.

-Big Mike

Friday 17 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Facing the Abyss

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

There's a large source of bacon.

With a final push, the warrens are now clear. Once again, Wilbur was found this time whispering in the ear of a massive creature they call the Swine God. Despite losing Boris Pavlovich and Liadri, Dr. Shen and Rocket Man were able to scrape a victory through a battle of attrition. A second team composed of Yuria, Alvinia and Shalquoir, Party Girl and Lu Lingqi, vanquished the formless flesh while all being at the precipice of death.

Elsewhere we lost Andre who was strangled by a raving madman and Saranthor whose heart was exploded by a cultist witch. Also lost were Zhurong, Maughlin and Masu of the first exploration team sent into the Darkest Dungeon where tentacled priests worship a horrible beast that matches the description of the shambler let loose so long ago. Only Dieannin Avery returned alive, his mind half gone but with a map that might prove useful for the next expedition.


Thursday 16 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Leave Nothing Unchecked

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Field Report A85 - Examining the source of reanimation is proving difficult with the equipment available here and the old laboratory is certainly being missed. Resorted to more basic chemistry instead. Accompanied Elizabeth, Gillian and Lee into the ruins earlier where we defeated the Necromancer Lord. Strangely, he like all the other necromancers are also cadavers already, meaning the dead were resurrecting the dead in an endless cycle. His decomposition did not make him immune to the stunning effects of my potions however.

Charming to those she calls.

A beguiling siren at the cove also suffered injuries incompatible with life when Elizabeth, Techno Viking, the "cats" as well as the very creepy Londor Paleshade hunted it down. At the weald, Big Mike led a team comprised of Gwyndolin, Agdan and Catharina to destroy a larger brigand cannon before it could threaten this hamlet. The low morale after the bandit raid has improved greatly after these events. Considering taking up Dr. Shen's offer of trying whatever liquor the local tavern holds to join in the celebration.

Maybe after I finish this autopsy...

-Dr. Vahlen

Wednesday 15 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: A Town in Flames

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Today is a day of loss. As if it wasn't bad enough for Melisandre and Sima Yi to have been taken by the shroom men in the Weald and to have the young Da Qiao get her heart exploded by a ghoul - a large band of bandits attacked the town, no doubt after all the riches our delves have been bringing back from the cursed places. Many of my comrades fell to their blades and bullets, including Abbess Feeva who led the defense.

Those are strong guns!

Along with her we buried Hunter O'Harrah, Redbeard, Mogg, Katunga, Derkeethus, Don Pez and Alpha. Their tenacity made the bandits retreat... for now, but they will surely return once their numbers and courage are replenished. Elizabeth and I are doing the best we can in reorganizing the remaining survivors and getting them the help they need - be it physical, mental or spiritual.

I have also begun to formulate plans for a specific defense should the bandits return. A man named Big Mike, who supposedly is used to leading troops in similar situations (some of whom are present), has volunteered his services to assist in that matter. I believe it would be prudent to accept his aid.


Tuesday 14 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: The Tragic Extent

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

My concerns of any leadership challenges have been abated this week with the death of Lenigrast. He was laid low by a small pig man named Wilbur who everyone assumed he had previously slain. They could not recover his body, no doubt he is now food for those hideous creatures. God rest his soul. We also lost Bill and the spy Mina Petrova who fell (or rather, had crushing debris fall on them) while hunting a fulminating prophet in the ruins.

They're always filled with disgusting bile.

Fortunately their allies Hunter O'Harrah and Don Pez managed to find victory thanks to their sacrifice. They then had a much better run when hunting another hag in the weald with Alpha, a soldier from another time, and the cats Alvinia and Shalquoir. Apparently the old crone was no match for them at all.

Soon after Lenigrast was avenged by Melisandre, Don Pez, Ian and Da Qiao, a young vestal who can't be older than her teens. Despite Ian getting hacked in two, they defeated the Swine King in the warrens, and Wilbur as well - though after the battle they claim the little pig was nowhere to be found. I have a feeling this isn't the last we've seen of him. Da Qiao also accompanied the barbarian Zhurong, Techno Viking and the shaman Katunga to slay an Unstable Flesh afterwards. This girl shows much promise.

-Abbess Feeva

Monday 13 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Slowly, Softly

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Fawadin is dead, having taken an octocestus to the face. There was some dispute if the loud, ex-blacksmith Lenigrast would be taking the reigns but as of now I am in charge and have appointed my battle sisters Catharina and Elizabeth (who disguises herself well, for a mushroom) as my proxies to handle any unrest.

My old ally Vengarl also is no longer among us. He and the hellion Nerelia were taken by mutated fungus men in the Weald. This was right after he, Don Pez, Bill and Hunter O'Harrah destroyed the shapeshifting incholate flesh in the warrens. Also lost are Ingward and Thanaros, having been devoured by a monstrous shambler that Blunder Buss inadvertently summoned while putting a torch too close to a strange red orb in the ruins.

"Surprised!" is an understatement!

We had other victories too, as Catharina, Lenigrast and Mogg destroyed a brigand 8 pounder cannon in the forest as well as another undead sunken crew at the cove. The bounty hunter Redbeard as well as Alvinia and Shalquoir (who I am told are magical cats) assisted in these endeavors. Slowly but surely we are cleansing this land of all evils lurking within.

-Abbess Feeva

Sunday 12 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Chain of Command

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

More welcome aid keeps arriving in town, the last batch being strangers from another time. I can only hope this rumor of people questioning my leadership doesn't distract people from our goal here. If anything I'd make Abbess Feeva my second, having seen her in action personally.

Her arrival was fortuitous as one of our other healers, Myria, was recently decapitated by a head collector - a death so gruesome that it supposedly gave Sellsword Luet a fatal heart attack upon witnessing it. With her healing, Gough, Redbeard and I managed to finally take down the (non-apprentice) necromancer in the ruins.

She then accompanied Bill, Vengarl and Hunter O'Harrah to slay the sodden crew - a group of drowned pirates in the Cove. She also was crucial in helping MoGG, Mina Petrova and Sunbro Forever in slaying the Alluring Siren in that same, sahaughin infested vista. Alas Hawkeye Gough fell victim to these fish folk while scouting the way to the siren. His archery skills will be missed.

A team that is chained and drowned together, stays together.


Saturday 11 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: A Call for Election

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Yo, like Lenigrast was the man this week. He didn't take no shiiz from Fawadin and went out there and kicked some serious ass! It was him, me, Sunbro Forever and Sellsword Luet that went to the pig crib and put a cap in that swine prince POS and that midget piglet Wilbur. People say that dude's always been some king's assistant, but now he's back in bacon form. I know right!?

Anywayz after that Leni goes with Myria, Ser Sad, and the big guy - Gough into the Weald right and put down that ugly mama the wizened hag. Yeah, too bad that witch cooked up Ser Sad in her soup pot before they could ice her but its still one less ugly out there for us to worry about.

That's a crappy way to go.

Leni - my man, you should be the leader - not this Fawadin fool!


Friday 10 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Scribe Duty

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I hate this place, and I hate Fawadin for making me write this stupid report. The bastard didn't even let me recover my daughter's body for burial! When this is over he and I are going to have to sort things out. Not that we're close to that happening any time soon.

Our glorious leader has began expanding operations to the Warrens, Weald and Cove stretching out our numbers and hoping that the more veteran members would keep the recruits safe. Yeah, right. Caes was run through by the lance of a Hulking Swineotour and Plushie Mostly was devoured in her sleep by a corpse eater worm. Boro was also shanked by a bandit, Rosibeth triggered her last trap, and Eurion was squashed by a piece of falling ruin.

Given the state of the ruin, it's surprising this is such a rare occurrence.

The only good news is that the so-called prophet hiding in the ruins has been dealt with by Ser Sad, MoGG, Catharina and Hawkeye Gough. I am going to insist that I go out with the next group. I can't stay cooped up here forever... no one can. I guess that's why the caretaker is as mad he is.


Thursday 9 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Lowly Apprentices

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

While we lost Tark and LeDore to the stressful darkness, I managed to lead a team composed of the bounty hunter Redbeard, Caes the plague doctor and the healer Plushie Mostly to victory - slaying the necromancer in the ruins, even destroying a horrid skull collector that was defending him. Alas this servant of darkness was only an apprentice, which meant his master would be further within.

It reanimates the severed heads of its many victims.

His death seemed to make the cultists more aggressive though, as they were responsible for the deaths of Cheshire Charr, Marcoh78, and Turms. We also lost Chloanne to a brigand cutthroat. Her father Lenigrast, is filled with unconsolable rage. To that end I am forcing him to be on scribe duty until he cools down. No point risking anyone else's life for his mistakes.

As a personal note, I am definitely leagues better than the rest of these so called adventurers and will no longer deign to attempt the easier dungeon runs. Instead I'll let the newbies prove their worth there and see which of them is skilled enough to join the elite (me).


Wednesday 8 March 2017

Darkest Dungeon: Casualties at Arrival

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

This place is cursed, and that's saying something given where we are. The gun slinger Isey and I were the first to arrive at this forsaken hamlet which seems to be run by a crazed caretaker named Penultimo. It's amazing the place still stands given the disrepair and the amount of horrors lurking in all the nearby areas.

At least the boss wasn't joking when he said that more help would arrive as soon allies and other adventurers just seeking gold or glory began to arrive just days behind us. I took the initiative to announce myself the leader of this little group and ordered everyone to focus their efforts on hunting the necromancer at the nearby ruins.

It is clear who is the leader!

The Khajiit pirate Skullcat, the ex-princess Dusk, Sultan of Swing and Gamesting were all victims of the bandits he had hired as security. Even Isey was fatally shot by one of their crossbows. Deeper in lay other problems in the form of cultists who slew Melentia and the Nerevarine Brutus. We even had one loss, Chara, to spider venom. 

This would not dissuade our attempts though, as with each successful expedition I knew we drew closer to his lair.


Tuesday 7 March 2017

TESO: Dangerous Celebration

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

With the battle won, Meridia tells me of some, god-forsaken hamlet that even she fears to tread in need of holy cleansing in one corner of this daedric realm. I decide to give that a miss, sending allies to check it out instead while I return to Mournhold and the search for Lucia and Sofie.

I don't get very far before Naryu tells me that the bio-terrorist group I thought I had beaten prior to gallivanting in Coldharbour was still around, and plotting to attack the city. Obviously I'd have none of that, and the two of us hunted down all the remaining members still hiding in the Deshann area - including their leader, a traitorous magistrate.

Did I mention one of the "living gods" is in this area? Cause she is.
She also hates bio-terrorists. :P

With the zone under control I then ventured further South into the Shadowfen where one of the first things I do is attend a crazy, endless and dangerous party held by party demon Sanguine to retrieve an "Eidar" scroll for Sheogorath. Him and his cheese huh? Fortunately most delves are open to everyone which makes things easier and far more enjoyable (for me) than instanced garbage.

Scroll in hand, I also retrieve the Wabbajack and Fork of Horripilation then participate in his "Circus of Cheerful Slaughter" which sees me fighting each of the pact forces and their leaders in one messed up play. All this earns me two more tomes for Shalidor.

Monday 6 March 2017

TESO: Attack on Coldharbour

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

My first task from Hollow City is to refill it by saving as many people as I can from the various torturous dremora in Coldharbour, most of whom are Fighter and Mages guild members. There are others here too whom I ally with, such as elf-eating Lamias, Argonians who have sold the soul of their Hist tree to Molag Bal, and a repentant Angoff (the druid terrorist leader from before).

Once the force is assembled it's simply a matter of pushing forward and upward in Coldharbour, slaying the armies of vampires, dremora, and daedra in the way. Molag Bal shows up in person to try stop us but as expected Meridia reveals herself to duel with him while the rest of us continue with the mission of destroying the Planemeld - aka the doohickey that Molag Bal requires for his grand plan.

 Whatever you say, boss!

Many / most of my allies die in the experience, but we are ultimately victorious in "planting the bombs and blowing things up" which pretty much puts a stop on Molag Bal's world-killing plan. Meridia takes us survivors back to the Hollow City for celebrations. Wish they made it more clear who made it and who didn't though. What is this, the Deathly Hallows or something?

Sunday 5 March 2017

TESO: Nothing goes to Plan

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

With Queen Ayrenn on board, I figured it was time to report to King Jorunn about my progress and Wayshrined back to Davon's Watch. Jorunn said he'd be at Mournhold which is to the South in Deshann, so that's the road I took. I had to deal with a minor terrorist group spreading chemical weapons to turn people into zombie things on the way and ended them via the "backfire" method with the help of Naryu, a Dunmer assassin. We were getting pretty friendly until she revealed she was Morag Tong. Now she's on my "to kill" list (also I'm pretty sure this is her in the Morrowind trailer).

Anyway, bigger fish to fry first. At the Capital one of the mages from the mage's guild acts as my transport in organizing the three leaders (of whom King Casimir isn't one, oops) to meet at a summit on a neutral isle. Fortunately the Covenant High King Emeric must have heard good things about me as he agrees to attend. The talks don't go well at first, with no lead willing to redirect their troops from the Cyrodil war into Coldharbour. A short visit from Molag Bal and his minions does make them agree to send the war-neutral Fighters and Mages guild though - with me in the lead.

Spoiler: They don't.

Not that it matters because in our hasty and unplanned counter-attack I arrive alone in Coldharbour, at least this time in the open world version of it. I soon find the Hollow City, a town sent here and protected by Meridia (also possibly a Dark Souls reference). It suits its name in that it is almost completely deserted. The local grounds keeper, who I suspect is Meridia herself, offers me to use the city as my base to build up an army. Meridia really dislikes Molag Bal. First things first - I find a cooking fire and make an armies worth of food (which I sell because, shineys are shiney)! Provisioning is seriously the easiest craft skill to level. With my pack lightened and my belly full, it's time to go exploring.

Saturday 4 March 2017

TESO: Elf Nazis

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

It is with good fortune that we arrive at the Khajiit isle of Khenarthi's Roost right after an unnatural hurricane destroyed most of the Dominion ships in the harbor. While helping out the survivors it is made clear that the local Sea Elf pirates are behind the magical storm and thus forfeit their residency when a Dominion envoy arrives. The pirates continue to be a nuisance on the larger isle of Auridon, which is my next stop where I am surprised to already run into Queen Ayrenn while saving her from an assassination attempt and am recruited as one of her spies.

Those magic storms are cool though!

With the help of a most humorous khajit named Raz, we protect the newly crowned Queen and her retinue as they tour the island from the Veiled Heritance, who are basically High Elf Nazis. It's strange that there are worse elves than Thalmor huh? Most of the Veils turn out to be turncoats from Ayrenn's own court with their "Veiled Queen" being Ayrenn's demonized sister in law, who coincidentally worships Mehrunes Dagon and allies with Mannimarco too. After most violently dealing with the Nazis and their dremora I feel optimistic about the Queen's outlook for the peace truce.

Worth noting that the side-quests here strangely are all heavily focused on "mages who screwed up". One who petrified a town to cover up his experiments, one who feeds people to his vampire son, and so on and so forth. Trust the Altmer to try fix what ain't broken.

Friday 3 March 2017

TESO: The Secret Fire

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

It wasn't long till I met King Casimir of Daggerfall thanks to a Bloodthorn plot to assassinate him. After personally saving him, he then tasked me with securing the rest of his region from more Bloodthorn corruption in the forests, their bandit allies in the countryside, and most predominantly from werewolves who had taken over the Northern cities led by a supposedly unkillable, undead werewolf named Falchou. There's a pretty lengthy process where the Mage guild learns (through time travel no less) that Falchou's weakness is fire.

Like how the very first werewolf I encountered here is weak to fire? You don't say!

You'd think in a fantasy realm such as this one where some people can shoot fire from their hands that might actually not be such a secret but anyway... As per normal I opt for the better safe than sorry route of killing any and all infected people and then slay Falchou and Angoff, his Bloodthorn master in unmemorable combats. Ironically in a side quest, I also have to help the now struggling Daggers (a branch of the Covenant military) gain finances to continue to exist.

With King Casimir's thanks, my work here is done - and despite rumors of darker tidings further in land I convince Kaleen to sail me to Khenarthi's Roost instead to start working on a peace treaty with the Dominion.

Thursday 2 March 2017

TESO: The Recruiter

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Following King Jorunn's orders used a wayshrine to get to Daggerfall and was surprised how accommodating they were for foreigners during war time. Have to mention it's a little odd you can warp right into or beside cities who are meant to be at war with each other, but maybe players are just special snowflakes in that regard. Unfortunately the Daggerfall-ians didn't really give me any quests, in fact a small group tried to sacrifice me to a tree dremora. Purified the lot of them with fire.

Deciding I'd need to do gain some positive Covenant reputation first, I took a small skiff out to the isle of Stros M'kai where Redguard Captain Kaleen was recruiting people for a heist and the role of recruiter went to me! After assembling an array of personalities the theft went off without a hitch, and as a bonus was actually done for the King since in proved that the headman on the island was anything but loyal. Kaleen's next stop was the orc outpost of Betnikh, where we convinced them to join the Covenant by aiding them against invading Bloodthorn cultists (who basically are necros with a green thumb twist).

Stros M'Kai is a really pretty place!

The Bloodthorn had been after a powerful and destructive relic and Kaleen's crew was divided on either retaining it for Covenant use, or destroying it. I opted for the former, causing half of my recruited people to leave. Se la vie. Kaleen then sailed us back to Daggerfall where finally the officials were starting to recognize my efforts, giving me hope for this peace accord for King Jorunn.

Wednesday 1 March 2017

TESO: A Giant Problem

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Despite looking familiar, Riften had definitely changed. Quite possibly due to the recent attack from giants that leveled an entire corner that contained my house! There was no sign of Lucia or Sofie anywhere and the orphanage had been turned into a craft workshop, which as a silver lining sells increased bag space for gold! All the banks do the same too. Good design TESO!

With no leads on the girls I decide to just work on the problems at hand, helping the city put out fires and rebuild then dealing with Mannimarco's Worm Cultists prevalent in the surrounding area. This leads me to slaying a lich, putting pieces of Ysgrammor's axe together and meeting the Jarl King Jorunn, the leader ofthe Ebonheart Pact, laying seige to a Worm Cult stronghold - specifically the one where they raise dead giants! Yes, they were behind the attack on Riften.

I'm in the right spot, if only I can pull my sword out of my shoulder!

I lead the charge and smash our way up to the final giant boss who is an absolute pain to fight, mainly because I've been forgetting to distribute my skill points. Fortunately, Jorunn is a cheater on god mode and with enough shenanigans the giant finally falls. The King, impressed with my skills, then charges me to get the leaders of the other factions to agree to a ceasefire so that we can all team up and attack their main base in Coldharbour. That sounds like a good plan!