Greenland 2: Migration and Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man

Two sequel movies with ":"

Greenland 2: Migration

The survivors of Greenland have made it to temporary safety, but that wouldn't make an interesting story so the first thing to do is take that away and get them moving again. Only this time they have to travel much farther, but its ok because most of the deadly things are only deadly when they're mentioned and then forgotten about and the party gets loads of expendable helpers on top of the ridiculous amount of plot armor to get them through the string of roadblocks that basically make up this film. It's a more epic journey, but its somehow a worse movie than last time.

Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man

The finale to the series sees protagonist Thomas Shelby (Cillian Murphy) having become a recluse and handing over his gang to his gypsy son who is doing his best and succeeding at being an asshole to everyone, all while making some really bad decisions. So bad that his dad has to be awoken from his slumber to come fix everything. 

Everything considered the plot is actually quite small scale and would really only appeal to people who have watched the series. If you were a fan then yes, this is for you, complete with cool non-era music and shots of just "looking cool". 

Plane and Carry On

Movies about airports and aircraft.

Plane

In an effort to save fuel costs, a commercial airliner attempts to shortcut through a storm and soon finds themselves emergency landing on a small Philippine island controlled by violent rebels. Good thing their pilot and main protagonist is played by Gerard Butler though, because he's literally the deus ex machina that keeps this unintentionally hilarious film going. While there's an ok amount of action the plot is silly, the main bad guy who gives the orders can barely speak proper Tagalog, and the whole emergency landing thing near the start should have been a crash and burn instead. Only recommended if you are a huge Gerard Butler fan, otherwise don't board this one.

Carry On

Taron Egerton stars as a "going nowhere" lowly airport security guy who finally gets a baggage scanning job only to be manipulated by a bad guy who pressures him into letting a particular carry on bag to be let through. This film actually has lots of decent action scenes (and soooo much running) as well as hilarious exchanges with the bad guy but its main flaw is the massive logic leaps it uses to actually get the bad guy's Batman gambit started. If the protagonist had a spine from the start the movie would be over much quicker, but no - he has to grow that as the movie progresses. Other than that it's an ok watch, but only if you've got nothing better to see.

Kandahar and Guy Ritchie's The Covenant

Movies about war translators.

Kandahar

When an undercover CIA agent (played by Gerard Butler) gets his cover blown while he's overseas in enemy territory, he and his translator need to go on the run from multiple threats and reach the extraction site. While the action parts here actually are quite nice, this movie is just so damned slow. Script wise people also make really stupid decisions, like all the budget went to the over the top action set pieces and to hell with everything else. Not recommended.

Guy Ritchie's The Covenant

Not to be confused with the horror movie "The Covenant", this film follows a soldier (Jake Gyllenhaal), his translator, and their squad as they look for enemy weapons facilities in Afghanistan. The pacing between action and story is really good in this one, and because the fight scenes are more realistic it immediately makes it better than Kandahar. The last third could have used something more, but all up a decent movie. If you are picking between these two, this one is the clear winner.

Greenland and Violent Night

Things from the sky.

Greenland

When a comet is set to crash into Earth, every man John (played by Gerard Butler) must do everything he can to get his family to safety, just like the dinosaurs did..? To make it more challenging, his family are dumber than dinosaurs in multiple parts of the film but this is offset by the portrayal of the military who are all amazing people apparently. There are interesting ideas tangled with dumb decisions to push the plot every which way, not helped by the weak CGI. Not recommended.

Violent Night

This comedy features a unique version of Santa (played by David Harbour) who decides to try fix a hostage situation and things get very bloody as naughty people get their gory gifts. While the violence is the big selling point it's also what might turn you off from this film - its definitely not for kids. That said I enjoyed it quite a lot as it had decent action, an ok story, a high body count and very good use of music. If you ever wanted to see Santa toss people into a wood chipper then this is the movie for you.

Gods of Egypt

 They are like transformers?

In the ancient times when towering gods walked among humans and occasionally transforming into CG creatures for fun, an upset Set (Gerard Butler) goes on a rampage in a bid to become ruler of the world and only his nephew Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) with the aid of a mortal man (Brenton Thwaites) have a chance of putting an end to his plans.

Yes. Very Egyptian.

Not the most unique of story lines and there's a major disconnect when things go into CGI mode, not helped in that every scene there is a god and a human, the gods have to be edited (or carefully framed) to look physically larger. Since I had zero expectations I found it entertaining enough for a no brainer flick. Not one I'd actively watch again though - I give it two silly giant snakes out of five.

White House (X) has Fallen

Saving the president in four action movies!

White House Down

When terrorists attack the White House, rejected bodyguard hopeful (Channing Tatum) somehow becomes the only one capable of saving the President... but he has to save his own daughter too! Much less serious than the next few movies (below) with mostly bloodless deaths and tons of humor, this action flick is very entertaining for what it is. Even the bad guys have quirky personalities which make it all the more enjoyable. Recommended if you need a light, fun, no-brainer flick for the evening. Two and a half "cool" President's carrying rocket launchers out of five.

Olympus has Fallen

When terrorists attack the White House, disgraced agent Mike Banning (Gerard Butler) somehow becomes the only one capable of saving the President... as violently as possible! The body count and violence in this film almost makes White House Down look child friendly - and at the same time makes this even more epic as Agent Banning methodically takes down the bad guys at a good pace. It does portray the President as a bit of an idiot though. Three and a half broken protocols out of five.

I wonder if he's friends with Jack Bauer...

London has Fallen

A state funeral in London is the perfect place for angry terrorists to murder many leaders of the world. Luckily Agent Banning (Gerard Butler) is still on duty to protect the President against this threat as he continues to add to his kill count while flaunting heavy plot-armor. Seriously, if you have superior numbers shooting down a narrow alleyway and you fail to repel the enemy force - you deserve what's coming to you. Two and a half drone strikes out of five.

Angel has Fallen

An attack on the President frames Agent Banning (Gerard Butler) as the guilty party. Now on the run, he has to both kill the bad guys, prove his innocence, AND continue to save the President with his epic fugitive time management skills. No surprises plot wise but still a nice flick where the dumb bad guys get what's coming to them. Three awesome acting babies out of five.

Den of Thieves

Cops and robbers for action fanatics.

At it's core, this is a heist movie focusing on heavy violence as Merrimen's (Pable Schrieber) thieves go up against Nick's (Gerard Butler) bad boy sheriffs. After the initial action packed intro the story dials back a lot though, with flash backs and back stories aplenty which drag the pace down somewhat. Most of these could probably have been cut from the film altogether which would result in a cleaner and shorter story.

The perfect tool for thieving.

Anyway, the acting is passable, the heist itself is pretty good and there are some surprising plot twists but are they enough to save that mire in the middle? Eh... kind of. I'll only recommend this one for action fans, and only as a "there's nothing else to watch" flick. Den of Thieves steals 2.5 Chinese takeaways out of 5, and I wouldn't watch it again.

300 / 300: Rise of an Empire

This is SPARTA!

"300" follows the story of King Leonidas, from his childhood when he is brain washed and trained like the rest of his male kin to become fearless warriors and focuses more upon his command of three hundred Spartans defending a narrow pass against the uncountable armies of Xerxes, the incredibly tall and gifted with a poor sense of fashion. The plot has a narrator which is forgivable for me in how it is used here, and it also calls for a lot of violence, decapitation, awesome FX and combat routines and a tiny bit of sex.

They probably deserved some Maccers after training to look like that!

But what it has the most is: slow motion capture. Yep. That dude getting hit by a spear? Slow mo! This guy getting hacked to pieces? Slow mo. Sex Scene? Slow mo. Guys walking / traveling from point A to B: Slow mo. That last one irritated me a little as it's basically just filler. Also filler is the majority of Lena Headey's role here. She and the council bit could have been entirely cut or at least been tied in better to the one eyed guy who basically is the one who gets shit done in the end.

Also, while the fighting scenes really take more than a few liberties in that the Spartans hold a phalanx for... oh around 60 seconds in the entirety of the film and spend most of the battle out in glorious solo combat like Highland berserkers, Leonidas' decision to "not use" the hunchback doesn't make sense. Yes, he's no good in a phalanx but that's not exactly what you guys were doing anyway! Still I give this violent and bloody film three and a half swords out of five, and wouldn't mind watching it again.

~-~

The sequel "Rise of the Empire" again makes use of a narrator, not so well this time, and follows the Athenian champion Themistocles (who ironically doesn't have the charisma of Leonidas acting wise). It also acts as an origin story about the war and Xerxes himself, how he was a normal dude before jumping into a magical pool of godliness. Erm? Also, the "bad guys" look less hideous this time around, while the "good guys" are less buff (makes sense since they aren't Spartans) - which also smells a bit like saving some cash for the props and training department.

While most of the combat here focuses on ship to ship combat it is still a brutal and bloody affair. There's also less slow mo which is better for me as you can appreciate the fight choreography more. Alas some of that goes out the window with the feats of jumping, throwing, and magical sniper-archery involved but perhaps the worst plot part is the "we need to put a sex scene in". The scene itself is nice (hello Eva Green!) but just ... story wise, you'll see what I mean. Anywho, I give it two and a half out of five heat-seeking arrows and also wouldn't mind watching it again (though the first one would be preferred).

F*** you, physics.