Elden Ring: Offer introspection

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Following the kill list leads to some pretty interesting discoveries, such as bosses that only appear at night like Nazgul Night Cavalry, Skull Birds and Darth Vader the Bell Bearing Hunter who turns out to be my final and most difficult quarry. Even the tricksy crypt dungeons and ancient dragons are easier than the last iteration of that guy, mainly because I can't use my mimic summon to help me out. Instead I used bewitching branches to get some of those oversized rats to do the dirty work for me.

You know it's bad when they can hold lightning.

I'm surprised good old Patches is on the list too, but he's obviously been murdered by highwaymen by the time I eventually find him, just like Corhyn the priest whose gear I find just outside the capital. I find some new people too, a giant lady that Latenna saves in the snowfield, a rookie finger maiden who I eventually lead to immolation (oops) and an ugly monkey tailor who wishes to be human. I help him rebirth via Renalla (yeah, ew) which works... and also results in him dying because this is Elden Ring and people just die for no reason.

Anyway, with all the bosses finally crossed off I'm content to call this adventure done and return to where Ranni awaits to begin our journey to the stars. That was a crazy experience but one I definitely enjoyed and one I hope was entertaining for you to read! Elden Ring, complete!

Dark Souls III: Epic Justice

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Since my paths are blocked by a rock and a slenderman, I decide to revisit all the old areas in semi-speed run mode to see if I missed anything that can help me get past them. Turns out, I missed quite a bit! While re-exploring Firelink Tower I am trapped by a familiar bald guy: Patches! Guess he survived our previous encounter after all. His motto of robbing my corpse "later" hasn't changed, but he doesn't realize I already know another way out. Pity he is gone by the time I get back to where he was.

I'm also surprised to find Ser Chubby down a well at the Cathedral of the Deep. Someone has apparently stolen his armor, and I have a pretty good idea who. While there I also burn a bunch of maggot men in a moat and find a way to a higher level of the Cathedral where I slay some evil pallies, poop guys, and find Rosaria the Mother of Rebirth who also happens to lead "the fingers" PvP covenant, which Leonhard wanted me to join. Obviously I decline.

The attack of the turds.

Back at Firelink to level up, I am surprised to find Patches on a higher level peddling his obviously stolen wares - which includes Ser Chubby's armor. He asks for forgiveness for his antics. I say hell no. kill the f*cker and in a moment of epic justice, rob HIS corpse of all his belongings. IT FEELS SO GOOD! I then return Ser Chubby's gear to him and help him out of the well.

 

Die patches!

Dark Souls: Over the Edge

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Fortunately I didn't break anything in the fall, and there -was- loot to collect down here. There was also a trembling leaf of a woman saying that she and her two allies were also tricked by Patches. Her allies were now hollow though, so I had to kill them - which proved easy after all that practice I had against Lautrec and his crew. After slaying the other mandatory odd undead things here I found a ladder back to Patches, who begged for forgiveness. I said no, and slashed at him. The fight was on!

To his credit, he was a decent spear user but not as decent as I was in parrying people with spears. After executing the scum I continued into another large and pitch black chamber - with giant arrows flying out of the darkness! Not willing to put up with this BS I opted to once again sprint passed everything. Fortunately the direction of the place was "down" and there were many parts where I could just jump to a lower level to avoid monsters.

Look at the size of these things flying out of the darkness!

Eventually the wall I was following led out into an open ledge overlooking Ash Lake, and it is here that Paladin Leeroy - having been corrupted by whatever was ahead I suppose - attacked me. His use of miracles caught me by surprise (which is silly since "Paladin" is in his name) which made it a tough battle. In the end I ran him through and let him stagger backwards off the cliff. The baby hydras need to eat something after all.

Rule of Cool: Don't look back at your defeated foe.

Dark Souls: Darkest Dungeon

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Where there are knights there are kings, and I soon found a great pit that led to their domain: the Abyss. Fortunately I had the ring of Artorias "the Abysswalker" which let me survive simply being in the endless black void. Where'd I get it? From his pet wolf - Sif. See what I can learn just be reading item descriptions? :P

The Kings of nothing. Literally. Just look at that screenshot.

There are four kings down here, and the fight is more a DPS race than anything else which makes it pretty straight forward. Upon slaying all four I am rewarded with my third lord soul. My next stop would be an even darker place though: the tomb of giants which is at the bottom of the catacombs I got the Rite of Kindling from before. Annoyingly I couldn't warp to the bonfires there, which meant getting there the long way on foot.

Using Solaire's bright bug on my head (yes, I'm not sure that's so appealing given it drove him mad) illuminates a small radius though - enough for me to get by when I finally reach that place and true to its name - is filled with giant skeletons who do equally giant damage. Since fighting all of them on precarious ledges and fallen pillars in the dark is not very appealing, I opt to run past and thankfully come across the safety of a bonfire! A familiar, bald spear-wielder is here too. "What, you again?" Patches exclaimed.

He was peering down a deep looking pit and asked if I could help him get the treasure below. Like a dunce I said "Sure!" and peered over the edge only to have the bastard push me down into it.

I am so killing you later.

Dark Souls: Rite of Kindling

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Returning all the way to Firelink Shrine, I returned the Firekeeper's soul to her body which resurrected her and she rewarded me by complaining her tongue had been restored. Sigh. I then decided to try my luck in the Catacombs of skeletons which get up again and found it more doable now that I've leveled up. Also, it turns out that they revive due to ugly necromancers lurking in those crypts - so slaying them became my top priority.

Traversing the place was terrible though, with so many floors that simply gave way underfoot and putting me into new, unexplored areas. Obviously the theme in this place was "down". A bald adventurer named Patches was down here, and I suspect he also made my life more difficult by flipping various bridges around via switches on the stone pillars. Couldn't prove it though so I just continued on the descent, deciding that falling in some places is faster than wading through skeletons.

Having the word "Trusty" in your name has the reverse effect.

Apparently I wasn't the only one thinking that, and was joined by Paladin Leeroy at the bottom canyon of the place where crazy skeletons riding spiked wheels (yes it's absurd) almost killed him via stun lock. After saving him he returned the favor when we reached the lowest crypt containing a three headed/masked sorcerer who enjoyed the mirror image spell. The two of us slaughtered him easy and I found the "Rite of Kindling" (more Estus flask uses per fire, yay)!  

Gee, you think he's a necromancer?

Leeroy was going to continue on into the pitch black cave ahead, because we weren't far enough "down" yet. I didn't feel like fighting blind so I used a homeward bone and returned to Firelink Shrine to level up and kindle some flames!