The Old Guard 2 and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

Sequel movies that ignore common sense.

The Old Guard 2 

This sequel continues the story of a band of immortals (led by one played by Charlize Theron who isn't immortal now) as they continue to do dangerous things and get their feelings hurt, mainly because physical damage is meaningless. Hilarious plot devices to provoke hand to hand fights (which are not bad but very choreographed) including things like, don't use firearms near the reactor but then proceed to step on exploding mines in that area which are apparently ok? They try to give answers, but the answers are silly. Not as good as the first movie.

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny 

This latest Indiana Jones flick sees an elderly Doctor Jones (Harrison Ford) still fighting Nazis over an ancient artifact (again). Good news: I feel this is better than the previous movie "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull", but that is a super low bar to clear. As it is, you need to actively accept that characters here can ignore physics and common sense with simple things like, knocking someone out and dropping them off camera means no one can spot the body now since it is out of the shot - even if in reality they'd be standing right on top of them! If you can look past (a lot) of that, then you might enjoy this adventure. 

Umbrella Academy (TV) and The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

Not fighting fair.

Umbrella Academy (4 Seasons)

This show focuses on a dysfunctional superhero "family" adopted by a domineering and eccentric billionaire father who uses them to fight crime. Alas after a botched mission they all go their separate ways for years until their hated father figure dies. It's as this point they discover they have to stop the apocalypse (or, a chain of them as it turns out). Some funny bits, some cool bits, and some decent fight scenes pepper the very weird plot so it is entertaining for the spectacle if nothing else. Acting wise I'd say Aidan Gallagher is the stand out performer here and easily steals the majority of the scenes he's in.

The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare

It is World War II and the British have had enough of the Nazi's dominating the seas thanks to their U-boats, so they assemble a small team (with members played by Henry Cavill and Alan Ritchson to name a few) to go an unsanctioned undercover mission to hit the U-boat supply station on a Spanish controlled island. On one side it's a very humorous take with Nazi's being terrible shots and having so many of them as fodder but there are a few brief bits of torture just to reinforce that the Nazi's are the very bad guys. Ultimately a movie to turn your brain off for, as that's the best way to enjoy it.

Sisu and Rebel Moon - Part 2: The Scargiver

Movies with high improbability.

Sisu

Finland, World War II. An old gold prospector trying to distance himself from the war strikes it rich and begins his journey to the bank. Unfortunately a platoon of Nazi's decide to try get in his way. Unfortunate for them that is! This funny and violent flick stays that shallow for the whole thing, and I'm glad that most of the speech is in English. Our heavily plot armored hero encounters a lot of unlikely situations but all are quite entertaining.  A good movie if you just want to see some old fashioned "one good guy takes down a lot of bad guys". Recommended!

Rebel Moon - Part 2: The Scargiver

The continuation of this space Seven Samurai flick features a lot more action than the first outing which is both good and bad. Good in that the action scenes are nice with plenty slow motion artistry and cool CGI, bad that story wise you will either not care or just hate some of the protagonists, especially if you didn't watch the first movie. The opening narration tries its best to get you up to speed if you haven't seen it but you'll encounter a lot of "why is this person doing this" and "where did this thing come from" questions. I think the writers realized this problem and shoved in a montage string sequence at one part to try put a backstory to some of them but I'm not sure it got the effect they intended. Anyway, it's still an improvement on the first movie at least.

The Ice Road and All the Light We Cannot See

Two conditions you probably shouldn't be driving in? :P

The Ice Road

When an accident gets some people trapped in a mine, it is up to down to a few truckies including one played by Liam Neeson to sign up for a dangerous drive against time across a frozen lake while hauling a heavy load of equipment to save the trapped men before their air runs out. Since the writers figured that was too boring, they also decided to make it an action movie which results in some very poor brawling sequences, poor effects, and a questionable plot that is teeming with inconsistencies. It's not very good but it might still appeal for people that like watching big rigs doing things they shouldn't normally be doing.

All the Light We Cannot See

This four episode mini-series follows a blind French girl and a German soldier who have a shared passion for radios during World War II. While there are good sets, acting, effects and an interesting enough story, there's a heavy use of flashbacks (*bum-bummmm noise*) and in some parts you can actually feel the plot armor on some characters. Had this been told chronologically I think I would have liked it better. I mean, all the bits are filmed anyway for the audience but how they are revealed is mostly when someone asks a character about their past. Instead of having a plot that spans however many years, the entire story (the part that matters where all the "stakes" are) just takes place in a few days.

Only in occasions where someone is discovering the past through unrelated characters should flashbacks be considered, like in The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar. Anyway, that's just my little nitpick. It's still enjoyable as it is.

Sniper Elite: The Board Game

This World War 2 game (which comes from the successful digital game franchise), one player is an allied sniper who is kitted out with cool items and uses a separate board with a dry-erase marker to stealthily move around the map while up to three others control the three squads of defenders (nine soldiers all up) to defend the 10 objectives on the board for 9 or 18 turns (the turn track goes back to 1 if the sniper completes one objective) OR wound the sniper twice. The sniper just has to reach two predetermined objectives (hidden card draw) to win.

Obviously the sniper player has to be honest, remembering not to move through walls or defenders, to inform defenders if some soldiers heard a noise (if they moved quickly) or declaring if a shot resulted in a kill. Shooting is rather interesting as the sniper has to declare how many tokens they are pulling out of a bag. To score a hit, they must pull enough aim tokens equivalent to the distance of their target otherwise its a miss. Conversely if they draw two noise tokens, they must immediately give away their position! Just like when they complete their first objective!

Each squad of defenders also has one leader who has a two use per game special power. Among them are the medic can make sure the soldiers in his squad don't die when shot, the kennel master can put down some barky dogs, and the scout teleport his units across the map!? There's also a German sniper officer who can also use the sniper's shot bag.

When we played two players (one sniper/one had all the defenders), it really felt the sniper had the advantage as they won three out of four times. When we played with four (one sniper/three with one defender squad each), the sniper got TROUNCED three out of three times! I found it quite fun to play both and am confident this is better than my similar Jaws game. That said I'll only recommend it to people who enjoy this sort of thing, because it can feel very lopsided at times.

Zombie Army Trilogy

Because magical Hitler must be stopped!

This spin-off from Sniper Elite has slowly fixed a number of things for our co-op sessions, given I've written about it twice before. This trilogy has all the missions from the last two Nazi zombie games and adds five more, bringing the total to 15. Well 14 since Chapter 1 of Book 2 still had connection problems for three of us (DL, Jim and myself) right at the end so we had to skip it which thankfully is a valid option.

Indeed, you can pick whatever mission you want to try - no unlocking required - but must rely on the mission checkpoints to save your progress through it. The last book sees the sniper heroes return to a much better looking apocalypse graphics wise, and for a change there are other friendlies in a few missions. Also introduced are new enemies, such as the terrifying chainsaw elite and heavily armored zombies and giant zombies.

That's one big Fuhrer!

There's definitely a difficulty increase towards the final mission (to kill Hitler) with some ludicrous amounts of zombies needing to be killed (looking at you book 3 chapter 3 finale) but its all good fun and definitely one a co-op team would enjoy. I give it four relics out of five, but won't play it again. Killing the millions of zombies once was enough, thanks. :P

Insight: In the final chapter(s) most goals switch from kill the zombies to get "x" done, because the zombies won't stop spawning anymore which is especially true fighting Hitler (unless he's having a migraine, then you can relax and prepare first before the next phase). Jumping from the balcony there can be a real life (and time) saver!

Danger 5

Showing how difficult it is to kill Hitler!

From the makers of Italian Spiderman, this two season comedy follows a quintet of allied operatives on their ludicrous missions to stop various Nazi plots and as always, to kill Hitler. Low budget and with incredibly stupid and silly plots, this is definitely not a show for everyone - but for those like me who enjoy such things... it is absolutely amazing.

Yes, that is Hitler carrying a shark.

The quality actually improves in season two, and I have to admit that this show has one of my favorite representations Hitler (thanks Andreas Sobik). Anyway, if you feel game - you can check it out yourself for free on Youtube! And as a bonus here's another short work from the same people: Computer Man.

Less than Super: Shields of the Ray

One makes it work, the other doesn't.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Proves it doesn't need super powers.

This seven season series follows the titular secret organization and their continued missions to save the world while dealing with terrorists, traitors, aliens, robots, time travel and everything in between - and that's on top of "powered individuals" since this show exists in the Marvel universe.

Very cool.

Despite a number of logic flaws peppered in, I was surprised at how cool this turned out, as I was strongly in the camp of "why are we watching these people who have no super powers while constantly being reminded that the Avengers are a thing?"

Even without the movie tie-ins, which there are a few, this was definitely an interesting watch and one I can easily recommend. Three and a half Tahiti's out of five.

Freedom Fighters: The Ray

More animated Arrowverse! Except, more isn't always "better"...

Earth X is over run by Nazis, and after an embarrassing defeat the superhero known as the Ray hops dimension onto Earth-1 and promptly dies in the backyard of Ray Terrill, who takes up the mantle and powers of the deceased traveler. This attracts the attention of local heroes from team Arrow, team Flash and Vixen, and of course, the Nazis from Earth X!

The weakest / most worthless Arrowverse team so far.

This two "season" show really only amounts to an hour all up, so there's not much plot to be found here given that half of it are action pieces, and while those and the animation quality are decent - you aren't really missing out on much if you give this a miss. Also isn't "freedom fighter" a synonym to "terrorist"? Just saying. One closet out of five.

Penny Dreadful and the League of the Extraordinary

Dreadfully Extraordinary.

Penny Dreadful

All sad people like poetry. Happy people like songs.

Veteran hunter and explorer Sir Malcolm Murray (Timothy Dalton) assembles a formidable team of talented people to face the forces of the dark. One of these people is Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) whose fate is intertwined to the survival of the world... or at least, of London.

Kinda wish they made more of this.

This dark and wonderfully cinematographic three season series has some cool fight scenes, more than a few scary sections, a truckload of good acting and some great use of poetry. Alas the plot is not as tightly knit as I'd like with some characters idling on the sidelines for far too long but it still makes for entertaining viewing. Definitely a show I recommend, I give it 3.5 scorpions out of 5.

Fans should also view the pretty decent prequel comic which you can find online that I think is worth a look. Apparently there's also a graphic novel that continues the story after the series as well, but I've not been able to get my hands on that yet.   

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

I was hoping I'd get to nail you one more time.

Veteran hunter and explorer Alan Quartermain (Sean Connery) is tasked to lead a formidable team of talented people to face the forces of the dark a mysterious warmonger. While it certainly feels similar to Penny Dreadful, character and setting wise, it's far more light hearted and has many silly moments.

Lol at the forced American in the story.

However, it also has plenty of good action scenes and a decent pace to the story that makes it highly entertaining. Definitely more for action buffs rather than intellectuals, I give this three old tigers out of five and would easily watch it again.

Penny Dreadful: City of Angels

What a weak spin off.

A time and world away from the original series, this one features Natalie Dormer as a supernatural entity bent on making man war upon himself... only she's not really too powerful at all, requiring whispered suggestions (that sometimes fail) and multiple shapeshifting roles (which is great for the actress, not so great for the character).

Humanizing your supernatural elements is a mistake.

Indeed the Nazis, who are on the rise at this time, are doing a better job than she is but even then they get maybe 35% of the story time. The rest focuses on the Latins and their mistreatment from the whites. I do quite enjoy all those dancing scenes though. There's a surprising amount of it here and perhaps the highlight of the entire show for me. One solo tap routine even greatly improved my liking of one character!

Shame that the writers messed up the plot in this one, or at least failed to make it interesting. Not even Rory Kinnear's reappearance here (as another character) could save it. Cancelled after season one, I can't really recommend this one at all. I give it one and a half loud arguments that go no where out of five.

Pathway

The journey is more important than the destination.

The desert is full of ancient ruins that hide alien tech which has drawn Nazis and strange zombie making cultists to the area. It is up to your intrepid team and a trusty jeep to beat them to those priceless relics!

Or, you can just show up late and shoot everyone...

After selecting your squad most missions involve traversing a map and dealing with random skill challenges or more often, strategic combat ala X-COM, which is what will take up most of your time.

As always, using cover is often vital and since your characters do level up you want to try make sure they all survive each encounter. Not a bad little game, but it is rather short. Pathway is a decent distraction if you like that type of game play, and one I give 2.5 fuel cans out of 5.

Insight: Always buy fuel. If your jeep runs out of fuel you can still continue on foot but will take severe damage in doing so.

Jojo Rabbit

Heils everyone!

10 year old Johannes (Roman Griffin Davis) is a Nazi fanatic, to the extent that his make believe friend is Adolph Hitler himself (played by Taika Waititi, who also directed this movie)! What is he to do when he finds out that his mother (Scarlett Johansson) is hiding a jew in his house? While there is a heavy emphasis on comedy, there are also suitably dark and dramatic moments in there to balance them out.

Imaginary Hitler is hilarious!

Cinematography and acting wise, everything is good though the plot does seem to slow down a lot midway prior to picking up the pace again in the third act. Still very enjoyable and one I would recommend and watch again. I give it 3.5 rabbits out of 5.

Black Orchestra

The only way to win is to assassinate Hitler!

This five person co-operative game takes place in Nazi Germany, and as one of the members of the titular Black Orchestra you must keep the Gestapo off your scent while you plan, prepare and ultimately try to kill Hitler - not easy given his military support and his penchant of hopping around the board. It's a game of planning and dice rolling, and while turns seem to go quickly the game does run quite a while. The expanding and contracting map which follows the seven event stages (which in turn follow the war) are a nice touch, and evading his lieutenants and building a conspiracy dice pool is a fun mini-game in itself.

For our first game, the plan was to ambush him in Prague. The team had gathered there and my wife managed to lure Hitler from the Eagles Nest. It was then up to DL, who rolled 6 dice (1 for passing the mandatory requirement, 2 for all of us being there, 1 for having a key item, 2 for using a one shot card) requiring three successes (Hitler's weakest in standard mode) - we had worked hard to reduce his military support for this very event! Alas it failed and he got away while we separated to collect more gear to try again.

Near the end of the war, we regrouped in Prague to try ambush him again - luring him from the Eagles Nest once more and DL this time had 8 dice requiring 4 successes. Still failed! Being reckless I opted to try snipe him instead, having 4 dice and requiring 4 successes. My attempt was so sneaky, no one even knew there was an attempt as I completely missed. They probably thought some local was duck hunting!

DL managed to stall Hitler's departure back to Berlin with a delaying card, but was subsequently jailed by the Gestapo soon after (game over if all of us are jailed simultaneously) and with the end of the war looming (which ends in failure for the team) I had one last chance to try kill Hitler with a hidden bomb. As my mom and wife had reduced his support again I now had three dice (as the bonus items were now either used or on map areas no longer accessible as the Germans had been pushed back from there) and required three successes... and I got him. We won with 2 turns left to spare!

They have a "win" card too!

This was quite a hard game to find, but it is definitely worth it. It does run a bit long though, and is comparable to Eldrich Horror in game-play time and dice difficulty. As a bonus, you might end up learning some history too! Highly recommend it, I give Black Orchestra 5 plots out of 5.

Insight: Hitler is weakest at the very start and at the very end of the war.

Evil Overlord: How to Fix the World. Evilly!

Warning: Dark rage post ahead!

Everywhere you turn these days there are people protesting things - most recently stuff in Hong Kong, Brexit, and climate changers.

This is mainly dealing with the last group, who at least have a solid goal in mind, unlike Brexit. LOL. Just want to say, what's the point in voting if your vote has no point right? NICE ONE BRITAIN! No one should vote there ever again coz you've proven it just DOESN'T MATTER!

Regular people don't actually have any say. Either the people who voted to leave (and won) are ignored or the masses protesting this decision (who lost because they... didn't vote? Voted incorrectly? Stupidly believed politicians/evil overlord?) are ignored. UTTER GOVERMENT FAIL.

Better yet, each time the EU agrees to delay the "result" also makes the whole lot of them look like spineless limp dicks who don't have the balls to actually cut ties. HAHAHAHAAH! "Oh, please come back Britain, we can't function without youuu!" WHAT WORTHLESS LOSERS!

Back to the climate changers - how do they propose we fix stuff? Save the trees, eat less meat, go green. Hell, make half the planet green (as long as it's your half and not mine right)? Those are all weak sauce solutions.

The main problem isn't emissions or sciency shit they spew. The main problem is people. Or to be politically correct: "OVERPEOPLIZATION". Yes, that's a word (a made up word, but its still a word). You want to have less of all those sciency shit problems? The solution is to have LESS PEOPLE. How? EASY!

KILL THEM!

Start with the old - a mandated death day of I dunno. 80 years. No too generous. 45... no, 40 years. Yes. Perfect!

Then go the Nazi route. Kill those who are unproductive to society. Those who are inefficient.  Any who are different. Any who are the same. In the end you'll just be killing almost everyone anyway so the order doesn't matter.

To get behind the whole recycling thing, there should be no more cremations or funerals either. Everyone should just EAT CORPSES! Trust the Evil Overlord when he says THEY ARE DELICIOUS! Hey, we already do that now, people are just another form of protein.

All because you want to save the PLANET right? Because the PLANET is more important than PEOPLE'S HAPPINESS? "Oh noes," they say "but we want all the peoples to live. Their pets too because of CUTE! Anything cute or sentient surely doesn't count towards carbon pollution! We just want everyone to live UNHAPPILLY!"

Now the EVIL OVERLORD is sad because the world's space programs aren't advanced enough to send these double-standard crazies off to the sun. Or, you know, colonize a new planet.

Obviously there will be no killings as above, just the killings that happen when people begin warring over dwindling farmable territory. Or food. Or passable internet connections. Warhammer 40K was right all along.

"Forget the promise of progress and understanding, for in the grim dark future there is only war."

Oh well, future problems for future people. As San Goku wisely once said "Fuck it, Gohan can deal with it."

Now lets all feel better by watching footage of the "peaceful" Hong Kong protests. Oh so peaceful. Even the gangsters are peaceful! Can you feel the peace? THE PEACE BEING SHARED AMONG ALL THE PEOPLE!?!?!

Ironically, this is the perfect time for them to SAVE THE PLANET! They just have to START THE KILLING! I mean, they're almost there or in the government's case, possibly already there but doing it all hush hush and making people vanish which is silly. Evil Overlord would just kill all who disagree as public entertainment and be done with it. None of this pussy footing around.

What, you think another country will actually step into it? It certainly won't be the limp dick "please come back Britain" EU. What about a USA led Trump? Unlikely if he wants to get re-elected. Even so, its still a win for the climate changers! Remember, LESS PEOPLE MORE PLANET!

>>> experiment end <<<

So, this stemmed from a post (the Seven Questions) to see if I can make people feel something from a post. Let me know if it worked! Did I manage to trigger anyone? It was certainly rage inducing to write so I don't think I want to do that again any time soon. :P

Absurd Game Ideas: Saint of the Mountain

[Part of the Absurd Game Ideas folder]

Many game bloggers, including myself, usually talk about our ideal games or how to improve the games we currently play. Well I thought it would be fun to flip the script and share our most absurd and silly game or game mod ideas! You are invited to blog your own crazy ideas too! :)

For today I give you...

Saint of the Mountain

In this action RPG, you play as a Saint Bernard who must patrol the mountain ranges to keep them safe for mountaineers. Rescue people from hypothermia, avalanches, rock slides, wolves, bears, poachers, dwarves, nazis, aliens and a dragon while commandeering sleds, snowmobiles, and helicopters and gaining XP to unlock more skills! Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? You can fully equip with vests, helmets, M16s, great swords, grenades, jet packs, lazers and even nuclear rockets! Go forth and save everyone as the Saint of the Mountain!

Neverwinter Online: Green Dragon Cultist Recruitment

[Part of the Gallery]

While the Black Dragon Cultists are numerous in Neverwinter Online, the Green Dragon Cultists are quite few in number. I thought it would be due to being more selective...

Turns out they are just dragon worshiping Nazis.

Sniper Elite 4: The Oldest Trick

[Another one for the Gallery]

Gets them everytime, all you need is a bush and bullets!

Sniper Elite 4

Italy is a beautiful place... to kill Nazis.

I haven't played much of the Sniper Elite series, but this one is definitely the best that I have. The graphics and locales are fantastic, and making each mission a huge open map where you can go do your objectives in any order you want and get by (or annihilate) all the soldiers and vehicles is inspired.

Of course, if you play on the easiest mode and only go for the main tasks you'll probably breeze through this in an afternoon. Play how I did on "Authentic" where you need to take into account wind and bullet drop and you'll probably take a (slightly) more stealthy approach.

There are many places that deserve sight seeing.

While predictable, the enemy AI is decent and good at flanking, and almost all locales have more than one flanking position. This is where all those wonderful traps come in. Rig it just right so that people sneaking up on you take themselves out. Explosive kill cams are just as good as the bullet variety.

That's the main meat of the game, and it is delicious. The sides are less so however with some average voice acting and an almost ridiculous plot. Still a very fun experience and one I recommend for stealth shooter fans. I give it 4 testicle shots out of 5.

The Sound of Music

My heart wants to sing every song it hears.

Truly a musical classic of love and change (with a dash of Nazis). I'm not sure how they shot the film to make it so vibrant but the locations, sets, casting and music are all top notch. Julie Andrews really is amazing as Maria, and many of the songs will stay with you for sometime after a viewing.

Everything is so pretty, even the stairs!

There are a few parts that I do find a bit slow and a few songs that go a little long but for the most part it's quite entertaining. I quite enjoyed the reprised songs in the later half of the movie too. I'm guessing all of you have seen this already anyway, but I'm going to give it four whistles out of five. Watch again? Maybe in a year or so.

May 2018 Status

Another month down and this top list just keeps getting longer as I add more ideas and sundry items that I really should get around to... Also I've still mainly been focused on killing my backlog. Priorities right? :P

    End the year with less weight (-1 kg from last month, running total: -1.2 kg)
    Complete NWO: Lost City of Omu (0/2, 1-2 weeks to go)
    +Learn 3 more songs (0/3)
    Draw 12 drawings of anything (0/12)
    +Make a parody comic (planning)
    Make board game 19 prototype (procrastinating)
    Complete web comic chapter 1 (procrastinating)
    Make a simple computer game (procrastinating)
    +Clean out computer games
    +Clean out wardrobe

Backlog Update:

FROM GIFTS
Sims 3
Loki (Abandoned. Mindnumbing.)
Overlord 2
Commandos 2: Men of Courage (Abandoned. Not user friendly at all)
C&C Red Alert (DONE)
C&C Red Alert: Counterstrike (DONE)
C&C Red Alert: The Aftermath (DONE)
C&C Tiberian Sun (DONE)
C&C Tiberian Sun: Firestorm (More of the same)
C&C Red Alert 2 (DONE)
C&C Red Alert 2: Yuri's Revenge (DONE)
C&C Generals (DONE)
C&C Generals: Zero-Hour (DONE)
Supreme Commander (Abandoned. Too slow)
Dawn of War II (DONE)
Universe at War (Done / Had Enough)
Sins of a Solar Empire (DONE)
Diablo: Reaper of Souls (Doesn't Work)
Starcraft II: Wings of Liberty (Infinite Patching)
+Eador: Masters of the Broken World

GOG FREEBIE PILEUP
OxenFree (DONE)
Grim Fandango Remastered (DONE)
Worlds of Ultima: The Savage Empire (No. Prefer to retry Free UO)

COMPY CAN'T RUN (but I want to play)
Batman: Arkham Knight
Dying Light
Alien Isolation
Shadow of Mordor
Hellblade: Senua's Sacrifice
+Satellite Reign

I thought I'd just put in some mini reviews with each of those "abandoned" items, most of which I did try my best to play but ultimately just found it not to my liking. The only exception, and the one I'll start with is The Savage Empire.

Ultima in Africa is a bit strange, but I was willing to try it until I heard that Official UO has become free to play. If I'm going to play any Ultima, it's definitely going to be UO and there's no way The Savage Empire was going to stand up to that.

The ARPG diablo clone Loki is up next, and while the game is functional (though very texty) it just dove head first into the realm of mind numbingly boring. Regardless of what on the rails quest you were on, it boiled down to enter new area, kill the hundreds of things in the area (and that's already sneaking past half the map). Rinse and repeat. Just... no.

Eidos' Commandos 2 should have been perfect for me. A bunch of specialists sneaking around in Nazi Germany should be great right? Yes and no. In theory it's good, but lousy voice acting paired with the most unfriendly user interface I've ever come across sent me packing quickly.

Supreme Commander is another RTS game, this one taking place on maps so vast you often needed to zoom out to almost see the whole planet to manage your huge array of forces. With epic music, decent story (from what I played) and nice combat (if you zoomed back in to see it) you might wonder why I gave up on this one, and the answer is simple: build time.

It's a case of hoping your dots overwhelm the enemy dots.

Even compared to the slowest builds in Command and Conquer, this game moves at a glacial pace. Watching two glaciers crash into each other is grand, but waiting for to build your glacier (army) and then getting them to travel across the map was hours of boredom. Ultimately I decided that I simply have more rewarding things to do with my time. :P

Wolfenstein (2009)

Ghostbusting some Nazis!

Before Blazkowicz got "recaptured(?)" or fought the Nazi mechas or even had blonde hair and blue eyes, he was a secret agent sent to stop the Nazi's paranormal branch on a remote island. The premise is pretty cool, having a central "hub" city that you must traverse past randomly spawning enemies to reach quest givers, quest locations, and black market shops to upgrade your gear.

Gold is lying everywhere but at the same time can be challenging to find, which encourages a thorough scavenging of the well rendered environments. The baddies have decent squad AI too but are regularly no match as Blazcowicz also has magic powers this time around. In fact only two types of enemies will cause you grief, the invisible maniacal assassins and the cover art undead.

I hate these guys.

With that setup though there is definitely a lot of back tracking which hurts the pace of the game. You also have to question the effectiveness of the Nazis who are unable to find such well marked "hiding" places of the various groups in town. Those aside it's still a very well polished shooter, and one I had a lot of fun playing. I give it 4 out of 5.