Pathfinder Kingmaker - Faeking Hell

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Nyrissa's foothold is well guarded as Gerrod is slain in a redcap ambush and Voghiln eaten by a purple worm simply to reach it (there's also a BS battle against a ghost army that needed a lot of loading), and once through Siegfried and company found themselves at Nyrissa's large mansion in the fairy realm, except for Linzi who ironically dies for real during the jump. Luckily pathfinders Crimson Fury the barbarianess, Ellert the ranger, Scatvi the cleric, Lash the Bard and the archmage Arkemyr (annoyed at Nyrissa's meddling) arrive as reinforcements for this raid.

In the course of the exploration Fassina and Nigga B are slain by forces of the wild hunt while Crimson Fury is fatally broken by an autumn golem before Nyrissa herself is located in the heart of the structure. The nymph summons hordes of creatures to her side which kill Ellert, Scatvi and Kaessi (and that's after I lowered the difficulty and spammed greater shout with Lash to stun her) before she surrenders in defeat - tearfully explaining that some elder fae god is making her do all this horrible stuff.

The goose made me do it!

Since Siegfried finds her attractive, he offers the nymph an alliance but said elder god "The Lantern King" who looks like a giant fireball suddenly arrives and decides he's not finished playing with his toys. He takes Nyrissa captive and opens a gate to Siegfried's kingdom - warping it horribly by bringing it to the fairy realm while resurrecting the shades of Siegfried's greatest foes (to extend the game because 80 hrs is not long enough?) and cursing the king with weakness.

And so Siegfried's forces gate hop to re-defeat the Stag Lord, the troll queen and kobold king. Lash is "finger-of-deathed" by the shade of Vordakai at Varnhold where Siegfried reunites with old ally Rollo who helps defeat the shadow lich cyclops(?). The reunion is short lived as Rollo is then killed by the true shade of King Irovetti at Pitax Palace whom Arkemyr destroys. This lifts the curse on King Siegfried who now focuses all his attention on assaulting the capital where the Lantern King now rules. Luckily Lady Jamandi Aldori is a woman of her word and arrives with troops to assist.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Tournament of Kings

[Part of the Cursed story line]

After defeating yet another one of Nyrissa's worthless invasion attempts the newly crowned King Siegfried Baranor accepts an invitation to partake in the Rushlight tournament of the neighboring kingdom of Pitax where Bouquet wins a fishing and diving contest, Voghiln wins the knot contest, Linzi wins the boasting contest and Siegfried wins the drunken brawl event which makes the host, King Irovetti look even more of a fool than usual so he begins harassing the border villages using wild animals and bandits in an undeclared war which is as ineffective as he himself is.

King Baranor's is swift, sending forces into Pitax to annihilate both the animal teleporters and the bandits losing only Iholikan Quinval to the color spray of a golden golem which explodes his face? King Irovetti then has the gall to summon Siegfried to come and surrender in person, so without much fuss he goes there with his entire council and easily turns most of the citizens against Irovetti gaining allies in Kaessi the tielfling mage and tavern bouncer Nigga B. Irovetti's guards are easily overpowered in the square but the annoying King retreats and barricades himself in his palace behind his elite troops and it is up to Siegfried's forces to root him out.

At this point it's worth mentioning every fight needs pre-buffing with legendary proportions and stone skin but even so Shelumu is killed by an arrow to the face at the foyer, Linzi "dies (again)" to an armored troll, Amiri and Ubin are cut down by elite guards in the barricaded main hall and Jubilost has his neck broken by Irovetti's naga before Fassina can kill it. Siegfried kills Irovetti himself and adds Pitax to his ever expanding kingdom.

Yep, spells that makes you bigger, harder and stronger.
You need magical Viagra to survive later fights!

Somehow this victory reduces the kingdom's state to CRUMBLING which is the lowest you can let it go before losing the game. Over the next few months King Baranor makes wise decisions and builds infrastructure to get it back through rioting, troubled, worried and finally to stable (never got it to "serene" though). During this time Nyrissa established a permanent foothold gate far in the Western forests, giving the King an opening to finally strike back at this elusive foe.

February 2022: Russia invades Ukraine

Not the best title to follow the one from last month, but in what seems to be a live action version of the game Iron Grip: Warlord, it seems Vladimir Putin is intent on expanding the Russian borders into the "little" country that seems to be backed and resupplied by almost everyone else (except Belarus, who are very pro-Russia). Ukraine's brave President Volodymyr Zelenskyy is doing a good job rallying his people though, as are the tales such as the battle of Snake Island, the engineer who sacrificed himself to take out a bridge to delay a tank column, the possibly urban legends of the Ghost of Kyiv (ace) and the Ukrainian Reaper (sniper), or videos like this on twitter. 

They're also hoping St. Javelin protects them.

Meanwhile it's clear Putin underestimated the amount and quality of gear and tech the Ukrainians were getting gifted. After their early capture of Chernobyl (which has seen increased radiation since) to open a passage to Belarus and a closer attack window to Ukraine's capital of Kyiv, the reportedly "tactically clumsy" but massive Russian army continues its advance and unlike the defenders they can't (and shouldn't) take to social media to announce their movements to create bad surprises like this one.

And it's only Day 4 of the conflict. The war continues.

Most Viewed Posts in the last 30 days:
GTFO: R6D1 - Nemesis (Main)
GTFO: R6C3 - Pressure Point (Main)
Pillars of Eternity 2: Merchants Murdered

Seems fitting posts with those titles feature for this war time post. :/

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Traitor

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Upon returning from Varnhold, Lander reports two time sensitive matters: sightings of Tristian the traitor and a war between the Tiger Lords barbarians and the forces of Jamandi Aldori. Siegfried rallies the troops and commands them to support House Aldori first. Since Ekun decides to ignore this command and have a pity party for himself instead, the baron publicly executes him as a deserter which gets the rest of the soldiers in line.

When being lawful good is just like being chaotic evil.

Upon arriving at the battlefield the baron then learns Amiri has gone solo to try assassinate the Tiger Lord King Armag. Two days ago. Since the battle still looks like its going to happen it's safe to say she failed (as per usual), but this doesn't bother Siegfried who has recruited a new set of allies trying to rebuild their own lands: Gerrod, Garrett, Iholikan Quinval, Ubin, Fassina and Voghiln. Just as well because Lander shows up with assassins to try kill the baron but only ends up "killing" Linzi again before being eliminated himself.

Pity the delay has let King Armag escape, but this act of cowardice breaks the remaining Tiger Lords who disband their tribe. Also broken is a tortured and abused Amiri, whose spirit is as shattered as her once giant sword. While scouts hunt down the missing Armag, Siegfried takes his team to apprehend Tristian next who is hiding in the fairy realm.

When cornered the cleric admits to being an unwilling servant of a nymph named Nyrissa, who for some reason is out to destroy Siegfried's barony. Siegfried is all but ready to pardon him until he admits to being the one who planted the seed flower which resulted in the deaths of thousands. Upon hearing that, the baron gets Jaethal to execute Tristian on the spot.

Meanwhile, Valerie is put on trial by her old pervert paladin order but proves them all wrong when her goddess heals her scars and helps her smite them all down. Since her face is now fixed, Siegfried reappoints her as regent. Months later, the now mad Armag is found just over the hill from the battlefield and is put down by the baron's forces and tiger lord deserters.

With this done Lady Jamandi Aldori proclaims Siegfried as King of his expanding lands, and offers an alliance he graciously accepts.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Eye Spy Vordakai

[Part of the Cursed story line]

While the citizens of Varnhold are indeed missing, the land seems rife with barbarians of the Tiger Lords Tribe (an interesting name since they have around zero tigers) who are searching for some relic and are actually running into problems with all the undead cyclopses inhabiting the ancient structures here. Since they are generally ok people, the baron assists each of their expeditions and gets survivors to return to their main expedition camp.

This backfires somewhat after all the scouts are saved as a talking crow convinces the barbarian expedition leader to attack the baron and his allies, resulting in a difficult fight which ends up seeing every single Tiger Lord barbarian lying dead in the dirt afterwards. The crow then "invites" the survivors to the distant tomb of its master Vordakai, a clear trap but one they must walk into since he has answers about the missing Varnholdians.

As expected, the tomb is filled with zombies, traps, pressure plate mazes where you must split the party, and incredibly the poor design of hiding buttons and other important clickables in NON VIEWABLE LOCATIONS. Did the devs forget this game has a fixed camera? Also present are soul eaters who, if they know your name, can only be targeted by that character. Siegfried, Ekun and Linzi all end up dueling one with only Linzi getting "killed", but not really because she has a magic ring of cheese.

You need to mouse over the black area to see that! WTF!?

Vordakai himself is a cyclops lich and before he can use his own artifact of BS which traps people in jars for later consumption, Tristian gets it, revealing himself to be a traitor. Since it's clear he is doing this under duress, Siegfried convinces him to destroy the artifact. Unfortunately the baron can't talk Tristian into surrendering though and the cleric escapes via magic portal. After Ekun finishes the lich off, the soul pots are discovered in his treasury nearby and breaking them releases and revives all the missing Varnholdians! Hurray!

Extra hurray as Jaethal discovers one of these to be the person that actually murdered her. She agrees to spare this person in exchange for a super duper ritual that can improve her more and the idiot gives it to her. With it committed to memory she then kills her murderer with her scythe, and Siegfried just laughs.

Pathfinder Kingmaker - Cursed Contagion

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The arrival of crazed beasts from portals at a cursed hill has citizens worried so new regent Lander invites delegations for a hunt! This all goes well until one of the attendants suddenly explodes into an owl bear? Upon investigation Jhod and Tristian discover this is due to portal seeds being ingested from the river and Kesten leads the investigation to a cult comprised mainly of stupid goblins intentionally spreading the contagion (because absolutely no one boils water before drinking it in fantasy realms).

Stupid contagion spreading goblins come in many forms.

His inside man goblin Nok-Nok reveals that the seeds come from high in the mountains (not the cursed hill) and are travelling down the river to the capital! They quickly rush to its defense as many citizens explode into horrible creatures that need slaying. One particularly large owlbear crushes Nok-Nok underfoot before order is restored.

While this happens Baron Siegfried leads his team to the source discovering it to be two giant plants, one blooming in a cave and the other blooming the world of fairies. To defeat it they must torch both at the same time so Siegfried, Octavia and Bouquet fight the fairy version while Valerie, Ekun and his wolf take the cave version. Alas Octavia is eaten by the fairy version of the plant but there is no time to save her as the cave team set their version on fire. The baron does the same and burns the horrible flora (and Octavia) to ash. He will never forget her screams.

With the threat ended there is some time to regroup and rebuild, until lady Jamandi Aldori tasks the baron with finding out what has happened to the neighboring land of Varnhold... whose citizens all seem to have gone missing.

Free Thinkers

Rather, free steam games that will make you think!

Only a trio of brain exercisers this time around, starting with Friday the 13th: Killer Puzzle where you play as Jason Voorhees with the expected task of murdering everyone. However - Jason only moves in straight lines, so its possible to fall off the board or end up on a space that will end him. Luckily the severed head of his mother gives clues per level. Funny, violent and later on pretty tough! Definitely one that franchise fans might enjoy.

Next up is Wired, a basic platformer that actually teaches electronics. While there is some "running to make that jump" it is a very small part of the game, instead focused on wiring up machines to a power source to build or open the path ahead for you. Apart from the silly opening video which might turn off some people (just push past it, trust me), the rest of the videos are actually the highlight of the game for me with very clever lessons that you then get to use in practice to reach the next section. Excellent design!

You might end up learning something!

Lastly is a hilarious first person puzzler called Gravitas in which you use your gravity gauntlet to manipulate some cubes to get past each room, all while your robotic host tries to politely kill guide you through the gallery. It isn't very long and isn't very difficult so if you are only going to try one of these three free games, this is the one you should pick. Highly recommended, and is now one of my favorites. :)