Dragon's Dogma: Heart Eater

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After a strange dream where a knight named Savan hunted down a dragon... I inexplicably awoke in the small, peaceful fishing village of Cassardis which is clearly not part of Tamriel. It was also under attack be the very same dragon from the dream! With heroic instincts kicking in, I grabbed the nearest sword and attacked the beast only to be easily overpowered. It then proceeded to eat my heart. Somehow I still survived this. What!?

Mmm, tasty.

The dragon's voice was now in my head, asking me for a challenge - one I wouldn't decline. Grabbing the nearest rusty sword I headed out only to be stopped by a healer who wanted curative flowers to heal others injured in the attack. Because that's more important than going after the world-threatening dragon. Is this some sort of island in Guild wars? Who knows.

At the town gate I am joined by a magician named Rook who helps me save the traveling merchant Reynard from goblins and brings me to a small outpost called the encampment which is under attack by more goblins and a towering cyclops. With our assistance the monsters are beaten, and I am recognized as an "Arisen", which apparently translates to "someone who has had their heart eaten by the dragon" in this land.

I'm just going to go ahead and blame Sheogorath for this mess. :P

TESO: Old Friends

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

With the Covenant halted, I managed to get in touch with the Prophet again. After finding him hiding in a not so nearby cave/hovel, he tells me that Molag Bal's plan to take over Tamriel must be stopped. Well, duh... some mages have low INT I guess? I need allies first though, which makes sense since the local war mage committed semi-suicide, and the first one that pops into his mind is Lyris so once more he opens a portal to Coldharbour and I'm tasked with putting her back together (figuratively, since dremora enjoy mindbending torture). Somehow this involves much slaying of dremora but we escape just fine this time.

Alas, almost as soon as we return the Prophet wants us to go back to rescue someone else! Sigh. Unfortunately this time the region he sends us to keeps crashing me to the desktop so much (GFX overheat?) that I end up abandoning that game-breaking piece of shit mission, telling him to let Lyris handle it. Not happy TESO. Instead I decide to explore a dwemer ruin to look for some lost books for the Mages Guild. I guess it's like working for a library? Anyway, one such book spawns the spirit of Archmage Shalidor who asks my help in retrieving... more lost books. And an island. From Sheogorath.

Seems they have a long standing feud.

I found Shalidor's four tomes really easily once I stepped through the gate he opened to the Shivering Isles. The guardian clanfear was really troublesome though, forcing me to learn how to quickslot potions. Of course Sheogorath wasn't going to just let me take all five tomes, instead he let me take one - offering the rest when I earned them. After taking the book back to the Mages guild for decyphering (Sheo cursed the books so that Shalidor couldn't do that), I was free to decide which way to travel so I hopped on my horse and headed North West to Riften! Because I needed to check on my daughters. o_o

TESO: New Life Unlock

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

For some reason Friede's words "Thy place of belonging" kept ringing in my mind and with the Fire Keeper's help I used my significant soul fire to teleport me somewhere closer to home.

I awoke in a very weakened state in the familiar landscape of Coldharbour. Lucky for me not five minutes goes by before a towering Nord lady named Lyris frees me from my cell, informing me that my current undeath condition was caused by some scum named Mannimarco. With no intention of keeping the silence this time, I took great pleasure in eviscerating all the dremora in the way to our escape route: another prisoner called "the Prophet".

I can still backstab with a two handed sword!

The old guy manages to open a portal back to Tamriel for us, but thanks to Molag Bal's interference Lyris doesn't escape. Just want to note that it is fortunate the Prophet's portal opened over the sea because it was pretty high up! I washed ashore on a snowy little island called Bleakrock and was soon conscripted by the local Dunmer She-Captain into gathering all the townsfolk for an emergency evacuation since Covenant warships were spotted headed this way.

Despite the "rush" I happen to come across a friendly Argonian He Alve who teaches me the art of lock picking, which is now a simple mini game. Simple when someone explains it anyway! Just push down on each tumbler and let go when it starts to shake. More importantly just -remember- when it starts to shake so your second attempt will always work. After this two minute crash course, I've not failed any. Thank you He Alve!

Skyrim: Modified Bananas

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

*pats her head*

With some forged documents and a magical disguise, Sofia and I step through Lull-Mor's teleporter and head to the Thalmor base. I have to ask her to sit outside though as to not blow my cover. Gaining entry is easy, and I am taken to meet the ex-psijic banana in charge, Justicar Archeron and his bodyguard, Banana Bane Masscroft. After a brief interview they head off somewhere and I am free to snoop around - finding that these Thalmor are not like any others I've encountered before, mainly due to Archeron's penchant for body modification.

Body modification: the Tamriel Edition.

While snooping in his laboratory I'm suddenly knocked out and awake trapped in a cell. Archeron shows up to taunt me and spill some of his plan before leaving to prepare his lab for my lobotomy. Obviously I break out of there before that happens. Interestingly all the modified guards are on god mode, which means sneaking out really involves sneaking. I manage to collect not only Archeron's journal but also my gear before leaving the place, getting to Sofia and extracting back to Lull-Mor.

Numinar is furious and rallies his Chronographers. The plan is to dig to the MacGuffin before Archeron can reach it and ambush his forces there. To do that though we require a titanium drill bit from the long abandoned foundries below and guess who is the lucky person tasked to get it?