The Heavy Standard: The Black Dog

[Part of the Party Time journal]

After fighting the ring of soldiers guarding the Emperor's Spire, the party encounters Bun Bun knocking on the Emperor's door begging to be let in. Dr. Qwek Qwek grabs him by the hair and throws him out a window to twice kill the cross dresser. They then face the Emperor himself who explodes out of the door and kills a few more of their number before Eagle hilariously finishes him off with a pointy stick up the bum. The curse is now broken, but they have one more thing to check out - at the main floor they use the heavy standard to unlock a spiraling metal staircase into a dark cold chamber.

Niggi the black bulldog Juris saved much earlier runs off and is soon behind the glass in some control center powering up the space ship of world eating aliens. He thanks them for the escort and announces that they're going to lift off soon, giving them the choice of staying to be snacks for the soon to be awake monsters or to return topside and die with the rest of the island (which is all a space ship).

They chose neither and find a control panel that they have to work out how to manipulate (I used an easy star puzzle as my players have never played one before, and gave them more and more rules and hints based on successful rolls) all while Niggi released poison gas to eliminate them. They solve it easily and disable take off, then Agrellon plants his seed of water he took from the Painted City to sink the space ship (and collapse the Waiting plateau) and Juris casts teleport (putting him in old age now) to get them back to relative safety of the City of Babababa, ending the campaign. Other than the 4 players their surviving NPC followers were 6 other original 555s, 4 guards from the Daggerdowns and all 4 froggies (who I suspect were safe because I let them name them :P).

The end. We had a lot of laughs playing it, hopefully you enjoyed reading about it! :)

The Heavy Standard: The Standing Emperor

[Part of the Party Time journal]

The next tower they visit is the Library of Truth, which is in the shape of a book but constantly burning, as they were told the lord librarian here was actually helpful to the rebel cause (and they couldn't work out how to kill him). He is indeed a font of knowledge, sharing weaknesses of the others that he knows of and mentioning Emperor Hiatus is now known as "the standing emperor" as he no longer sits down but only after telling them that all of them are actually unwitting caretakers to an evil race sleeping beneath the plateau, and that the old battle standard still carried by Dr. Qwek Qwek actually has parts that can fold out to turn into a key that can be used at the main floor of the Emperor's spire.

After that info dump he takes a vial of poison and offs himself while the team heads next to the confront Bun Bun, the long haired and bearded master builder in a dress who they know they need to drop from a great height. The dice aren't with them here and Bun Bun escapes to (finally) warn the guards while they slink off to rest and head off to their next target, Admiral Sea King Glory on his exploded boat. Eagle just uses an exploding arrow to kill him and then snipes Lord Commander Hasner Been in the back (the only way to kill this back stabbed champion) as he rode around in his chariot.

The soldiers manage to catch up with them afterwards for a brief scuffle but they're soon on their way again to the Argilatory Prison to take out the Emperor's brother, Never. As his guards are busy fighting the apes who have climbed up from the hills they manage to catch him alone, Juris paralyzes him, Agrellon strip searches him, and then Eagle and Dr. Qwek Qwek take turns stabbing him in the heart to finish him off. Reading his scattered papers they learn he had previously attempted to kill his brother with a spear trap that launched up through the throne, but was confused when the Emperor survived it. Eagle rightly surmises this is why he no longer sits down! Armed with this knowledge the party head to his spire to break the curse once and for all.

The Heavy Standard: The Daggerdowns

[Part of the Party Time journal]   

Bad Horse and a number of braves accompany the 555 back through their destroyed camp to the Southern cliff face where they, Eagle, Dr Qwek Qwek and Agrellon rappel down to a large ocean facing cavern. Juris opts to stay up top with the rest but turns them invisible for added safety. It is winter again now and they find five of the flying serpents (dragons) asleep in the cave. With much stress and good rolling all are assassinated simultaneously.

A crevice not big enough for the serpents to fit through descends deeper and following it they find evidence that there might be more: cracked egg shells and eaten corpses of... something. From the underground lake appears Lady Longwein offering another seed of water to solve this danger before vanishing once more. Bad Horse eagerly takes the seed of water but is convinced by the 555ers not to use it immediately (1 year) and what it will do (from past experiences).

Not willing to continue to hunt they all return to the surface where Bad Horse and his braves return to his camp while the 555 push East, into the misty forested hills of Daggerdown where they were warned dangerous beasts lived. It isn't long before they are attacked by them: angry silverback apes who have no limit to their number! They run and run until they find a tower to hold up in. Juris even does a detour to save a black bulldog he names "Niggi" en route which he finds also being attacked by the apes.

The towers residents let them all in and quickly shut the heavy gate behind them buying some measure of safety. Here they learn they are in the second of three "Daggerdown" towers which are actually connected by mines to the Argillatory prison up on the plateau where prisoners conveniently get "shafted" down to the mines. This particular tower is now home to only guardsmen, having eaten all the prisoners and are now running low on water thanks to something lurking down below. The further tower is controlled by prisoners while the tower closer to the plateau is controlled by apes. Seeing an opportunity to reach the plateau, it's clear to them which way to go...

The Heavy Standard: The Whitelands

[Part of the Party Time journal]  

Rested up they abandon the Fool's March fort and meet up with their elven allies to continue North following the plateau wall into the lush rolling plains of Whiteland. Their mere presence deters a bandit attack on a merchant wagon mid-battle, making the bandits flee while the wary merchants tell them that the path up here has also closed from the great upheaval. The Emperor's Finger tower (fist with middle finger raised) high atop of the plateau is quite visible though (especially during sunrise), as an eternal insult to the people here.

They are also warned that any non-whites would not be treated kindly here, especially with the war against the dark skinned Nigians going on in the North. Some of the 555s are actually Nigian too as Emperor Hiatus Waiting had allied with them early in his reign. Even all the dogs except one which is pure white will be seen as evil. They journey North regardless, saving some kids from a wolf attack and returning them to their nearby town where they learn that they won't be allowed to pass the battle lines in the North.

This immediately makes them do an about turn back towards the swamp but are caught by a 100 strong force of white knights in white armor, white plumes riding white horses and carrying white lances and white flags. Seeing the filth of the 555 they attack! The battle goes very poorly for the poorly armed 555s until Juris does a big spell to make the white knights appear black. Blinded by their racial hatred they begin killing each other till only three remain, fleeing the field and letting the survivors loot their plate armor and weaponry.

They return past the frozen waterfall, past the empty Fool's March fort and up back up the winding rocky incline to the Southlands where they are surprised to find Bad Horse and his people camped nearby. The big man says they lost their territory, a lot of their people, and all the arrested folk from fools march to "flying serpents". The 555 agree to help him with this problem.

The Heavy Standard: The 555

[Part of the Party Time journal] 

At the center of the isle of Atera is a tall and huge plateau upon which sits the sprawling and grey Waiting City ruled by its Emperor Hiatus Waiting. Having grown tired of other nations occupying his island, the Emperor drafts up large numbers of his citizens into his Waiting Legions among whom are doctor in training QwekQwek (Rose), Agrellon the novice swordsman (DL), Eagle the apprentice archer (mom), and Juris (as himself) the novice mage who happen to all be allocated to the 5th legion, 5th division, 5th cohort (aka "the 555") with other mainly civilian folk and after an inadequately short training period at the Southern Cross tower they are all given a club and a tabard, and Dr. Qwek Qwek gets the dubious honor of bearing the heavy standard of the legion: a red flag with a black figure of a sideways facing soldier stabbing themselves in the chest with elder speak writing along the border that translates to "Sacrifice yourself".

Their legion is then sent South with the young orange toga wearing wizard, Roland Lexington, to wage a winter war against the Southland Horselords who have been harassing the farms in the region. They witness Roland's power from a distance as he throws lightning at the masses of torch bearing, bone armor wearing, horse mounted natives but suddenly his position is consumed by a translucent black dome. After a moment of chaos, the 555s are instructed to enter the dome and retrieve the wizard - but first must fight through the horselord forces that get in their way. Juris has the good sense to transmute Agrellon's club into a sword and Eagle's club into a bow and arrows so they can make use of their abilities.

Worth noting I give each of my players 20 NPC soldiers at this point - each with a name and a one line personality trait, keeping a 20 "reserve" on me. For each point of damage they don't want to take, they can instead cross out names on their list. Indeed, some names are crossed out as they forge their way into the dark dome just as it solidifies into a solid black. In the center they find an old man in an orange toga - Roland Lexington (because magic in this world makes you age), his face frozen in terror as a bone spear stopped in mid flight begins to pierce his chest. Approaching it makes time slow for the individual who gets close, and even Juris' attempt at telekenesis causes him to be frozen in time.

Despite their best efforts (or due to their meddling) the spear is pushed forward into the wizard and suddenly time speeds up! The projectile spins wildly, tearing Roland into bits of bloody gore and with a flash of bright light the black dome shatters! Gone are the snowy night time fields they were warring upon and instead they see fields of spring time grass and a bunch of Southland children nearby looking at them in terror. They capture one who spills the beans about where their current camp is and head there, finding a sizable teepee village near the waterfall but a cavalry unit (no doubt warned by the kids that escaped) awaits them.

Blades in the Heart: The Emperor

[Part of the Party Time journal]  

In trying to convince the Lord Governor to do something about the cruel Warden Pope, Juris accidentally blurts out (possibly due to his constipation) that they were going to kill him (the Lord Governor) in their previous encounter which naturally angers him. He tells Pope to deal with them as he sees fit and leaves while the demonic Warden grows in size and starts attacking the chains of the lift they are still standing on but its a short fight as Juris creates a domain of chaos with things randomly floating around with all the party riding chaos bears for some reason and in his madness the Warden falls into the hole to whatever lies beneath.

Our heroes then return back to base and rest up fully, but then are drawn outside as the city's barrier is eerily off for around five minutes before turning back on. A handful of the Emperor's Quicksilver guard start appearing (they move like the Flash) followed by the Emperor himself who steps out of a ghost door shrouded by a sphere of ghosts who announces he is there to eat them. DL and mom kill some of the guards with really good rolling but as more appear it's Juris that nullifies them with a lava domain, causing the speedsters caught within to die. And everyone is on fire bears immune to lava now. Lol. He does lightning bolt the flying Emperor (of course he can fly) which only shaves off a few of the ghosts and the Emperor laughs, saying his shield can never be broken as the ghosts in the ghost field hate it there. This unlocks Rose's final kamikaze ability Queen of Dreams, which we'll get back to shortly.

Juris opts to turn off his domain as DL does a massive kage-bunshin to really whack the Emperor's shield off (though all the 20+ clones die in the process) so the Emperor orders his Quicksilver guard to start killing everyone in the city so that he can rebuild his shield with their souls as he steps back through a ghost door. Mom jumps through trying to slap him with her Death Manifest but misses, followed by Rose and Juris who preemptively makes a domain of slippery ice (back on polar bears) in case any of the Quicksilvers arrive but it isn't necessary as DL stays outside with a new set of Kagebunshin clones to fight them AND the Lord Governor AND Lady Freya Orlais and her goons.

Rose then activates her Queen of Dreams ability: she becomes the ruler of the ghost field and can turn it into whatever heaven she decides, drawing all but the most determined of ghosts from the regular world to it. The cost is that she can never leave (and basically retires her character), but her very first command is to make the Emperor kneel - and then mom slaps him with her Death Manifest, killing him instantly (and almost killing herself). This frees the sun god imprisoned inside of the Emperor and Rose lets everyone go back to Duskwall where the sun god rises to the heavens to reignite the sun.

As there are still loads of Quicksilver scum running about so Juris uses his kamikaze ability too and turns into a giant winged bear to smash what's left of the bad guys, some extras like Lord Elon, and nom of the almost dead Lord Governor Kotar. He then lands near Matt Demon who is looking after his dog(s) and explodes into a forest once his clock runs out (character retired). While DL did gain his ultimate kamikaze move to turn into music that spreads world peace to all but the most evil, crazy or deaf he choses not to use it and instead bring peace with the edge of his blades. Cabrita (mom) on the other hand never unlocked her ultimate skill, but given she was the one that slew the emperor and reignited the sun the odds of her becoming the next ruler of the city and/or the nation (her goal) are at least much improved now, but still not guaranteed.

And that is the end of Blades! If I run another TTRPG it will be one of my own making but I'll definitely be borrowing a lot of ideas from this system. Thanks for reading!

Blades in the Dark: Words over Whiskey

[Part of the Party Time journal]

Duskwall: one of the few remaining cities in the world following the cataclysm that took place 850 years ago that turned the waters black and prevented the spirits of the dead from departing. Through the science and sorcery of the Immortal Emperor the city's crowded districts are protected from the Deathlands of life draining ghosts by a fence of massive lightning barriers, but what protects them from the brutal gangs and corrupt institutions within?

In the district of Crow's Foot which has seen an increased level of violence thanks to a number of gangs fighting for territory while the Bluecoats (police) turn a blind eye, a small group of individuals who all work at the local Weeping Lady charity have decided enough is enough and to take matters into their own hands: DL the cutter (swordsman), mom the hound (hunter), Juris the whisper (talks to dead people/has magic), and Rose the slide (prefers words over violence).

The four meet Remira, a friend from childhood who is now part of the local Lampblack gang, at the Leaky Bucket tavern on the canal flotilla village (and neutral territory) of Tangletown - built upon the shipwreck of a massive leviathan hunter ship that sunk there years ago. Remira tells them that their leader plans on burning down the opposition, regardless of any innocents involved and that she wants out. The arrival of more Lampblacks led causes her to panic a little, but Rose manages to talk them into gambling with Spogg the ugly dice man instead.

Rose then goes alone to meet the Lampblack leader Bazso, who is her friend, and over a glass of whiskey slyly confirms his plan of action and learns that he's waiting on a delivery before starting said attacks. That night Rose and mom sneak aboard the smuggler vessel but are caught! Rose doesn't miss a beat and convinces them that she is Bazso's courier, and they hand over a suitcase of powdered fire: Just add water to make it burn.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

Let's hope it ends here this time.

Turns out Anakin can't do anything right after all, as the Emperor Palpatine is quite alive and is busy orchestrating "evil machinations" through use of... his cult of engineers and secret planet of infinite resources? As usual, they have a ridiculous weak link in their grand plan which is exploited to an obvious outcome. You'd think they would have learned after the Death Star.

So much anger!

The story isn't about him though, it's still about Kylo (who is more likable on this film) and Rey (who is less likable). It helps that Kylo's arc is basically cooler while Rey is a moron. Not as bad as Finn though, who literally shouldn't have been in this movie (or the last movie). Would have been better had he died at the end of Force Awakens, but no - studio wanted a black dude because ... multiculturalisms!?

As usual the special effects are top notch and while this movie had a few problems, it was nowhere as bad as the Last Jedi - I give it 3.5 reanimated dead actors out of 5. This re-usage of dead people is really becoming a thing huh?

Skyrim: An Ancient Quest

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Since the battlefield was sort of close (not really) to my property at Hjallmarch Hall, I went there and asked Rayya to help me collect the gear of the dead. I didn't even care that she still had not made any progress with the internal decor. The stuff felt heavier than it was. Rayya suggested I go visit the Umbranox family in the Reach to get my mind off that last battle so I did, and discovered that the Champion of Cyrodiil had left me a quest: to find the Cowl of the Gray Fox.

This again?

Given a strange arrow and directions to an old fort high in the mountains, I soon found myself teleported into a test area of sorts all leaning towards thiefly talents such as lock picking, jumping, sneaking past robots and pick pocketing ghosts. Yeah I guess you have to be pretty good to do that last one. My favorite was the room of fire though where you needed to walk upon an invisible path to reach the other side.

And that path is very snakey.

The next portal put me in the Imperial Prisons, where I got to enjoy a reenactment of the opening of Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion and learn a very handy "ancient vision" spell which lets me see (and traverse) the past. The prisons were now run by Thalmor (obviously) so I killed as many of the bananas as I could before moving on from this area.

Pretty cool hit of de ja vu!

Ambitious Dynasty: Western Region Campaign Finale

[Part of my Dynasty Warriors 8: Ambition Mode story.]

After selling a whole bunch of treasures I finally am able to pay the academy to max out my defense rating. Sima Yi responds to this by proclaiming that he doesn't think I'm an idiot. Guess he -was- planning on killing me at some point after all! :P

Sure looks like the enemy has been broken morale wise as despite being the biggest region on the map, this actually offered the least amount of challenge to conquer. The final enemy commander turned out to be the sickly Guo Huai and with his new apprentice, Jiang Wei, barricaded themselves at the Chang'an fortresses. This only delayed the inevitable for them, but they still managed to kill my fire sorceress, Zhenji. :(

Zhenji: It's because my clarinet broke! *DEAD*

Jiang Wei: I've leveled up since we last met! *DEAD*

Guo Huai: *cough* If I can't live... no one else can! *DEAD*

Finally, it was time to face the false Emperor at his palace defended by siege weapons, wizards, ambush archers, cavalry, tigers (always the tigers), all led by his servants the ten eunuchs. They really weren't anything special with Sima Yi and He Man even killing one each while I wasn't looking - but after they were all defeated we had to cross a courtyard to reach the false Emperor and all ten returned... in perma musou mode! Holy crap, suddenly they became a difficult boss fight and He Man was killed!

By the power of Gre... *DEAD*

Never underestimate a eunuch.

With enough defensive fighting (a new one for me) they were finally all out of the way and we were free to face the lone "false" emperor. He too was on fiery overcharge but because there was only one of him it was pretty easy to chain lock him to death. With that, the land united under the true emperor (the dude still occupying my palace) and entered an era of peace. While it does let you continue to do whatever after this, I decided that was the best ending I could hope for and will end this tale here.

Thanks for reading!

The final survivors were:

Sima Yi, Zhurong, Xu Shu (me), Lu Lingqi, and Da Qiao

Ambitious Dynasty: Lost my Palace

[Part of my Dynasty Warriors 8: Ambition Mode story.]

Upon our return from the field I finally finish upgrading ALL my buildings to the max (level 50), and complete my palace! YAY!

Except at that moment, the Emperor who was previously wandering in hiding, decided to take up residence and to make my base the new capital of the land. Sneaky bastard! Of course I have no say in the matter, but at least he gives me a unique sword "the Emperor's Blade", as well as a "harrier" bird as payment.

I'm in your base, giving you the bird.

Slightly upset at this, I wander about the land for a bit - taking out my rage on Lu Bu's lieutenant Zhang Liao and his fiery assistant Zhenji. I also finally apprehend the old bandit leader, Zuo Ci and his strange, sickly adviser Guo Huai. Seriously, this guy always sounds like he's about to keel over at any minute yet people still follow him into battlefields.

Zhang Liao: ARRRRH! This is how we pirates fight!

Zhenji: That's nothing, fear my deadly clarinet!

Zuo Ci: Imbeciles, these paper pages are the most deadly weapon ever!

Guo Huai: *Cough cough* I can't lift any of those, or walk unaided, but I'm still capable in war!

Ambitious Dynasty: Who are You, Xu Shu?

[Part of my Dynasty Warriors 8: Ambition Mode story.]

The land is in chaos and the Emperor, being the strong willed person he is, has fled into hiding leaving local warlords decide among themselves the future of the nation. The first choice faced when beginning your Ambition is deciding who you will play as. While it is possible to switch between characters I opted to stick with this fellow.

Xu Shu: Oh, I'm no one important.

Why him? Because he's a very minor character and I like his outfit and most importantly his preferred weapon type of "Sword & Hook" which is more like a sword tied to a dagger with a long length of rope. While not the deadliest on the battle field it has decent range and can alternate between aerial and ground strikes easily for evasion. His special musou attack also has great AoE. It's because of that last part that he trumped my initial pic, the "vampire" dual-axe wielding bastard Jia Chong who special attacks more focus on one opponent instead of a group.

Jia Chong: I like executing people! Muahahahah!

I should also note that at this point I already played through all the story modes of the game so I have tested out the capabilities and personalities of a few others but more importantly it also means I'm walking in with over a million gold to START with. This is fantastic because upon reaching the parcel of land I have a deed to I find not much more than a smithy beside a small tea house with a nearby merchant stall with nothing else but dirt and vegetation all around.

This place is a dump!