Elden Ring: No joy ahead

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Feeling more courageous now after adventuring with Blaidd, I return to the well fortified stone bridge in the South and decide to rush it on horseback! Some how this works, and I come across the blind Irina who pleads with me to help her father at Castle Morne where their servants have rioted. I happily comply and ride right into a giant golem shooting missile sized arrows right outside the castle... WTF!?

Shooting right past that and into the castle itself I find the servants to be ugly harpy like things that are mostly too busy to see my crouch walking past them and up to the ramparts where Irina's dad Edgar is. He refuses to go however, because he's too worried the beast servants have made off with the castle's sword? Fine, so I traverse the rest of the castle and kill the boss-servant who wields said sword (aggression is better here) to convince him to finally go to Irina. We both travel to her and find her cleavered remains.

Home run!

While Edgar weeps I try hunt down the murderer by exploring the nearby surrounds but only find a tunnel filled with more servant things that I'm not keen on exploring just yet and a tower guarded by three spirit turtles who I slay to break the magic barrier, but am just rewarded with more treasure I'm not going to use. My bag is actually filling up with gear I can't use now as I'm only putting points into HP or Strength.

Wildermyth: Turtling

[Part of the Cursed story line]

With the loss of their fort, the Deepists go on the offensive - now led by priestesses and "fathers" and "mothers" to attack villages all across the land so Nyrissa hires her old acquaintance Garrett and his new squad of Anythera, Martvaer and Dranalla to assist while locals Este and Macius also volunteer to help fight this cult menace. Este in particular is effective at bashing their heads in with her mace.

Eventually the team is invited by the Deepking for a parlay truce in their subterranean tunnels that turns out to be more of a "you're pretty tough. join us to live forever or die now," speech. Krisztian, ironically the first Deepist victim the Cockatrices saved, is moved by this promise of immortality and accepts to join the cult much to the shock of his comrades. While the Deepking leashes and walks away with his new toy, his forces swarm the others who must fight their way to the exit.

Nyrissa's previous method of using plants to block their pursuers path is ineffective as a giant minotaur easily tramples over them and crushes Martvaer underfoot. With escape looking bleak she pleads to the universe for more power... and it answers in the form of a lonely turtle god that offers a trade: the strength for everyone left to make it out safetly in exchange for Nyrissa becoming his new turtle friend. She agrees, they escape, and she is transformed into a turtle before being whisked away.  

Can't tell which one is scarier...

Wildermyth: How deep is your Cult?

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Having been rescued from a Deepist cult cave by Runea and Nyrissa, Krisztian vows revenge and joins the Cockatrices after convincing them of their expanding threat. They also hire the outlander Kaelun to assist during their travels, encountering a few left over evil deadbots in the process. One village even lives happily with them now. Feeling that perhaps those were Misia and Hally's goodbots they are left in peace.

Eventually the party clears a Deepist fort guarded by their stronger minotaur-shifting members, as well as an actual massive minotaur who Nyrissa kills using her plant pull into Krisztian's rapier (teamwork!) but proving that humans are always the worst threat it is a trio of simple brigands unaffiliated with the Deepists that manage to kill Kaelun in a close quarter ambush.  

Wounded from a against a lizardman incursion, Runea contracts an "uncurable" disease which rots her from the inside but she and Krisztian find research that leads them to a rare, one use magical cure all which they get from an easily defeated gorgon. Runea opts to use it on a petrified adventurer nearby though, freeing the mystic Trynne Ocean who agrees to join the Cockatrices as thanks, along with her now same aged daughter Milly. Runea later  succumbs to her illness.

Wildermyth: It's Raining Frogs

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Angered by the loss of his artifact, Ulstryx casts a magical spell that makes it continuously storm. Deepists (people that live in the deep caverns who feel the impacts of the flood first) come to ask the Cockatrices for aid, revealing they know where Ulstryx is.

Joined by casters Jainlof, Ames, and the warrior Macko, the Cockatrices set about building bridges to higher ground and carving tunnels through mountains to reach Ulstryx, all while stopping an invasion of the Deepists (who were really getting desperate).

They eventually find the evil boss whose minions include bogmoors, giant frogs who thanks to their long and sticky tongues almost kill Macko and Nyrissa as they are pulled out of formation and into the enemy ranks. Captain Bear manages to slay Ulstryx just in time which causes the remaining foes to flee and the team return as heroes once more.

Wildermyth: Cavern Heist

[Part of the Cursed story line]

In the interim Little Pirate tries to join a different heroic band, but they turn out to be brigands. Luckily Barbara shows up to save him.

Back at the Cockatrice base, Nyrissa returns as a lich - revealing she didn't actually destroy that cursed dagger as Captain Bear had asked, but instead found that Ulstryx is quietly rallying his army of crazed beasts using a hidden artifact. Her son Karel (who is also Barbara's husband) joins the hunt for this and is gifted a spear made from one of his mother's rib bones.

The team quickly locates Ultstryx's artifact in a deep cavern and they steal it, with Nyrissa blocking the pursuing monsters using her plant summoning powers (which is one of the more overpowered ones, because then you can do more magic stuff with plants like entangle or pull) and the team escapes easily.

Wildermyth: Mindflayer Naga

[Part of the Cursed story line]

While clearing the tainted lands of these crazed mutants, Barbara gains a pet cat, Little Pirate gains a pet stone critter, and Captain Bear convinces Nyrissa to destroy a cursed knife she found at the old tower.

Eventually they find the source of these critters: a gorgon (who is more like a mindflayer naga with more tentacles) that has taken up residence in the next town over. It manages to grab and tentacle Barbara's ear to use as his microphone - warning them all not to stand in his master Ulstryx's way before Captain Bear throws a pitchfork into the monsters head, killing it.

Something like this!

Barbara survives but the tentacle goo on half of her face solidifies to remind everyone what happened to her. While the others take her back to the village, Nyrissa sets out alone to find where this Ulstryx is and how to defeat it.

Wildermyth: The Cockatrices

[Part of the Cursed story line]

An attack from a crazed mutant doe on the village prompts Captain Bear and Little Pirate to check in on Nyrissa who was cataloging items in a nearby ruined tower. They arrive just in time to help her fend off more crazed critters with Nyrissa using magical infusion to explode the wooden furniture to finish them off. 

Beware angry bambi.

Aside: The magic system in this game is great, it's basically telekenisis+ where you can make tables explode, rocks fly around, force plants to entangle foes and set things on fire BUT an original thing has to be there for you to use. Can't set things on fire without a fire being lit somewhere for you to steal for example (until you get the upgrade that lets you make sparks, but only on things that can catch fire).

This new influx of critters inspires the trio to resume adventuring and collectively call themselves "the Cockatrices". Barbara, Nyrissa's daughter in law, overhears this decides to join too as she has grown bored of the farming life.

Thea 2: Settling

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Having regrouped with the researcher and elder dwarf the squad use the magic heart to unlock the passage and finally face whatever is causing the world to shatter... it is a massive light infused dragon, better known as a zmey (seems these things always try end the world). Despite their allies, spells and equipment the zmey is a ferocious and tough enemy, using tooth, fang, tail swipe and energy breath to decimate the group before it finally goes down.

Giant dragons are usually game ending bosses.

When the smoke clears, the only ones left standing are zerca Barbara, Captain Bear, Karel, Little Pirate, and Suri the spider queen. Karel manages to use a rare world seed to save his mother Nyrissa after she was cut in two, but everyone else is dead (22+ characters). To honor their memory (and because they are too overloaded to move now) they decide to build a town on that site and are soon joined by house imp Bogdan and Macko, newborn son of Karel and Barbara.

When he is old enough, he might ask about the stone statue in the center of the village lists the names of the fallen but hopefully he will live a more normal life now that the world is saved. While the game lets you continue indefinitely I thought that would be a good stopping point for this tale.

Thea 2: Dark Hearts

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Before leaving Iceland, the team befriend the Shadow Folk who live on the edge of the island (no shortcuts here, just lots of talking over a long time) who then send one of their number, Sylvanas, to help them on their quest. As they sail back to the Slavyan isle they save the syrin Seayanna from a kraken and she too joins their crew and helps them defeat the trolls imprisoning the elder dwarf they found long ago.

Why wear clothes when you can wear shadows?

This dwarf is then taken to the patient researcher who is then able to decypher the tablet in the Red Ridge mine which gives the location of the quake causing threat, but also says to fix it they would need a magical heart assembled by a druid. With no leads on any druids, the team sails to the next island - the isle of darkness, home to striga, undead, vampires and... more followers of the light!?

Sylvanas is handy in convincing the darker beasties to simply let everyone pass while Seayanna uses her charm to convince female bandit captain Yanka to join the team, who then reveals that the Spirit Talker goblin tribe also resides here. Thanks to the goblin children in the party and a little assistance helping them build a catapult, they introduce the group to their leader: an orc necromancer who can construct the magical heart they need to save the world. Not only that, the necromancer and the entire tribe are coming to help too. Things are looking up!

Thea 2: Strength

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Iceland is also home to followers of the light: people, creatures, and tentacles(wtf?) infused by a viral spirit and this faction constantly harasses the team with their "convert or die" methodology to the point that Siegfried tracks down their local base and leads an attack that wipes it out, at the cost of Jaethal who was light tentacled to death. Her daughter, Karina the crazy, also dies giving birth to a son Krisztian - whose father is her half brother Vshesul. The boy really has a thing for incest. Ratslava also gives birth to a daughter Mishka, having slept with King Szuvarek of the Water Demon clan after his rescue.

Anyway, after killing little red riding hood (who in this version is a werewolf), the team find the Ice Demon village and Nyrissa befriends them via an exchange student program: giving them Krisztian to raise as their own while they gain Ice Demon daughter Sniezynki and her pet elemental Icicles.

The Little Red Lie on steam is free to play if you like Little Red Riding Hood.

The team then run into the slaver band that held Romek captive and this time the slavers are killed - with the team gaining a young girl named Anzeka and three young goblins: Jere, Tino and Zosh. As they are overburdened with supplies at this stage, the team trade with the Ice Demons to buy powerful magical weapons and God's Armour? Siegfried decides to test these out at a local arena where the group must face five battles of increasing difficulty in a row and they are victorious! This band of champions are now ready to take on the world.

Thea 2: Iceland

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Since the only elder dwarf on the Slavyan isle is guarded by powerful trolls, the group decides to make a ship and sail to the next island over to continue the search. Ice island, dubbed by Siegfried as "Iceland", is quite inhospitable with the lack of food resources and the constant requirement for faith replenishing rituals. They also save the cursed child Zloslawa from her murderous parents and she too begins learning the way of the witch.

This place is full of witches.

Iceland is also home to the Water Demon clan (russalkas) who are at war with the Water Pirates (orcs). Nyrissa quickly befriend the Water Demons by saving their leader, King Szuvarek, from a Water Pirate base on the lake. Only two of the Water Pirate youths are spared to join the group: Little Pirate and his younger sister Deathlover who is again, witch potential. Valerie quickly gains their trust by having a daughter with Little Pirate they call Zenzimira. Nyrissa then promptly baptizes the girl at the Water Demon lake to turn the child into a Water Demon, deepening the friendship with that group so much that a russalka named Natalia also joins their ranks.

Meanwhile Siegfried encountered the cursed King Kral'Skra, doomed to be forever trapped in his crumbling kingdom by the gods who also stole his face and put it on a lowly demon. Siegfried agrees to find and slay this fiend only to discover it is Kral'Skra's son Romek whose back was infused with his fathers face and is now being towed around by some slavers. After purchasing the child Siegfried makes him face his father and Kral'Skra opts that he instead be killed instead of his son. Siegfried obliges, and Romek joins the group as a zerca.

Thea 2: Red Ridge

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The Red Ridge bandits are an imposing lot, but they agree to let Siegfried's team and the researcher into their territory if the adventurers can first remove from their lands a cave full of demons and a camp full of squatters, who are possibly one and the same. Both are equally easy to massacre, and the child Barbara is taken into the group from the squatter camp as she has the traits of a zerca (a spiritual leader).

Finally granted access, the researcher finds an old tablet in the Red Ridge mines but is unable to read them - now requiring an elder dwarf or elf for the task. Siegfried promises to help and Red Ridge bandit Captain Bear joins them. Also Miloslava has another daughter, Sveibora, this time with her son Vshesul (that motherf*cker) while Valerie helps wandering King "Arathor" to pull a sword from a stone. The thankful King sends Valerie across a bridge (which holds a battle of wisdom) to a nearby lake where the local lady of the lake hands her a less powerful but still magical weapon.

Only movie knowledge can save your characters from certain death...

Meanwhile Nyrissa aids Suri, a little girl found on the road, to get revenge on the rich silk trading merchants that killed her family. Suri turns out to be a spider queen in disguise but Nyrissa keeps her word and slays the merchants which is enough to convince Suri to join the team (and wow, spider queens are strong). Suri then promptly begins teaching Sveibora the ways of witch craft, because spider queens know everything apparently.

Thea 2: Retinue

[Part of the Cursed story line]

After a long and prolific reign, Siegfried Baranor gave up his crown to travel to new rumbling lands with his nymph queen Nyrissa, lover Jaethal, muse Valerie, obese fan girls Miloslava and Ratslava (sisters), and Siegfried's children Karel the fighter (with Nyrissa), Karina the crazy (with Jaethal) and Vshesul the warrior (with Miloslava) after a friendly imp suggested their old enemy, the Lantern King, was hatching a new plot here.

Quarreling with the local scavenger Slavyans wasn't helping matters any so the group instead opted for friendship - clearing some vermin, convincing goblins to move away, and doing odd jobs to gain their friendship while living off the land, harvesting resources as they went, and dodging the multitudes of unliving that clustered around old ruins. 

Including striga.

Miloslava also saves a vodnik prince turned into a frog by kissing him... a lot apparently, as she soon has a daughter Lethiamira. Nyrissa also befriends the local spider folk (who are simply intelligent giant spiders) while Valerie retrieves two half russalka daughters for their dwarf father. Doing all this leads them to a researcher investigating the rumbling (Eren is that you?) but his work has stopped since the location he needs to study is occupied by the territorial Red Ridge bandits.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Fairy Tale

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Aldori troops led by Lady Jamandi supported by Kesten's guardsmen and Jhod's faith push through the wild hunt forces giving an opening for Siegfried, Jaethal, Valerie, Bouquet, Arkemyr and Garret to reach the Lantern King (multi phased boss fight). Fortunately Nyrissa is here too and has enough strength to break her bonds and assist the heroes to defeat the annoying fireball who is banished like the weakling he is. Only the unimportant nameless extras and Jhod die in this final phase which is a resounding victory for the King.

Keeping his promise, Siegfried takes Nyrissa as his queen but also has a friends with benefits status with a young hot elf that looks like a younger version of her mother Jaethal. In fact Jaethal now wears her daughter as a living skin suit thanks to the ritual she learned earlier - making her both not-quite undead and also more evil than when she started. With a strong alliance to house Aldori, the untouchable ace Valerie remains as regent and lawman Kesten marries ex-bandit Bouquet while Archmage Arkemyr and thief Garrett return to their own lands wealthier than before.

Then Siegfried got more advisors through the cash shop?

That's it for Pathfinder: Kingmaker. Pretty cool game but also very long. The later periods of kingdom management are pretty tough with those super high difficulty checks, but not as tough/unfair as the later combats. Especially against swarms. I hate those things.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Faeking Hell

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Nyrissa's foothold is well guarded as Gerrod is slain in a redcap ambush and Voghiln eaten by a purple worm simply to reach it (there's also a BS battle against a ghost army that needed a lot of loading), and once through Siegfried and company found themselves at Nyrissa's large mansion in the fairy realm, except for Linzi who ironically dies for real during the jump. Luckily pathfinders Crimson Fury the barbarianess, Ellert the ranger, Scatvi the cleric, Lash the Bard and the archmage Arkemyr (annoyed at Nyrissa's meddling) arrive as reinforcements for this raid.

In the course of the exploration Fassina and Nigga B are slain by forces of the wild hunt while Crimson Fury is fatally broken by an autumn golem before Nyrissa herself is located in the heart of the structure. The nymph summons hordes of creatures to her side which kill Ellert, Scatvi and Kaessi (and that's after I lowered the difficulty and spammed greater shout with Lash to stun her) before she surrenders in defeat - tearfully explaining that some elder fae god is making her do all this horrible stuff.

The goose made me do it!

Since Siegfried finds her attractive, he offers the nymph an alliance but said elder god "The Lantern King" who looks like a giant fireball suddenly arrives and decides he's not finished playing with his toys. He takes Nyrissa captive and opens a gate to Siegfried's kingdom - warping it horribly by bringing it to the fairy realm while resurrecting the shades of Siegfried's greatest foes (to extend the game because 80 hrs is not long enough?) and cursing the king with weakness.

And so Siegfried's forces gate hop to re-defeat the Stag Lord, the troll queen and kobold king. Lash is "finger-of-deathed" by the shade of Vordakai at Varnhold where Siegfried reunites with old ally Rollo who helps defeat the shadow lich cyclops(?). The reunion is short lived as Rollo is then killed by the true shade of King Irovetti at Pitax Palace whom Arkemyr destroys. This lifts the curse on King Siegfried who now focuses all his attention on assaulting the capital where the Lantern King now rules. Luckily Lady Jamandi Aldori is a woman of her word and arrives with troops to assist.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Tournament of Kings

[Part of the Cursed story line]

After defeating yet another one of Nyrissa's worthless invasion attempts the newly crowned King Siegfried Baranor accepts an invitation to partake in the Rushlight tournament of the neighboring kingdom of Pitax where Bouquet wins a fishing and diving contest, Voghiln wins the knot contest, Linzi wins the boasting contest and Siegfried wins the drunken brawl event which makes the host, King Irovetti look even more of a fool than usual so he begins harassing the border villages using wild animals and bandits in an undeclared war which is as ineffective as he himself is.

King Baranor's is swift, sending forces into Pitax to annihilate both the animal teleporters and the bandits losing only Iholikan Quinval to the color spray of a golden golem which explodes his face? King Irovetti then has the gall to summon Siegfried to come and surrender in person, so without much fuss he goes there with his entire council and easily turns most of the citizens against Irovetti gaining allies in Kaessi the tielfling mage and tavern bouncer Nigga B. Irovetti's guards are easily overpowered in the square but the annoying King retreats and barricades himself in his palace behind his elite troops and it is up to Siegfried's forces to root him out.

At this point it's worth mentioning every fight needs pre-buffing with legendary proportions and stone skin but even so Shelumu is killed by an arrow to the face at the foyer, Linzi "dies (again)" to an armored troll, Amiri and Ubin are cut down by elite guards in the barricaded main hall and Jubilost has his neck broken by Irovetti's naga before Fassina can kill it. Siegfried kills Irovetti himself and adds Pitax to his ever expanding kingdom.

Yep, spells that makes you bigger, harder and stronger.
You need magical Viagra to survive later fights!

Somehow this victory reduces the kingdom's state to CRUMBLING which is the lowest you can let it go before losing the game. Over the next few months King Baranor makes wise decisions and builds infrastructure to get it back through rioting, troubled, worried and finally to stable (never got it to "serene" though). During this time Nyrissa established a permanent foothold gate far in the Western forests, giving the King an opening to finally strike back at this elusive foe.