Darkest Dungeon: A Call for Election

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Yo, like Lenigrast was the man this week. He didn't take no shiiz from Fawadin and went out there and kicked some serious ass! It was him, me, Sunbro Forever and Sellsword Luet that went to the pig crib and put a cap in that swine prince POS and that midget piglet Wilbur. People say that dude's always been some king's assistant, but now he's back in bacon form. I know right!?

Anywayz after that Leni goes with Myria, Ser Sad, and the big guy - Gough into the Weald right and put down that ugly mama the wizened hag. Yeah, too bad that witch cooked up Ser Sad in her soup pot before they could ice her but its still one less ugly out there for us to worry about.

That's a crappy way to go.

Leni - my man, you should be the leader - not this Fawadin fool!

-MoGG

Darkest Dungeon: Scribe Duty

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I hate this place, and I hate Fawadin for making me write this stupid report. The bastard didn't even let me recover my daughter's body for burial! When this is over he and I are going to have to sort things out. Not that we're close to that happening any time soon.

Our glorious leader has began expanding operations to the Warrens, Weald and Cove stretching out our numbers and hoping that the more veteran members would keep the recruits safe. Yeah, right. Caes was run through by the lance of a Hulking Swineotour and Plushie Mostly was devoured in her sleep by a corpse eater worm. Boro was also shanked by a bandit, Rosibeth triggered her last trap, and Eurion was squashed by a piece of falling ruin.

Given the state of the ruin, it's surprising this is such a rare occurrence.

The only good news is that the so-called prophet hiding in the ruins has been dealt with by Ser Sad, MoGG, Catharina and Hawkeye Gough. I am going to insist that I go out with the next group. I can't stay cooped up here forever... no one can. I guess that's why the caretaker is as mad he is.

-Lenigrast

Dark Souls III: Dancing with Dragons

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Soon after defeating Aldrich I am teleported back to Priestess Emma, who is bleeding out on the floor. She asks that I save Prince Lothric's soul before expiring. I imagine that translates to "kill that bastard Lothric", but don't have long to dwell on it as Emma's killer drops down from the roof to face me: a giant dancer lady. I get her down to 10% on my first attempt but subsequently do worse and worse on future ones, getting caught out by her incredible range and really long, spinning combos (which are beautiful to watch by the way). I also try bring Saranthor (player) to assist me, but runs into that problem of being unable to enter the boss fog. Sorry Saranthor!

Son of a...

I do manage to defeat her once I realize not to care about the camera though, which often goes berserk while tracking her. Basically I just run up to her butt and spam two handed attack while the world (and her) spins like crazy. The disadvantage of long reach eh? Also semi-related, funny fact: high ground in the Dark Souls franchise is -BAD- for the same reason. You will miss often, which means being lower on a staircase for example, is always preferred.

Weakness: Woman therefore try rear!

Anyway, with the dancer dead I was free to progress further into the Castle grounds, defeating some tough knights and running past "possessed" hollows through a poisonous marsh that was the King's Garden. I encounter a dragon thing here who is suffering from post natal depression and looking for its child (who is possibly Shanalotte, the Emerald Herald?). I am assisted by Ser Sad, who finally is doing something useful, in putting it out of it's misery.

Dark Souls III: One Way or Another

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After talking with Abbess Feeva it turns out that she knew of a place I could go to cure this curse, but since it was pretty far I'd need to be teleported via coffin to reach it. Using the same one I rode into the frigid outskirts she prepared a spell and I got in for a long nap. Too long I think, because when I emerged my armor was no longer black, instead it was a fully rusted grey and for some reason I was in a graveyard! I suppose my arsenal of weapons was also too much so I only had a long sword left for me by the Head of Vengarl.

It would suffice.

After dispatching the expected wandering hollows and an unexpected giant crystal lizard I found myself in a large plaza with a statue in the center. Like a moron, I pulled out the sword that was thrust into it, making it come to life. Fortunately my dodging skills had not rusted as much as my armor so I could take down the halberd statue on the first attempt. Beyond him lay a large structure, which had the familiar name of Firelink Shrine.

Just in case you thought you were somewhere else...

The blind firekeeper welcomed me "home", as did Ser Sad, Andre the Smith, and the merchant hag who now moonlights as a shrine handmaiden. Most interestingly, there are five humongous thrones here, one of which is occupied by a little man named Ludeth. Apparently he is a Lord of Cinder, the only one with balls enough to face his own demise to link the fire. The other four have gone missing, and to no ones surprise it's my job to bring them back - one way or another.

Dark Souls II: The New Hub

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Having escaped the asylum a second time, I ventured in another direction this time in hopes of getting rid of this Darksign (cursed mark of the undead). I traveled for miles... losing all my gear and quite possibly most of my sanity as I willingly jumped into a whirlpool of certain death. Only I didn't die, instead I found myself transported to some odd cave and in a nearby tree met a small group of wrinkly old women laughing at how doomed I was.

What's wrong with my face!?

They were retired fire keepers, and they asked if I could even remember who I was. My name was no problem, my profession? I think I was a knight! They laughed, gave me a human effigy to help me resist hollowing, and sent me on my way like "all the others" that had been drawn here. Past a small "tutorial section" I found the small cliff side village of Majula, home to the meek armorer Maughlin, Shalquoir the talking cat, and the blacksmith Lenigrast who misplaces things (like the key to his smithy, his daughter, etc). Up near a shrine of world deaths is a broken warrior. Ser Sad is that you?

To be fair that IS pretty depressing. :P

At least he gives handy tips for newbies, and also offers that I join the Covenant - Way of the Blue. Basically the newbie guild whose members enjoy the protection of "the Blue Sentinels". Sure, why not. The last person here is "the Emerald Herald", who handles all leveling up tasks and the (re)powering of my Estus flask. She instructs me to seek the four great souls to begin my quest. Someone really likes the number four in this game series.

Dark Souls: The Murderer

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I was pleased to find not just a bonfire in the first room I opened, but also my old comrade Solaire resting here. He's not the only knight here either as the place is crawling with the same type I trained against at the Berg (which is handy for me). I even save Ser Chubby from a room with five of them at one point, on my first try! Having pretty much the run of the place I explore it fully, finding Havel's armor, open shortcuts to the outside, find a friendly giant blacksmith, and make my way to the main hall for what could only be the boss battle.

Except one of the cracked orbs I carried shook in that hall, and using it I discovered that the murderer - Lautrec was nearby. Of course I went for him first! He and his two cronies were too much to handle though, especially since Lautrec's curved knives ignored my shield. So I did the only logical thing: I farmed souls, went back to Ser Sad, and purchased 47 black fire bombs. Yes, I exploded the hell out of Lautrec and his pals. I also retrieved the fire keeper's soul from his corpse.

The long stairways seemed designed for this!

Ser Sad was kind enough to inform me that I was doomed though, because even the mighty adventurers Big Hat and Iron Tarkus were defeated at Anor Londo. What!? Tarkuuuuus! Filled with righteous fury after Lautrec's defeat I then marched into the boss battle to find not one, but TWO enemies - whom I think have one of the best prebattle cutscenes so far. Smough the slow(ish) smasher and Ornstein the spry and still pretty powerful lancer. I don't think I got one of them below 90% life before they slaughtered me.

Impending death...

Rather than hit my head against this wall I figured I'd go do something else first. :P

Dark Souls: Sunlight City

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I finally reach the top of the fortress where I find not only a bonfire, but a very depressed merchant knight - Ser Sad. Not sure how he gets his wares given you need to "jump" to him, but he has some pretty nice stuff! I also find assistance in the form of Iron Tarkus, a heavy knight who first slays one of the giants who resides up here (the ones I've just been running away from), followed by almost soloing the Iron Golem boss!

Tarkus must be super high level.

Upon its defeat I am swarmed by flying demon things that decide to carry me up the mountain to the edge of Anor Londo. Apparently they also serve as transport back down if I need it, which is a really awkward way to travel. This beautiful place has gigantic sentries watching my every move, but they are nice enough to let me pass if I leave them (and whatever they are guarding) alone.

So pretty...

While it's pretty clear where I'm meant to be headed, I am detoured into a building full of assassin's creed cosplayers with a giant painting I can't interact with. Passed them is the way to the main building but of course the main doors are sealed. I have to go around and fight the same flying demons who were my transport to get through. Ironically, knocking them off a ledge makes them fall to their deaths. Guess I hit them so hard they forgot they could fly?

A number of deaths awaited me just after though, as the narrow path leading towards the building was well defended by a pair of archer knights, who shoot arrows the size of ballista bolts and covered not just my approach but each other. Eventually I was zen enough to blind dodge (via timing) the arrow coming from the back while dealing with the knight in front. One balcony jump later and I found myself in the palace! Woo!