Pathfinder Kingmaker - Tournament of Kings

[Part of the Cursed story line]

After defeating yet another one of Nyrissa's worthless invasion attempts the newly crowned King Siegfried Baranor accepts an invitation to partake in the Rushlight tournament of the neighboring kingdom of Pitax where Bouquet wins a fishing and diving contest, Voghiln wins the knot contest, Linzi wins the boasting contest and Siegfried wins the drunken brawl event which makes the host, King Irovetti look even more of a fool than usual so he begins harassing the border villages using wild animals and bandits in an undeclared war which is as ineffective as he himself is.

King Baranor's is swift, sending forces into Pitax to annihilate both the animal teleporters and the bandits losing only Iholikan Quinval to the color spray of a golden golem which explodes his face? King Irovetti then has the gall to summon Siegfried to come and surrender in person, so without much fuss he goes there with his entire council and easily turns most of the citizens against Irovetti gaining allies in Kaessi the tielfling mage and tavern bouncer Nigga B. Irovetti's guards are easily overpowered in the square but the annoying King retreats and barricades himself in his palace behind his elite troops and it is up to Siegfried's forces to root him out.

At this point it's worth mentioning every fight needs pre-buffing with legendary proportions and stone skin but even so Shelumu is killed by an arrow to the face at the foyer, Linzi "dies (again)" to an armored troll, Amiri and Ubin are cut down by elite guards in the barricaded main hall and Jubilost has his neck broken by Irovetti's naga before Fassina can kill it. Siegfried kills Irovetti himself and adds Pitax to his ever expanding kingdom.

Yep, spells that makes you bigger, harder and stronger.
You need magical Viagra to survive later fights!

Somehow this victory reduces the kingdom's state to CRUMBLING which is the lowest you can let it go before losing the game. Over the next few months King Baranor makes wise decisions and builds infrastructure to get it back through rioting, troubled, worried and finally to stable (never got it to "serene" though). During this time Nyrissa established a permanent foothold gate far in the Western forests, giving the King an opening to finally strike back at this elusive foe.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Traitor

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Upon returning from Varnhold, Lander reports two time sensitive matters: sightings of Tristian the traitor and a war between the Tiger Lords barbarians and the forces of Jamandi Aldori. Siegfried rallies the troops and commands them to support House Aldori first. Since Ekun decides to ignore this command and have a pity party for himself instead, the baron publicly executes him as a deserter which gets the rest of the soldiers in line.

When being lawful good is just like being chaotic evil.

Upon arriving at the battlefield the baron then learns Amiri has gone solo to try assassinate the Tiger Lord King Armag. Two days ago. Since the battle still looks like its going to happen it's safe to say she failed (as per usual), but this doesn't bother Siegfried who has recruited a new set of allies trying to rebuild their own lands: Gerrod, Garrett, Iholikan Quinval, Ubin, Fassina and Voghiln. Just as well because Lander shows up with assassins to try kill the baron but only ends up "killing" Linzi again before being eliminated himself.

Pity the delay has let King Armag escape, but this act of cowardice breaks the remaining Tiger Lords who disband their tribe. Also broken is a tortured and abused Amiri, whose spirit is as shattered as her once giant sword. While scouts hunt down the missing Armag, Siegfried takes his team to apprehend Tristian next who is hiding in the fairy realm.

When cornered the cleric admits to being an unwilling servant of a nymph named Nyrissa, who for some reason is out to destroy Siegfried's barony. Siegfried is all but ready to pardon him until he admits to being the one who planted the seed flower which resulted in the deaths of thousands. Upon hearing that, the baron gets Jaethal to execute Tristian on the spot.

Meanwhile, Valerie is put on trial by her old pervert paladin order but proves them all wrong when her goddess heals her scars and helps her smite them all down. Since her face is now fixed, Siegfried reappoints her as regent. Months later, the now mad Armag is found just over the hill from the battlefield and is put down by the baron's forces and tiger lord deserters.

With this done Lady Jamandi Aldori proclaims Siegfried as King of his expanding lands, and offers an alliance he graciously accepts.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Eye Spy Vordakai

[Part of the Cursed story line]

While the citizens of Varnhold are indeed missing, the land seems rife with barbarians of the Tiger Lords Tribe (an interesting name since they have around zero tigers) who are searching for some relic and are actually running into problems with all the undead cyclopses inhabiting the ancient structures here. Since they are generally ok people, the baron assists each of their expeditions and gets survivors to return to their main expedition camp.

This backfires somewhat after all the scouts are saved as a talking crow convinces the barbarian expedition leader to attack the baron and his allies, resulting in a difficult fight which ends up seeing every single Tiger Lord barbarian lying dead in the dirt afterwards. The crow then "invites" the survivors to the distant tomb of its master Vordakai, a clear trap but one they must walk into since he has answers about the missing Varnholdians.

As expected, the tomb is filled with zombies, traps, pressure plate mazes where you must split the party, and incredibly the poor design of hiding buttons and other important clickables in NON VIEWABLE LOCATIONS. Did the devs forget this game has a fixed camera? Also present are soul eaters who, if they know your name, can only be targeted by that character. Siegfried, Ekun and Linzi all end up dueling one with only Linzi getting "killed", but not really because she has a magic ring of cheese.

You need to mouse over the black area to see that! WTF!?

Vordakai himself is a cyclops lich and before he can use his own artifact of BS which traps people in jars for later consumption, Tristian gets it, revealing himself to be a traitor. Since it's clear he is doing this under duress, Siegfried convinces him to destroy the artifact. Unfortunately the baron can't talk Tristian into surrendering though and the cleric escapes via magic portal. After Ekun finishes the lich off, the soul pots are discovered in his treasury nearby and breaking them releases and revives all the missing Varnholdians! Hurray!

Extra hurray as Jaethal discovers one of these to be the person that actually murdered her. She agrees to spare this person in exchange for a super duper ritual that can improve her more and the idiot gives it to her. With it committed to memory she then kills her murderer with her scythe, and Siegfried just laughs.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Cursed Contagion

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The arrival of crazed beasts from portals at a cursed hill has citizens worried so new regent Lander invites delegations for a hunt! This all goes well until one of the attendants suddenly explodes into an owl bear? Upon investigation Jhod and Tristian discover this is due to portal seeds being ingested from the river and Kesten leads the investigation to a cult comprised mainly of stupid goblins intentionally spreading the contagion (because absolutely no one boils water before drinking it in fantasy realms).

Stupid contagion spreading goblins come in many forms.

His inside man goblin Nok-Nok reveals that the seeds come from high in the mountains (not the cursed hill) and are travelling down the river to the capital! They quickly rush to its defense as many citizens explode into horrible creatures that need slaying. One particularly large owlbear crushes Nok-Nok underfoot before order is restored.

While this happens Baron Siegfried leads his team to the source discovering it to be two giant plants, one blooming in a cave and the other blooming the world of fairies. To defeat it they must torch both at the same time so Siegfried, Octavia and Bouquet fight the fairy version while Valerie, Ekun and his wolf take the cave version. Alas Octavia is eaten by the fairy version of the plant but there is no time to save her as the cave team set their version on fire. The baron does the same and burns the horrible flora (and Octavia) to ash. He will never forget her screams.

With the threat ended there is some time to regroup and rebuild, until lady Jamandi Aldori tasks the baron with finding out what has happened to the neighboring land of Varnhold... whose citizens all seem to have gone missing.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Trolling the Baron

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The troll threat is interesting in two ways: firstly they are allied with kobolds and secondly unlike regular trolls these ones seem to be fire resistant! An arrogant gnome alchemist Jubilost who is saved from one of their raiding parties suggests this ability comes from some sort of magical brand which is probably of dwarven make so the team immediately hunts down any dwarven ruins in the area and sure enough find their stronghold "kingdom" in the Southern end of the forest. Troll hating foreign ranger Ekun is also met here and joins the team for the purge. Like most fantasy games rangers get stronger through racism!

It takes awhile before the king kobold and troll queen are discovered at the branding forge (because of bad camera angles, if you get stuck here go to the largest room to the North West in the downstairs section and follow the wall left) and the pair prove to be a difficult fight with Regongar being pulverized by the troll queen's club before Seigfried can defeat it and Octavia counter spells the king kobold. The few remaining kobolds and trolls scatter back to the forest, ending this threat and on the way back to the capital (which was previously the Stag Lord's fortress) the team save a lizardman village from a possessed kid and help an alien spider return home.

I wonder if it can tell the time?

Bad news awaits upon arrival though - Jaethal went and killed some elves she thought murdered her previously, Tristian is spotted colluding with anti-Seigfried cultists, Valerie got into a duel with one of her exes and lost, suffering a terrible scar on her face, and Linzi was caught pilfering the treasury to try fund her dream printing press. Since she now has the face of a loser, Valerie is stripped from her regent position which goes to Lander and Linzi is giving a stern talking to (because there was no option to execute her - weak designers) with Siegfried promising that due to her actions there will NEVER be ANY printing press ANYWHERE ON HIS LAND. FOREVER.

No action is taken against Tristian who has earned the benefit of the doubt through excellent work ethic and Jaethal whom Siegfried is crushing hard on. On the plus side Jubilost's keen intellect makes him an excellent treasurer, easily replacing Shelumu from that position.