Thursday, 17 January 2019

Absurd Game Ideas: It was Me!

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

It was Me!

In each session of this multi-player game, players find themselves trapped in a mansion, train or ship with each other, a dead body, and with Inspector "Let God" Sortemout (an NPC). At the beginning of each game, one player is randomly flagged as the murderer - knowledge only they are privy to.

Inspector Sortemout will then begin making his rounds to look for clues and question each player which will raise or decrease their suspicion score. During this, players have free reign to hide or plant evidence, lie about details in multiple choice questioning, and accuse other players of being the guilty party.

When time is up, Inspector Sortem takes all the players to the main lobby to reveal his findings - and conduct an on the spot, public execution of everyone but the player with the least suspicion. The player that survives is the winner - doubly so, if that player was the actual murderer! Can you be the best murderer ever? Find out in "It was Me!"

Sims 3

The ultimate idle game.

This game falls in such a weird place. Coupled with decent enough graphics, customization and music you get to play god over a small, mundane town where you must cultivate, curse, or simply observe your chosen sims (people) - and it is very addictive.

It's like... reality TV I guess?

Yet at the same time it is very boring! I was very tempted to do a story series on my hours upon hours of game time here except reading back through it nothing happens! The game even knows it is boring giving you a fast forward option to hurry things along.

Certainly a good pick for relaxing, this game is perhaps the ultimate in idle games as sims will go about their lives with or without your interference. How long you end up watching them is the only question. I give it 2 betrayals out of 5.

Wednesday, 16 January 2019

Absurd Game Ideas - Wind of Hero

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Wind of Hero

Aliens have attacked the Earth and every nation has been brought to their knees against the advanced technology the invaders posses, but the aliens didn't count on one thing... flatulence. In this action RPG, players take the role of "Hero", a fully customizable cow who must save the world by farting the aliens to death.

To do this you must to graze on various combinations of plants that can make your farts stronger, denser, wider, more lasting, reach farther, refract lasers better, be more silent, be more deadly and so forth while eluding enemy patrols or luring them into close quarter ambushes. This game also supports co-op drop ins, adding more cows to the mix. The time has come to stink out the alien invaders and to make everyone smell the Wind of Hero!

Tuesday, 15 January 2019

Itch.io - Unnecessary Evil

Clever little platformer.

Behold your band of heroes!

I've only recently found out about Itch.io, another games trading site that has a large free games section. In there I found this clever little game that I thought I'd share: "Unnecessary Evil". It is a very short platformer that's a bit loose on copyright, but I can highly recommend to everyone. Give it a try if you have a few minutes! :)

Monday, 14 January 2019

Absurd Game Ideas - Porcelain Empire

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Porcelain Empire

In this RTS that rival the likes of StarCraft, players step into the shoes of rival toilet manufacturers vying for total control of the market. Resources will need to be managed to increase production, storage, delivery, and sales facilites all while hiring workers, salesmen, researchers, drivers, spies, security guards, lawyers and more.

While there is little combat in the traditional RTS sense, players must endeavour to behave within the laws or at least not get caught while breaking them, but with risk comes reward! Speeding drivers deliver goods faster. Money can be saved by cooking the books and dodging taxes. Planting evidence at rivals structures might slow them down to deal with the cops. Putting large quantities of laxatives in the city drinking water increases demand.

All viable tactics in your quest to create your own Porcelain Empire!

Saturday, 12 January 2019

Time Raiders

Because Tomb Raider was copyrighted.

When a family of tomb raiders finds the map and key to a lost tomb, you can guess what happens next! While that summary is pretty accurate, don't let the simplicity fool you. There is a lot of WTF going on in this movie.

Checklist for tomb raiding: Heavy coat. Check. Sniper rifle. Check.

Foreign mercs, ultra fake swords, puzzling flashbacks, magic flutes, creepy puppets, some decent martial arts bits, CGI creatures and a massive, oddly designed tomb are just some of the things lurking beneath the surface.

There's a lot of money that went into this, and you can tell from the props and set design - and while the main tomb raiding plot is fine to follow, the subplot of the two almost more than friends "boy band" leads is anything but.

It almost feels like they tried to fit too many ideas into one movie, making it a jumbled mess. Pity, because there are some fun bits. That said, I wouldn't watch it again and score it 1.5 golden masks out of 5.

Absurd Game Ideas - Dr. Extractor (VR)

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Dr. Extractor (VR)

This feel good game uses cutting edge Virtual Reality technology where players step into the shoes of Doctor Extractor to use their own hands and precision tools to squeeze, pull, stretch, and coax out pimples, black heads, cysts and more from randomly generated patients until they are fully purified. Catch the sebum in your own hands and experience Dr Extractor (VR) today!

Thursday, 10 January 2019

Neverwinter Online: The Heart of Fire

After the spectacular Ravenloft Module, Neverwinter followed up by breaking professions with this Acquisitions Incorporated themed release that lets players help the bumbling company in retrieving the titular Heart of Fire (which is a nifty rank 14 enchant), and more!

Well, no - not a lot more. My gut feeling from seeing the trailer was it would be a disappointment, and lo and behold, I was right. I suppose Cryptic wanted to tap into these D&D internet celebrities to gain more players, resulting in a campaign designed as such - with a humorous tone that is so alien to the rest of the game outside from some foundry missions. This might have won over a few more people if they had humor that didn't insult the player in every third sentence.

Also, Xanathar has lost any potential of being a serious threat.

Design wise, the repetition of the campaign quests is even more painful when you try max out the weekly tokens through sheer stupid design with only one repeatable quest to fill out what your weeklies can't. As a whole its so bad that its made me take a break from the game.

In short, this module is utterly garbage and the next one better have the quality of Ravenloft x 100  if Cryptic wants to keep Neverwinter Online alive. At least, alive for me. One of the worst modules EVER. (Storm King's fishing stupidity is pretty hard to beat).

Wednesday, 9 January 2019

Absurd Game Ideas - Pussy... of Death!

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Pussy... of Death!

In this open world stealth sandbox, you play a stray cat whose goal is to charm and woo your way into the hearts and homes of humans - and then murder them. Trip them downstairs, drop active appliances into their baths, startle them into traffic, or just push them into wood chippers all while avoiding patrolling hound and pound units and keeping suspicion low as to access the next unwitting human's home.

Multiplayer supports co-op where you can team up with buddies to perform even more devilishly gruesome executions or competitively to see who can kill the most humans in a set time limit. Earn the respect of your fellow felines and become the true Pussy... of Death!

Zhong Kui: Snow Girl and the Dark Crystal

Makes you want to ram your head into a gold plated wall.

Demon Hunter Zhong Kui is sent to hell to steal the Dark Crystal and then must protect it  against the demons sent to retrieve it. Complications arise when his ex, Snow Girl, whom he is still in love with, sides with said demons.

Even the eye candy can't save this film.

While the plot is serviceable, and there are a few nice martial art bits with exaggerated wire work use, this movie has a few major problems. I'm just going to pick on two: Firstly it has no traversal scenes which is weird. One second the guy on a cliff then in the next breath he's in town. Hell must be super accessible too as characters traverse back and forth really quickly.

My major gripe though is the CGI. It's not terrible but it detracts from the movie because of its heavy use. Having your main characters can transform into CGI creatures who cannot speak is a bad idea, especially for the length of time they do so in this movie.

Not one I recommend, I give it 2 bloody fans out of 5 and would not watch it again.

Tuesday, 8 January 2019

Absurd Game Ideas - Defeat: The Ultimate Victory!

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Defeat: The Ultimate Victory!

A computer card game (like Hearthstone) where players battle competitively but with no option to "pass" a turn - you must perform an action each round. Active cards, cards in hand (of you and your enemy), actions taken previously and combinations thereof all can power up what you play to cause devastating combos - which you don't want!

This is because the goal is to lose - the most units, the most land, the most health, the most everything! That's right! In this game winners are pathetic and losers are the champions because defeat is the ultimate victory!

Absurd Game Ideas

Something new I'm trying this year - since I like to muse on how to make "better" games, I thought I'd put down my attempts at making the most ridiculous ones too.

It was Me!
Wind of Hero
Porcelain Empire
Doctor Extractor (VR)
Pussy... of Death!
Defeat: The  Ultimate Victory!

Monday, 7 January 2019

Constantine: City of Demons

When one demon isn't enough.

Having the same animation quality as Justice League: Dark, this tale follows John Constantine (voiced by Matt Ryan, who also portrays him in live action) as he tries to save a child's life, and more importantly sheds some light on why he is so haunted by the events at "Newcastle".

More adult than you might think.

As you might expect, there are demons, magic and action sequences throughout but this thoroughly goes for an R rating as it also includes a lot of blood, gore and even sex into the mix and is better for it. Well, at least the blood and gore.

Probably not one for the kids but a definite lock for fans of Constantine. I give it 2.5 dirty bathroom lessons out of 5 and would watch it again.

Sunday, 6 January 2019

Today I Smiled: Historical Lego

Been awhile since I did one of these, and since this clever use of lego did leave me smiling I thought I'd share it with you all:  WWI In LEGO - The Capture of the Amiens Gun - By Brickmania :)

Not lego but equally entertaining is this commercial I stumbled on for Trulicity. I'm guessing the format is normal for US citizens but it is so hilarious for me given that the disclaimers take up more time than the rest of the ad.

Tech wise did you know about this thing called Gate Box which gives you a holographic companion at home? The invention is cool, but the users border on creepy. Anyway, I'm going to finish off with a music link as per usual - this time the legendary Sir Tom Jones being coaxed by fellow Voice judges and the audience to give an impromptu performance. Despite his age, his voice is still fantastic!

Hope you enjoyed at least some of those! ^_^

Friday, 4 January 2019

The Last Ship

Starts good then slowly sinks.

The sudden world wide outbreak of a deadly disease leaves the Nathan James, a sole US Navy destroyer and her crew, led by Captain Tom Chandler (Eric Dane), to fix the world. Being a military based show there's a naturally high level of violence present as the ship goes on adventures across the world.

Gas mask whites are only a thing for the promo pics.

I also quite like that there's a decent casualty rate and the effects are for the most part, quite passable though much like the plot - deteriorates per season. It certainly isn't the best show out there but I found it quite entertaining and would actually recommend it as a background/"while you are doing something else" show.

Thursday, 3 January 2019

The Cursed: Unbound

[Part of the Cursed story line.]

Despite having lost his host body, the demon spirit then began to flee - only to be easily eliminated by Gevlon who was now carrying all the demon-killing trinkets from before (he is greedy after all).

Just as the dust settles, Ragner and Rollo show up with reinforcements but find that the task is already complete. Instead, they escort the survivors Shelumu, Gevlon and Sir Siegfried out of there to a not so nearby town where they celebrate their victory and their freedom.

Before leaving with the rest of his people, Shelumu pays Siegfried enough to start a new mercenary company, Ragnar and Rollo enough to purchase a brand new ship and Gevlon a king's bounty for saving the day against Tyranthraxus, an amount that could buy him a whole fleet of ships. The day is saved... for now.

Everyone likes shineys.

Wednesday, 2 January 2019

The Cursed: Tyranthraxus

[Part of the Cursed story line.]

Getting tricked (and a fireball to the face) from a goblin was so humiliating for Tyranthraxus, he had to flee. This gave the team time to compose themselves with Shelumu providing healing before giving chase, fighting through his priests, hell hounds and margoyles before reaching him in his upstairs chamber where he waited with an army.

When in doubt, bring an army.

Sir Siegfried was familiar with this setup and quickly ordered everyone back through the doorway. Faeris was too slow though, catching a Tyranthraxus thrown lightning bolt (and it's bounce back), killing the ranger instantly.

Kelaide provided the stinking cloud while Gavion and Siegfried held the door, with Gevlon using all his accumulated wands to throw spells across into the swarm of margoyles. Eventually the herd thinned, and Tyranthraxus himself barged through the frame - killing Kelaide with a stomp and Gavion with a punch.

Still, the focused attacks weakened the demon giant, and Sir Siegfried finally brings him down and kills him.

The Cursed: Middle Finger

[Part of the Cursed story line.]

After escaping the spiders, Faeris leads the team through the trees into the city proper where they avoid hell hounds and wandering rakshasas, ducking into what turns out to be a massive temple. There at the entrance, the old man/demon now in possession of an ice giant waited for them, activating their cursed bond immediately.

Behold my purple power!

"Welcome my puppets! Thanks to you, I - Tyranthraxus shall be invincible! Now, hand over all the artifacts you were absentmindedly collecting - all those items that are the only threat to my existence."

To their horror, each of them started dropping various trinkets before their demon master, not even knowing where or when they had picked them up. Into the pile Tyranthraxus also throws a piece of paper with a single word.

"That is the word that will free you," he laughed manically before turning to a nearby, robed priest of small stature. "Servant, burn these in front of my new slaves."

The little priest wandered over, and without hesitation picked up the paper and read the word aloud. In a flash, the party was free! "WHAT!?" exclaimed Tyranthraxus.

The "priest" threw back his hood, revealing an ugly goblin face - it was Gevlon. The real priest was dead in the corner with a slit throat. "You never bound me you piece of shit!" he exclaimed waving a middle finger at the giant with one hand and a wand of fireballs in the other.

Tuesday, 1 January 2019

January 2019 Status

Happy New Year everyone!  I quite like this list thing that I started doing last year, so I'm obviously going to be continuing it. I finally upgraded my computer too, so now all those games that I previously couldn't play are fair game once again and I've already been hammering away at them! :)

Also, in hopes to get the web comic / board game thing progressing, I'm going to be limiting all my drawing work to those two projects only - so no more random art work for a bit. I'm sure it will still be tough with all the games I've yet to go through, and all the ones I got gifted for Christmas!

    End the year with less weight (+1 kg from last month, final total: -4.9 kg)

    +End 2019 with less weight
    Make board game prototype (no progress)
    Complete web comic chapter 1 (no progress)
    Clean out wardrobe (lots more to go)
    Deal with overhanging trees  

Backlog Update:

FROM GIFTS (or freebies)
Batman: Arkham Knight
Dying Light
Alien Isolation (done)
Shadow of War
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice (done)
Satellite Reign
Assassins Creed Unity (done)
Astroneer (Alpha) (done)
+Battle for Wesnoth
+Lego Lord of the Rings
+Assassin's Creed Odyssey
+Baldur's Gate
+Baldur's Gate 2
+Kingdom Come: Deliverance
+Witcher 3: The Wild Hunt
+Fallout Tactics
+Sword Legacy Omen (done)

Board games:
Mice and Mystics Campaign (6/11)
Zombicide: Black Plague Campaign (6/11)
London Dread Campaign (0/4)
Play Adamastor (0/2 modes)
+Play Forbidden Sky (done)
+Play Escape from Colditz (1/2 modes)
+Play House of Danger (2/5 chapters)