Elden Ring: Are you ready?

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

One more return trip to the previously flooded church district lets me find an elevator I turned my back on the first time I came through and subsequently forgot about. Turns out this is very important since it leads right to a giant rotten sunflower boss that actually respawns twice during the fight! It takes a few goes to realize the holy club and range are no good here - indeed the sunflower excels at range, so I need to get in there with the great dragon hunting katana to chop it up and when I finally manage to do so it drops Miquella's great rune - the item I can use to counter that two-hit instakill!

Now I'm all set, I return to Radahn wielding the antspur rapier (he's weak to scarlet rot) and decked out in Moore's heavy armor and tower shield with the +3 Crimson Medal (max bonus HP), +3 Viridian Medal (max bonus stam), Two-Headed Turtle Talisman (stam recovery boost), and Kindred of Rot's Exultation (bonus damage when near scarlet rot). Turns out to be a simple matter of blocking and stabbing to absolutely cane him, which is great because it actually took me around 30+ attempts before trying this combination lol.

Finally stabbed him to death!

Thollier does not survive the confrontation but neither do Radahn and Miquella, while Sir Ansbach dies from his grave injuries afterwards. Thumbs up Elden Ring, everyone died! Though I think I died the most? :P That concludes the adventures here once more. Unless there's another DLC that comes out... Oh look, what's Night Reign? :P

Elden Ring: Seek map

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

After numerous failed attempts I can get Radahn to phase two consistently, but don't have enough stam to block or dodge to survive beyond that. There's also the small matter of Miquella's two hit insta-kill in phase two that I don't have a counter for, so I opt to go off to train and finish the map first, starting by hopping into a coffin and the base of the drained church district of Shadow Keep to ride it down a waterfall (fitting since Radahn kept killing me anyway).

Well that's different...

Down there I slay a Rakshasa, an entire fly man village, two more hippos and find the Darklight catacombs which is slightly annoying in that its pitch black, but at least there are light switches to turn on the torches and a really nice Viridian Amber Medallion +3 to help with my stamina issue. After beating a shady inquisitor at the bottom the path continues to the Abyssal Woods, which is so scary that the horse cannot be summoned. This is because the whole area is a stealth section as there are a few enemies that can't actually be hit. Crouch walking and tall grass are you friends!

There's a big, well designed mansion down here (with looping shortcuts) with a madness theme and a pretty simple boss who is holy club spammed which is the same solution for the Maddening Hand invader who is great in close quarters but not so much if you can ping him off at a distance. With the woods mapped I only have one more missing segment in the top left, an annoying one to find since it requires going through a tunnel behind a lake some distance away from the spot but there's not much to report down there that I haven't already run into. More spider scorpions, bears, another death knight etc.

Elden Ring: Praise the holy!

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

With that handy side quest done I'm back to Shadow Keep to exit via the West gate, when I finally figure out that its the little side door to use instead of the usual giant one. This path leads through a Bloodfiend tribe to a powerful hammer knight who I can only defeat using holy club magic missile spam, followed by a bridge that needs crossing in time with the giant fire effigy's flame vortex cool down and into some massive ruins that are home to both giant spider scorpions up stairs, fly men down stairs, more bird assassins and freaking insect people in plagued scarlet rot caves that really suck (I dash past these mounted).

Good thing I had left over Scarlet Rot cures and remembered to use them!

Annoyingly Hornsent invades at the exit of that plague section and I have to put down my ex-ally, right before facing the area boss who is a half lady, half winged centipede creature that also spreads scarlet rot. Luckily I down her on my first attempt with the help of Dryleaf Dane. Setting a tree behind her on fire removes the shadow seal from that tower near the start, and I find myself teleported to it to slay cultists and fly folk within while trying to dodge the stronger ogre mages. That first one blocking the stairs is a doozy and again needs holy club magic missile spam!

The fight up continues past another lion dancer to a chamber where Needle Knight Leda blocks the path with her allies Moore and Dryleaf Dane, but they are no match for me and my allies - Thollier and Sir Ansbach! With Miqella's last line of defense gone all that's left is for the three of us to get up to the highest boss door and... find Miqella has one more guardian on his side: Radahn!?

Elden Ring: Monstrosity!

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

There's a strange side quest for all these giant hands in this DLC. At a Cathedral near the Shadow Keep I found Count Ymir and his female bodyguard Jolan (who looks like fem-Sauron) and the guy is looking for help in ringing the great finger bells in the region and gives maps to them one by one. Without fail they are in remote places with giant finger type stones poking out of the ground and guarded by those damned giant hands that crawl around. I can handle the small to medium ones now but the huge ones with magic rings always cause me trouble.

Anyway, these bells are also finger shaped and are rung by blowing into it (yes thank you Elden Ring for making players blow fingers), and each time the Ymir rejoices at the accomplishment while he getting even creepier by playing nursemaid to a smaller hand creature. The third and final map he gives is in a location of the Cathedral itself and you need to wait for him to get off his throne to access the underground chamber below. There, after fighting more hands and Invader Anna (who I assume is Jolan's sister given the same armor) and ringing the bell is the horrible boss: Metyr, Mother of Fingers.

It has enough fingers to perform hand seals like a Narutard!

Seriously. WTF. Still took it down in my first attempt by staying on its front or back since the side "hands" are very dangerous, but upon returning upstairs both Ymir and Jolan are upset at this turn of events and attack!? Dude, you gave me a map to the damn place! Anyway, Jolan is the more dangerous of the pair but is weak to the great dragon hunting katana's special move while Ymir is just another pew pew caster with a short range teleport and the occasional summoned hand. So the reward for doing his job is killing everyone. Nice.

Elden Ring: Time for snake

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Leaving Thollier in the garden, the time has come to take on the Shadow Keep which includes dodging another giant fire effigy and slaying numerous black knights. Hornsent and Freyja aid against the courtyard guardian, a golden hippopotamus that eats the hapless Freyja before Hornsent finishes it off allowing me to enter the really tall tower that serves as a research station full of inscribed stone tablets and hanging giant corpses. Among the many enemies and flame knights (not so scary since they have little poise/are easy to stagger) I assist Sir Ansbach in doing some research on Miqella and assist Hornsent in fighting off Leda who is coming to kill him!

She escapes the battle but Hornsent is grateful enough to assist in fighting Messmer, the snake and spear wielding boss of this keep. It takes me three tries to get him down then I back track to the Keep's flooded church district (jumping puzzle time) and unflood it via a handy lever? Why would that not just be open all the time? Big monsters wait in the muddy bottom there whom I skip for now, and instead find the back door where the boar riding Commander Gaius awaits! He's another tough fight until I realize all I have to do is roll INTO his attacks.

Yes, roll into the giant armored boar.

While its a dead end beyond, there are a whole bunch of Scadutree fragments to collect which are a new thing that provide bonuses to people in the shadow realm. A separate path leads to a pair of mounted Tree Sentinels who I now classify as weak, followed by some worthless snake aliens and another falling star beast which poses no threat what so ever. Beyond the next camp is true horror though... as there flocks of giant hands crawling around! YUCK!!!

Elden Ring: Don't you dare!

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

After that dragon slaying adventure there is a strange chime and a warning that "somewhere a great rune has broken" as I'm exploring the small village and gaol of Bonny which prompts me to check how Leda and her team are doing. Apparently Miqella is a great charmer, and with that magic gone only Leda remains faithful to him... and possibly Dryleaf Dane because that guy just doesn't talk! Freyja decides to do her own thing, Hornsent is angry, Moore is sad, Sir Ansbach is fearful, and Thollier remembers he has a hard on for St. Trina, remembering that Moore mentioned something about her flowers located on an isle to the South.

I'm always up for a good love story (but this is Elden Ring so... I expect lots of death) so I head to said place and find a deep hole near those flowers the guys were talking about and find a deep cave with Bloodletters, ghost beastmen, skeletal warriors whose bones you need to smash after they die otherwise they get back up again, and a really odd campsite of animals all sleeping in worship...? The mounted boss here is a tough one: the Putrescent Knight. He and his horse can combo for days while moving out of range so its back to the holy club for this fight, where I spam the magic "bullet" attack to win.

It happens so much that it loses the weight usually attached to it.

This turns out to be St. Trina's garden and she herself is here... a plant lady oozing with tempting(?) nectar. Drinking it causes death but hey, there's a respawn point nearby anyway so I drink so much that she starts talking to me, saying Miqella has to be stopped from becoming trapped as a god. Thollier shows up and is upset I'm drinking his lady's juices so there's a brief skirmish and he is indeed very weak, but after explaining that I'm only doing that as a means of communication we're good again and it's his turn to nurse at the flower's teat? Thanks Elden Ring, you make me type up the strangest stuff. :P

Elden Ring: Dragon ahead

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Returning to the back exit of Ancient Dragon-Man's hole (yeah, that sounded bad), I find a bunch of ghostflame dragons to slay and an injured dragon hunter named Igon who wants vengeance upon someone called Bayle. I soon learn from a nearby dragon priestess who has setup up shop beside the corpse of a gigantic dragon, that Bayle is the forefather of ancient dragons and lives atop the stormy mountain I'm climbing. She also wants him dead and gives me a blessing from her lord Plasidusax (who I've also killed).

I get side tracked a little with the gorgeous scenery and end up fighting a demi-human queen (lure and kill), a giant death rite bird (weak to holy club) and then fall in the Lamenter's gaol (easy fight as the idiot relies on mirror images to make up for his lack of HP) before finally making my way up the scary mountain where I encounter the ancient lightning dragon Senessax who is ridiculously strong but I can run past, followed by Bayle the Dread himself at the mountain summit who has no problems smashing me into paste.

So much fire!

Alas, it is finally time to switch from the great club to... Ancient Dragon-Man's dragon-hunter's great katana! This thing is amazing, and with my mimic and Igon's archery Bayle is taken down - but he manages to finish off Igon. Senessax turns out to be a more challenging fight because he's sitting in a lake which conducts his electricity so there's a lot of horseback jumping involved over numerous attempts before the ancient dragon is defeated. I may have also accidentally killed the Dragon Priestess by giving her a drink bottle from Thollier... oops?

Elden Ring: Try looking away

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Unlike the slow stone smiths there are occasionally these spry birdmen assassins that jump out and do capoeira at me, and after beating the third or so (they are paper DPSsers), I meet the final member of Leda's team: a weak and soft spoken chemist named Thollier who sells poisons. On the cliffside path beyond Ancient Dragon-Man invades (and is promptly slain lol). Seriously? "Ancient Dragon-Man"? Could have been worse I suppose. Still remember that guy from Knight Online named "Warm Dragon Piss". 

The mimic tear still rocks!

A dungeon beyond him that features his return as the boss (LOL) opens a path to some jagged mountains but I opt to go another way first to Castle Ensis, guarded by an armored giant! But these are like the ones I've killed before so he's no problem, and neither are the soldiers and casters I sneak up upon. The Carian Knight Moonrithyll IS a problem though as she is super aggressive so I have a fun time running away from her until I reach the next camp site... then I go back and kill her. Fights go very differently if I can open with a sneak attack!

The actual boss of the castle is a dual sword wielder of no importance because she has absolutely no chance against me and Needle Knight Leda, and beating her opens up the next zone... with an even bigger castle in the distance. LOL. I take a detour first to try get a map fragment but fail since it is not in the valley I thought it was and instead end up facing off against a death knight in his crypt. Too bad for him he's weak to my holy great club. No idea why the club is holy, it just is. I'm now level 165.

Elden Ring: Be wary of laggardly sort

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

At the Belurat Tower Settlement I meet some insectoid foes namely the fly men who have a really annoying grab attack, and the terrifying but actually easy to slay scorpion spiders, because regular scorpions and spiders aren't bad enough! The shady villagers are also keen ambushers but thanks to all the signs left by other tarnisheds I basically have a heads up for any and all ambushes en route to the top of the place where I meet the big boss of the area: a lion dancer? WTF? Anyway, Freyja and I put an end to him easily but the next tower up is sealed by "shadow" so that's the cue to head off and explore again.

Below the settlement is the gaol full of Jar men and folks in various stages of Jar-manism. It isn't pretty. For some reason the boss down here is an agile goblin who is easily slain, just like the ghostflame dragon at the lake outside. I also locate what seems to be a wolf cave but at the lowest level is an entire church of Bloodfiends! This is where I learn the value of a bow (I just use the pulley bow) to annoy one of them at a time to lure and kill which is a super handy strategy since many things fall for it!

After slaying their chieftain boss I locate an ancient forge, being fought over by soldiers and Bloodfiends, that is home to easily smashed lava eles and super tough but also incredibly slow stone smiths. These forge dungeons are really cool as there's no boss in them, just a set of puzzles (and dodging the smiths) to get to the "final forge" to retrieve high level crafting stuff. Less fighting, more thumbs up!

It's faster just to side step these lumbering golem smiths.

Elden Ring: Here again...

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Just when I thought I was done with Elden Ring, Juris gifts me the DLC: Shadow of the Erdtree. So now I'm back and quickly recruited by Needle Knight Leda to venture to the Realm of Shadow to find their lord, Miquella. This realm of Shadow is quite pleasant at first. Lush fields with ordinary shadow peasant folk and their shadow dog pets whom I murder as well as giant stone birds that come to life when you get too close to whatever grave they are guarding. They're also no match for my great club.

It's a magical place...

It's when I find the tomb of some ghost knight with a huge sword and repeating crossbow that I start getting my ass kicked because I've forgotten how to play. Dodge? Block? Counter? Stam runs out!? What!? "You have died" (a lot). But slowly it comes back to me: with the club, aggression is king and if I ignore any and all semblance of intellect and just rush forward and jump smash, that's how I win. Easily. Because club: smash! Also super effective on the stone birds!

Soon after I meet more of Leda's team: Redmane Freyja, a soldier of Radahn (who I helped kill). Hornsent, a bandaged samurai. Sir Ansbach, former servant of Mogh (who I killed). Dryleaf Dane, a silent monk and Moore, a heavily armored but simpleton knight who likes collecting and selling stuff. Nearby are more denizens of the place, spiritual ogres who I later learn are called "Bloodfiends" and lightning goats who I always run away from! I also always avoid the giant burning men because... what sane person would want to fight that? my club doesn't hurt it enough and it has good AoE. :P