Skyrim: Key to the Underworld

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Death Mountain was guarded by lots of Daedric guards (guys in Daedric armor, not Dremora), some with sabercat pets, and four dragons. All of whom were friendly. What? Yes I was surprised at this too. Unfortunately all points of access to the little town were locked, needing keys (my 100 lockpick skill is useless!). I couldn't make heads or tails of the clues for the first key so instead Bagamul and I just parkoured around a bit until we found a tower with an unlocked door. Finally we were getting somewhere!

There were hostile draugr inside but they were nowhere as tough as the skeletons outside, so my sword cut through them like butter. Higher up I found two more OP weapons, twin katanas of dragon slaying (base 600 damage), a "sexy" book and finally, a flaming urn with a key. Key #8? LOL.

I like books with big ... pictures!

The key gave us access to "the underworld" which for some reason was guarded by a handful of frost trolls (disappointing if you were expecting the sexy vampire version). Past them was a huge chamber, with a skeleton army AND a dracolich / bone dragon whose first move was to disarm my 900+ damage sword! >_<

Dealt with it first (with the twin katanas) and then used the Arbiter's Helm to terrify the undead army, earning Bagamul and I some free kills. Once the effect passed however, they all swarmed in and slew my orc ally viciously. Obviously, he was avenged mere minutes later.

Underworld: Rise / Eternal / Awakening

[Day 12 of Blaugust 2015!]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

A plague on both your houses! Oh... wait...

This prequel movie tells of how the vampires and lycans came to be at war in the first place. Alas, the director opted to put spoilers in for the previous two movies so I can't recommend watching this first - you'll really need to be content to watch it in order, and by doing so you'll kind of already know what happens here. The protagonists this time are Lucian the lycan (Michael Sheen) and the vampiress Sonja (Rhona Mitra) who basically just follow a much more violent and gory version of Romeo and Juliet.

Vampire Lord awesomeness.

That said it is still an entertaining film and being set in medieval times the set pieces and costumes are really cool. What really sells it for me is the inclusion once again of Viktor (Bill Nighy) who is even more bad ass than he was in the previous movies (kinda makes sense). What can I say? He's one of my favorite vampires. Doesn't top Hellsing's Alucard (because that guy is just insanely overpowered) but he's up there on the list.

Anyway I digress, I give Rise of the Lycans three fangs out of five and again recommend it to action fans, especially those that enjoy this setting. As one of those people I wouldn't mind watching this one again.

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Underworld: Eternal War

It's "Eternal" because Selene obviously likes to play with her kills.

This short three piece anime is probably one you haven't heard of, and each section is devoted to Selene hunting down a trio of lycan "lords"? These tales span a huge number of years which again makes watching it out of sequence (has to be after Rise of the Lycans) quite spoilerific. All the events take place in the same city too which is convenient for reusing backdrops. The angular character art gets takes some getting used to as well but it's passable enough with an ok amount of violence and gore.

Selene: What happened to my face?

There are tons of negatives though. The voice actors for most characters are sub par, and really the plot is on the side of being ridiculous. The bad guys clearly have no chance so it's confusing as to why Selene only downs one of them every x number of years when she was killing worse things in the movie at a faster rate. I can maybe let the first encounter slide with the pre-knowledge that the silver bullets were not as insta-fatal as their upgrades but come on.

There's also a scene in a whore house where girls wearing nothing but G-strings are surprised by the entry of a character and in the next shot all of them are armed with automatic rifles firing like mad. Yeah. What the f... Anyway, I give this one fang out of five and declare it as Not Worth Watching!

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Underworld: Awakening
More action, less story.

The humans (who definitely speak English now, thank you Underworld: Evolution for confusing yourself) have learned of the vampires and lycans and have opted to just kill both sides, and they are doing a fantastic job of it managing to capture even Selene (Kate Beckinsale is back). After yet another time skip, Selene awakens in a world where most of non-humans are gone and spends most of her time trying to protect the little girl that set her free.

Seems humans never learn to make smaller air ducts.

I suppose it's worth noting that each movie after the first has a shorter and shorter running time. This one is the quickest movie as there is not a lot going on and most of the plot is predictable, with some exceptions given Selene's new abilities from being powered up in Evolution. They also try to cover up the light plot with tons of violence, which gets a thumbs up from me but I saw what they did there...

As nice as it was to see Kris Holden-Ried  (Dyson in Lost Girl), Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones) and Theo James (Four in Divergent) all in the same film it simply isn't up to scratch as the rest of the series and I give it two fangs out of five. I still would watch it again but would prefer any of the others first.

Underworld / Evolution

[Day 8 of Blaugust 2015!]

Underworld

Proving that vampires and lycans CAN get along.

The vampires have hunted their racial enemies, the lycans, almost to extinction. Or so they thought. The gorgeous leather clad death dealer vampiress Selene (Kate Beckinsale) catches on to the ploy the lycans are undertaking but since her coven basically refuses to back her, she takes drastic measures to get them on side which inadvertently just makes things worse.

Fire and fangs!

The plot here focuses on a lot of action, effects and tons of violence with a dash of gore backed by a pretty good and tight story. All of it takes place at night, but that's understandable I suppose. Everyone is up to scratch acting wise, especially Bill Nighy's Viktor who is a fantastic character. It's also kinda funny to see Wentworth Miller with hair (he's just an extra in this film). Negatives wise, it's a little puzzling how vamps and lycans are really bad shots with firearms, and that Selene's autopistols don't need reloading more often. Also after the opening few minutes it seems the entire city is deserted of ordinary people which is somewhat odd.

Despite that this is a fantastic flick, one I give four and a half fangs out of five to and would definitely watch it again. If you haven't seen it already I suggest you do! Alas it is also the best in the Underworld series as things just go downhill from here. :P

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Underworld: Evolution

Where no one asks how Hungary people are. No, that's not a typo.

The sequel of Underworld, this film begins with a flashback intro for the new, scary antagonist. It didn't need to be there but it works pretty well as an action opening and as an excuse for more Viktor (Bill Nighy) screentime which I give a huge thumbs up to. The rest of the film is also littered with flashbacks which isn't so great if you haven't seen the first one. Anyway, Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and her new ally are on the run from the new big bad but end up having to try stop him from unleashing something terrible on the world.

Oh he's not so bad...

There's a new faction introduced, a plot-device doohickey, and a good dose of amnesia in the plot which makes it somewhat clunky. Also, I'm somewhat confused as to the Hungarian(?) tavern scene as I didn't get the feeling that they traveled that far away from the initial mansion. Everyone else in the previous movie and in this movie speak English. Only the locals and authorities of that one place didn't. It was very odd.

I did quite like that those same locals are ironically -MUCH- better with firearms than both the vamps and lycans. Fortunately the action, violence, CGI and gore are still all up to scratch too, and the inclusion of daylight hours made for a good change. Not as good as the first movie but still a decent enough action flick, I still would watch it again and give it three fangs out of five.

Sacred: Holy Hell

[Part of the Sacred Journey.]

Took a much needed detour to a massive walled city called Purgatori to take a breather from running from all the giant bugs. I also decided to help out the residents there with killing undead goblin creatures and ghouls, dealing with a demon who wasn't a demon, and baking cookies. Once that was done I set out again to find the mines, stopping only to aid a woman being chased by a swarm of giant wasps. Just to give you an idea of how tough the foes here were I really needed to use my BFG to stand a chance.

Finally I reached the mine and it was filled with shadow demons and demon worshipping Mohkva people. While the worshippers weren't much of an issue, those demons were crazy strong - came in groups of 6-8 and all of them could paralyze me which meant running past was not an option and fighting without the BFG was a risky gamble. This made traversing this place a frigging long nightmare.

At least the second floor was home exclusively to flaming spiders (how does that work?) which made it really quick, but the last floor again had the demons that needed to be slowly ground through. Eventually I came to the kidnapper demon, a strong Subkari type who didn't have the path finding issues of his predecessor. Still, it was a doable fight and eventually I was victorious. It seemed to be guarding a gate though which needed both ends shut so I stepped through and found another Sakkara demon!

Did you miss me?

Yup, another boss fight right away and this time with no geometry to hide behind. Fortunately it wasn't as strong as the last one and I still had enough healing potions to just power through it. Once it fell I returned to the underworld where the now freed Vilya was waiting. If only that was the end of it!

Sacred: Underworld

[Part of the Sacred Journey.]

Some days later, I was summoned back to the ancestral forge by lady Vilya who was having nightmares and in despair about her lost love Valor. The wise wizard was there too, and I think he was trying to resurrect the dead prince but all he managed to do was open a portal to the underworld which promptly made a big, spiny demon show up which automatically killed the wizard - grabbed Vilya and retreated back to its realm.

With no time to assemble my previous knight team (who I guess were training with the dragon in Drakenden anyway), I jumped into the portal in pursuit. Once there I found Prince Valor's ghost waiting for me, instructing me to save Vilya. Seriously!? He's still bossing me around after he's dead?

Where are these guys when I need them?

Anyway, if this is the underworld it looks a lot like the normal world. Just full of giant bugs and worms which are easily enough ran past. I also come across a mushroom village with odd looking commoners called Haduk who still trade in gold and have the normal problems to be solved as before. Asking about the kidnapper demon they direct me towards a mine to find it, and one even offers to guide me there though halfway decides he's had enough and leaves me anyway.

I don't know what happened at this point in game design terms. This was the start of huge areas to traverse with not really much content, just endless swarms of enemies, which for me was a severe drop in quality.