Baldur's Gate 3: The Transformers

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Deeper in the hive the remaining party members witness an elder brain be controlled by three individuals: Thorm, Gortash (whom Karlach hates), and Orin who is rocking a murderous sexy vibe. While Orin, Gortash and the brain warp elsewhere Thorm stays to fight, transforming into an avatar of Myrkul - Lord of the Dead, best symbolized by a giant skeleton (High Lord Wolnir is that you?).

Halsin gets the KOed Nightsong back into the fight which ultimately kills her while Catharina transforms into the six limbed slayer demon as a child of Bhaal (she remembered how!) for an epic showdown, the end of which sees Karlach pulling Thorm's netherstone out of him - killing him for good. It sounds as dirty and painful as it is.

With no time to waste the team hurry on to Baldur's Gate before the brain turns everyone there into mindflayers but first, some time wasting as Gith monks ambush the team at camp. Who knew unarmed opponents in D&D could be so troublesome!? Afterwards the D20 speaks to us, calling itself "The Emperor", suggesting we let the parasites evolve to make us stronger for the upcoming fight. Catharina talks Gale and Karlach into doing just that, making them pseudo-flayers with black eyes and purpling skin in exchange for some power. Catharina doesn't need it herself since she can already transform into a monster at will.

Baldur's Gate 3: It's just a Hobby

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Jaheira warns the group that Thorm, Lord of the nearby Moonrise Towers, is immortal so it would probably be wise to scout things out first. The party thrashes more shadows in the ruined city en route to the tower and then use tadpole-magic to trick their way in again where they see first hand that yes, that dude is immortal.

His minions aren't though! So after he retires to the roof there is a lot of quiet murder that happens until the tower is devoid of enemies. They then scour the ruined city to find the thing making him immortal, beating a Gith-ambush in the process, and returning to the Last Light Inn to rest, recover, and for Catharina to murder the cleric casting the shield (damn that murderous hobby)!

With no protection, everyone there except Jaheira and Raphael not only dies - but has to be killed again for the party to escape. Jaheira joins the squad because Catharina is so good at not getting caught, no one but Astarion is the wiser (and he approves)! Raphael on the other hand just tells them to go look in the graveyard then blinks away to watch from his home in the hells.

Baldur's Gate 3: Training

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Despite not being on the itinerary the party investigates the temple finding it to now be home to drunk kobolds and magical cats. Underneath it however is a Githyanki training facility which the team end up wiping out, especially when it is revealed they are after an artifact (looks like a D20) Shadowheart has been holding this whole time - and the reason they've not yet undergone ceremorphosis (turn into mindflayers).

The Gith-lich queen, only present via magical hologram, swears vengeance but is unable to really do anything. It occurs to them afterwards that the Gith might have the means to remove the parasites, being sworn enemies of the Illithid and all, but having failed to ask any of them about that Wyll just gambles on one of their devices which nearly makes his head explode. The device breaks, and his tadpole remains.

With a sigh the party returns to the shadow-cursed lands and after beating a shambling mound find their way to a magically shielded inn known as the Last Light, protected by a squad of Harpers led by Catharina's old acquaintance Jaheira! I guess that dragon at Suldanessellar didn't melt her to death after all! Also present is a blacksmith who tunes up Karlach's infernal heart to make her live again and the devil Raphael who loans them his assassin vampire servant Astarion, for the lols. Councillor Florrick is also here briefly, but runs off to try "get reinforcements from Baldur's Gate". Yeah - that's not coming.

Baldur's Gate 3: The Buffet

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The team opt to try quietly handle the rest of the goblins in what turns out to be a very humorous and fun sequence which involves a lot of pushing guards off high ledges into the yawning Underdark below (insta-kills). The drow leader suffers the same fate while the hobgoblin leader gets his minions exploded via volatile barrel (hilarious) and then is bear food when his throne is wrecked out from under him, leaving him prone and vulnerable to Halsin's fury.

With the leaders gone, Halsin promptly evacuates with the other captive: Volo (master at getting himself into trouble). Lucky Kerz, a half orc paladin prisoner decides to help out, especially since Lae'zel has a brainfart and tries to murder Catharina while they rest. Catharina obviously kills her first.

The team murders their way out of there with Gale recruiting some ogre mercenaries in the process before he reveals he has a condition that requires him to consume magic items or "something bad will happen". In regular D&D this would be annoying or even dangerous. Here, there's a literal buffet of things to keep him satiated.

Baldur's Gate 3: Goblin's Lair

[Part of the Cursed story line]

The bard Alfira joins the team at camp for one night and Catharina gives in to the urge to murder her in her sleep, hiding her crime from her companions as they continue their journey in the morning - straight into a goblin base! The tadpoles psychic influence prove useful in coercing the guards to let them pass unmolested, but that's exactly what Lae'zel wants to be when she approaches the goblin priestess for help in the parasite removal.

While the others check out the traveling slavers wares, Lae'zel is isolated and is convinced to take a tonic to put her to sleep. When she wakes, she finds herself imprisoned, chained, stripped and branded: a new scientific project for the goblin priestess to cut into. Lucky for her a hooded assassin saves her ass and kills the priestess and her guards to boot. Upon rejoining the team her savior's patron appears to the party - a devil named Raphael.

He tells them that he can remove the parasites but it will come at a cost, and it can't be now. Typical devil, he's such a tease. In a separate dungeon they find some goblin kids meanly torturing a bear, so they let the bear out and help it kill the goblin jailors nearby. Turns out the bear is a shapeshifting druid named Halsin and he wants help in wiping out the goblin leadership.

Baldur's Gate 3: Little Tadpoles

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Catharina wakes up with a jolt as she stumbles out of the Illithid pseudopod with the horrible realization that there was now a tadpole in her brain, ready to transform her into a mind-flayer at any moment. Why it wasn't doing so, or how she got here in the first place is all a blur to her... where is "here" anyway? Some beach where the nautiloid ship crashed.

Another tadpoled survivor, the cleric Shadowheart, is nearby and they decide to stick together as they fight through a few injured intellect devourers (brains on feet) and rescue the wizard Gale from a minor black-hole situation as well as the Githyanki warrior Lae'zel from a more mundane trap - both of whom are equally tadpoled. The quartet make their way inland and witness a goblin raid fail against the walls of a druid encampment. Rather than going in they opt to skirt around as Lae'zel claims to know of a way to remove the tadpoles from their brains - a usually fatal operation.

En route to Lae'zel's solution the team happens on old lady Ethel being bullied by two guys whom they deal with. As thanks, Ethel invites them to her nearby tea house where she reveals herself to be a hag, offering to remove the tadpoles for the cost of an eye. Shadowheart agrees, but after losing one eye is still left with the parasite as Ethel's magics are useless against its Netherese protection. Instead, the witch gives a single use buff item and sends them on their way.

NWO: An Ode to the Forgotten Adventurer

There once was a man who helped those new to the shores of Neverwinter reach the city, but since the retooling of the intro quests he has been removed with Makos taking the spotlight, possibly having gone back through history to change the timeline.

While Cryptic would prefer this person to be forgotten, we will never forget Private Wilbur Winfred Wally uh... Dave. For those who don't know, Private Dave "the Dude" was an amazing ally. He heroically fell to Valindra about 5 minutes into the intro quest and would much later return as one of her officers since he managed to woo the lich despite being dead.

"It is I... Dave the Dude!"

Everyone even remembers his favourite battle cry, "For the Nashers!" which he learned as a member of the Cult of the Dragon. It is a little known fact that he was a member of all the cults, and was a master of disguise, his favourite being a kenku as he mastered their "Cacaaaww!" cry, - even before being transformed into a tiefling when he equipped an unidentified item. As a result, all of Faerun (monsters and gods included) agreed to never have unidentified items ever again.

Wanting to lift his curse our favourite guy began studying magic under an alias starting with M. Marcos or Madros or something, and became a master of all the schools of magic. At one point he even became the Queen of the undead in Ebon Downs. Many look back fondly at fighting him in the Throne of Dave dungeon, which Cryptic has also removed, yet to no avail as it keeps coming back like some olden tales. Dave "the Dude" is now everywhere and everything. He is sometimes a five headed dragon, other times a charlatan named Elminster.

Dave's worst adversaries came in the form of Great Weapon Fighters though, and on more than one occasion he called them barbarians. Now everyone else calls them barbarians too! To train up against this threat, he's practiced their two handed ways and joined the recent Hell Pit event under his super secret alias "Wilfred". See Cryptic, you can never be rid of "the dude", because we know you work for him. The proof is with the Githyanki who still yell "For the Nashers!". I'm sure they learned it from Dave.

The Cursed: The Sorcerer and the Wizard

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Meanwhile in Thay...

Having scouted the Hunter's Lounge the arena squad gets back to the fights, taking the powerful warrior Hort the orc to face vampires in round six, and is very impressed by Arzang as he can now time stop, cast imprisonment, and summon a fallen planetar of his own.

Round seven is against Githyanki, and they party up with old ally and booze hound Voghiln who says a crazy mage named Irenicus restored his flayer eaten brain somehow before selling him here. More importantly, he lets on that one of the Planar Hunters, a female bard called Joker, likes drinking with him on occasion.

I suppose the "bard" class makes sense?

The eighth match is surprisingly difficult against a Sahaugin prince and his water weirds due to all their paralyzation attacks but old senile man Dulf "Dulfy" Ebonbeard, who needs a regular potion dose for his condition, saves them with his amazing array of spells. He also reveals that the adamantine golem of the Planar Hunters is a soul-switched mage: a spell that can be undone.

With his knowledge and what the team looted from his room previously, Gerrod (the wild mage befriended before) is tasked to inscribe a scroll to handle this.

Insight: Much like the previous Black Pits, your party is restored fully after each match. That's good or this would be a very short side story! :P

The Cursed: Forever Alone

[Part of the Cursed story line]

Using gems from the defeated demon lords, Catharina assembles the portal key that lets the team descend to Level 4 which is centered around a huge machine and the crazy mage trapped within it. The machine is a reality warper, and for his own amusement he has summoned various warring monsters.

Some people just have too much time on their hands.

Obviously it's up to the team to clean up this mess, so they start with the Githyanki area and manage to eliminate them with no hassle. A red dragon they guard is quite amiable and tells them the machine is the key to the next portal. Since it's clear the dragon likes being trapped in here (his hoard is safe), they leave him alone.

Less amiable is the demi-lich that they randomly bump into. The floating skull is tough and clearly has a favorite spell called "Imprisonment". Those hit by this suffer a fate worse than death, being  trapped in a tiny sphere far underground where they will remain, magically alive, aware, and alone until the end of the planet.

It does this to a planetar and a few mord-swords. Then to Valygar who seems to be a curse magnet. And Raven. And Neera. The floating skull is destroyed but at the cost of half the team.

Insight: These Githyanki are nice enough to carry loads of health potions, handy for parties without healers.

Neverwinter Online Uprising: In Space, there is NOTHING

Uprising shouldn't even be called a mod, that's how shamefully shit it is.

The only good thing are the beautiful Stardock zones, which seems to be a plugin to an otherwise Undermountain focused war that heavily reuses previous environments. Apart from that, it's basically a non-event that doesn't even have a graphical representation of campaign progress and leads to a general feeling of not actually achieving anything.

At least everyone can breathe in space!

This is mainly due to the poor setup that immediately throws players into a grind even worse than the Heart of Fire. I should mention there's a new playable race, the Gith, and a new and supposedly really tough trial at the end.  While those don't interest me, hopefully they are fantastic for the people that do - otherwise this whole thing was just a big waste of resources. If they're lousy too then I have to wonder, why do people keep paying for this garbage?