Zombie Army Trilogy

Because magical Hitler must be stopped!

This spin-off from Sniper Elite has slowly fixed a number of things for our co-op sessions, given I've written about it twice before. This trilogy has all the missions from the last two Nazi zombie games and adds five more, bringing the total to 15. Well 14 since Chapter 1 of Book 2 still had connection problems for three of us (DL, Jim and myself) right at the end so we had to skip it which thankfully is a valid option.

Indeed, you can pick whatever mission you want to try - no unlocking required - but must rely on the mission checkpoints to save your progress through it. The last book sees the sniper heroes return to a much better looking apocalypse graphics wise, and for a change there are other friendlies in a few missions. Also introduced are new enemies, such as the terrifying chainsaw elite and heavily armored zombies and giant zombies.

That's one big Fuhrer!

There's definitely a difficulty increase towards the final mission (to kill Hitler) with some ludicrous amounts of zombies needing to be killed (looking at you book 3 chapter 3 finale) but its all good fun and definitely one a co-op team would enjoy. I give it four relics out of five, but won't play it again. Killing the millions of zombies once was enough, thanks. :P

Insight: In the final chapter(s) most goals switch from kill the zombies to get "x" done, because the zombies won't stop spawning anymore which is especially true fighting Hitler (unless he's having a migraine, then you can relax and prepare first before the next phase). Jumping from the balcony there can be a real life (and time) saver!

Danger 5

Showing how difficult it is to kill Hitler!

From the makers of Italian Spiderman, this two season comedy follows a quintet of allied operatives on their ludicrous missions to stop various Nazi plots and as always, to kill Hitler. Low budget and with incredibly stupid and silly plots, this is definitely not a show for everyone - but for those like me who enjoy such things... it is absolutely amazing.

Yes, that is Hitler carrying a shark.

The quality actually improves in season two, and I have to admit that this show has one of my favorite representations Hitler (thanks Andreas Sobik). Anyway, if you feel game - you can check it out yourself for free on Youtube! And as a bonus here's another short work from the same people: Computer Man.

Jojo Rabbit

Heils everyone!

10 year old Johannes (Roman Griffin Davis) is a Nazi fanatic, to the extent that his make believe friend is Adolph Hitler himself (played by Taika Waititi, who also directed this movie)! What is he to do when he finds out that his mother (Scarlett Johansson) is hiding a jew in his house? While there is a heavy emphasis on comedy, there are also suitably dark and dramatic moments in there to balance them out.

Imaginary Hitler is hilarious!

Cinematography and acting wise, everything is good though the plot does seem to slow down a lot midway prior to picking up the pace again in the third act. Still very enjoyable and one I would recommend and watch again. I give it 3.5 rabbits out of 5.

Black Orchestra

The only way to win is to assassinate Hitler!

This five person co-operative game takes place in Nazi Germany, and as one of the members of the titular Black Orchestra you must keep the Gestapo off your scent while you plan, prepare and ultimately try to kill Hitler - not easy given his military support and his penchant of hopping around the board. It's a game of planning and dice rolling, and while turns seem to go quickly the game does run quite a while. The expanding and contracting map which follows the seven event stages (which in turn follow the war) are a nice touch, and evading his lieutenants and building a conspiracy dice pool is a fun mini-game in itself.

For our first game, the plan was to ambush him in Prague. The team had gathered there and my wife managed to lure Hitler from the Eagles Nest. It was then up to DL, who rolled 6 dice (1 for passing the mandatory requirement, 2 for all of us being there, 1 for having a key item, 2 for using a one shot card) requiring three successes (Hitler's weakest in standard mode) - we had worked hard to reduce his military support for this very event! Alas it failed and he got away while we separated to collect more gear to try again.

Near the end of the war, we regrouped in Prague to try ambush him again - luring him from the Eagles Nest once more and DL this time had 8 dice requiring 4 successes. Still failed! Being reckless I opted to try snipe him instead, having 4 dice and requiring 4 successes. My attempt was so sneaky, no one even knew there was an attempt as I completely missed. They probably thought some local was duck hunting!

DL managed to stall Hitler's departure back to Berlin with a delaying card, but was subsequently jailed by the Gestapo soon after (game over if all of us are jailed simultaneously) and with the end of the war looming (which ends in failure for the team) I had one last chance to try kill Hitler with a hidden bomb. As my mom and wife had reduced his support again I now had three dice (as the bonus items were now either used or on map areas no longer accessible as the Germans had been pushed back from there) and required three successes... and I got him. We won with 2 turns left to spare!

They have a "win" card too!

This was quite a hard game to find, but it is definitely worth it. It does run a bit long though, and is comparable to Eldrich Horror in game-play time and dice difficulty. As a bonus, you might end up learning some history too! Highly recommend it, I give Black Orchestra 5 plots out of 5.

Insight: Hitler is weakest at the very start and at the very end of the war.

Command & Conquer: Red Alert

Without Hitler there is Stalin.

This refined version of the original takes a step back from the Tiberium future and sees Russia fighting the Allies (who I played to victory - as before I only play 1 side). Just the ore trucks (which collect gems and ore for funding) are a good example - as they dump their load into the refinery in under 3 seconds as opposed to the harvesters that used a straw.

Keep walking Hitler, you aren't in this game.

It's also interesting that the Allies get the "light" units this time around while Russia gets the "heavies", an inversion of the GDI/Nod arsenal from the first game. Along with some indoor maps there are also new units, most of which are good or mandatory thanks to having water now on the map - the rest are very situational. The engineer rush tactic is also gone here as are the commandos who are replaced by the uber-hero unit: Tanya. It's worth mentioning that I've killed more dogs in this game than any other.

The quality of the video cut scenes has also improved, and the best part is they fixed my complaint from the first game where you need to hunt everything down. Here at some point, the AI just "surrenders" and sends everything your way. Not as good as an immediate "you win" but good enough.

I cherry picked through the expansions and found that Counterstrike, while having missions come in small 2-3 set bundles for story purposes was still just more of the same just with full tech trees unlocked on both sides (which only happens in the last mission of the regular campaign).

Aftermath was more fun for me (at least for Allies), as there are more zero-construction missions. It also adds more ridiculous units though - like a nuke truck. It's exactly what it sounds like. There's no launcher either, it's a suicide unit. Good times! All up, Red Alert is a big step forward from the original and I give it 3.5 Tesla coils out of 5.

Saviour of the World

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Sent my four colonels - Panicman, Hitler, Sledge, and Gravedigger along with my most lethal soldier - Major Bald Witch and Major Bondi Vet who had proved his worth in keeping people alive in previous missions to assault the alien temple ship. Upon arrival the ethereal boss began narrating the entire alien's plot and motives. Something to do with ascension. I didn't really care. The squad kept in tight formation right down the center passage of the ship, eliminating pretty much every type of alien encountered thus far. Near the end, having used up most of the med kits they came to a large chamber with a pair of sectopods. Even Bondi Vet couldn't save Col. Sledge from the dual searing beams - one cutting through the colonel's face, the other through his crotch.

Hitler's new found rift ability ended that threat quickly, and after a few more mutons the team advanced across a thin passage to the final chamber where they encountered the ethereal boss, who prompty summoned two elite guards and two other ethereals. In addition he put up some sort of force field, preventing Gravedigger and Bald Witch from entering the chamber!? Panicman ran up the flank and he and Bondi Vet opened up fire on the ethereals, but all their shots were reflected! Gravedigger landed a critical shot on the boss thing with his rifle but it survived, while Bald Witch took out one of the mutons (her only target) with one shot. Hitler mind-controlled the remaining elite for a second - just as he did one of the ethereals destroyed the poor creature with an energy blast.

The aliens then went on the offensive, mind-controlling both Hitler and Bondi Vet. The Australian, unable to resist the powerful psionic energy screamed in pain as he was molecularized into purple nothingness by the boss ethereal. Panicman, the last one active in the room, managed to flank and wound another of the ethereals before it disintegrated him too. Gravedigger was on overwatch since he had no more targets until a shape suddenly moved into view - he fired instinctively but the shot only grazed his target - HITLER! The two psionics stared down each other just a moment before Hitler dismembered Gravedigger with his heavy plasma.

In a blink, Hitler had regained control of his mind - and he took cover on the highest platform to regroup. Meanwhile Bald Witch managed to get a shot off on the ethereal boss, but still not enough to down him. It responded by mind-fucking her to death, exploding her head in an orgasm of blood and brains (aliens are sick). It didn't notice Hitler in the gangway above him though, and in a last ditch attack the german tossed two grenades down killing the alien boss which somehow killed the remaining aliens as well! Alas, this also began killing the temple ship itself as it began implode into a black hole. In order to save the rest of the world, Hitler heroically looked at the door and yelled "go" at his dead allies then raised the vessel into space and caused it to self destruct, killing himself in the process.

He saved your life.

Technically that was a team wipe but mission complete! :P

Back to how it all Began

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Alert: Terror attack in Kolkata! With the SHIV still damaged and some other people wounded I sent Alpha, Sledge, Bondi Vet, Techno Viking, Big Mike and Elvis to handle the threat at some public office. Looked like a swarm of chrysallids were in the area - a horror for any other squad but these experienced troops wiped them and their zombie bed buddies out easy. One zombie literally got the drop on Alpha as he fell from the roof and whacked her, but Techno Viking alloyed its face and Bondi Vet fixed her up. This was immediately followed by a sectopod who stood in a bad spot and got triple rocketed to death before it could do anything. The last muton squad was in terror themselves when my team coldly executed them. 9 our of 18 civilians saved, and promotions all around - Sledge has now reached the Colonel rank!

Next up was a mission to disable a bomb at a German train station. Sent Party Girl, Elvis, Alpha, Big Mike, Techno Viking and Bondi Vet to deal with the large thin man unit trying to commit suicide. Again it was so much easier than the first bomb run we had in France. Bondi Vet really proved his usefulness by saving the life of a downed Big Mike and Elvis, and again on the next mission to clear a crashed UFO where Bald Witch and a SHIV replaced the two injured heavies - he resuscitated Party Girl from an early death to elite mutons.

With that came the end of another month, and I got another grade of "A" from the bald man. Also, with all foundry projects complete and an army of SHIVs under construction it was finally time for my "volunteer" Adolf Hitler, equipped in Psi-Armor to enter the Gollop Chamber and establish a link to the alien mother ship... erm... temple ship. Despite all of the psi-testing it seemed I only had two psionics - Hitler and Gravedigger. Dr. Vahlen warned that this would be the final mission (seriously, with a big red lettered warning prompt). It didn't matter - it was time to end this!

Soldiers Lost in the Ninth Month: 2
Campaign Total: 33

Where's the Gallop Chamber?

UFO Assault 101

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Dr. Shen completed this Hyperwave Relay device they wanted to build and upon scanning for UFO's we detected a large cloaked bastard lurking in South Africa. It wasn't the same one that shot McCool down unfortunately, but it didn't matter. I sent our local Firestorm in and it shot that bastard down.

Didn't seem big enough to be their leader's ship (I'd think that even for aliens, size matters) but I still sent "A" Team of Hitler, Gravedigger, Big Mike, Bald Witch, Bondi Vet and "new" Major Sledge. What followed can only be described as pure tactical genious! After eliminating a pair of elites patrolling outside, the team entered the craft itself where it sounded like everything was hiding in the central control chamber.

Breach, Bang and Clear!

Rather than walk around to the door, the squad took up a good firing position at their initial entry point and grenaded open the wall, revealing not only a frail alien commander but also 2 sectopod squads and four elites! Rained grenades and rockets into the room while Bondi Vet provided smoke gas cover to help survive return fire. In one round almost all enemies were dead, the two sectopods hobbling out and two remaining elites taking cover in an adjacent hallway. A second round of grenades cleared the ship of all enemies entirely, and the team returned without even taking a scratch. In addition, both Gravedigger and Hitler are now highest rank of Colonel! :D

As they brought back the wierd device they found a super large ship appeared on the map, even causing an earthquake at the base. Ahha, -that- must be the boss I thought to myself. Shen pointed out we have nothing to even damage that... yet, but I am confident whatever this device is holds the key in taking that thing down. The end is near, I can feel it.

Walk like an Egyptian

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

After our last encounter I decided (finally) to deck out my troops in the best gear I could afford, raising funds by selling corpses and debris (seriously). Another titan suit with a few plasma sniper rifles and heavies. Wish I could sell the 52 scientists and Dr. Vahlen too since they are out of things to research, but there's some law against slavery so I'd have to kill them first for my corpse purchaser. Before I could give the order to do just that, the bald man interrupted with a call asking to get some important data from a building in Egypt. Possibly the Matrix Trilogy. With my high ranks in hospital I sent Buster Downs, Blunder Buss, Techno Viking, McCarthy, and Reloader Jones led by super-chick Captain Alpha. Surely superior equipment will make up for their lack of experience!

Mr. Anderson, welcome back. We missed you.

And it DID! Ofcourse it helped that the twelve idiot thin men liked to cluster together, giving an easier time to eliminate bunches of them with explosives. They managed to land some hits too, but in the end Alpha rallied her panicked team to complete the mission with no casualties. They also rescued Major Sledge, a techxpert working at the facility who now joined the team. Feeling cocky (for a chick) Alpha then went with Hitler, Okada, Derka Derka, McCarthy and Airhead to stop abductions on a major highway in Brazil. A squad of elite mutons combined with a cyberdisk and heavy jetpack team put the hurt on early. Airhead opted to stay out of cover to provide sniper cover against a flanking floater, blowing his brains out. An elite then did the same to her, making her live up to her name. McCarthy got a lucky shot against the cyberdisk, downing it before it could fire but then one of the elites grabbed his head and shoved its heavy plasma down his throat and fired, the shots tearing out of his rear.

The rest of the team fought back and eliminated the remaining elites, advancing cautiously with Alpha taking high ground on a bus. A second squad of heavy floaters attacked, critically wounding Alpha as she fell off her perch and panicking Okada into doing a rambo-like move and blasting the hell out of one of them. Unfortunately this put her in the open and she was cut down soon after. Luckily Hitler and ex-terrorist Derka Derka saved the day, eliminating the remaining foes. Mission complete!

They have MECHS!?

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Alien Alert! A huuuuge UFO landed in a river in Japan - some sort of massive cargoship which we couldn't just ignore so I sent Gravedigger, Hitler, Bald Witch, Bondi Vet, Big Mike, and Okada to investigate what seemed to be a cargo ship. The large bay doors were open and inviting but given my untrustful nature I sent the team around the left flank first, eliminating some heavy floater guards as they moved up the side. They also alerted a pair of elite mutons but those aliens wisely opted to withdraw to the second section of the ship - some sort of stable? Anyway the team boarded on that second part, finding and eliminating the crafty guards.

I then sent them up to the roof of that section to take high ground and all hell broke loose as chrysillids, another muton group, jetpack boys and drones spotted me. The chrysillids came up first and I made it a point to explode them to death early. Next up were the floaters and drones which used up most of their move just to fly up - good shooting put all of them back down. While reloading and waiting for the muton group half the team was hit by some sort of missile barrage - no idea where that came from, but everyone was still up. Decided to clamber back down and use the main hall way to gun down the berserker and his buddies there. All the team was hurting bad at this point but Bondi Vet was doing his job of keeping everyone alive very well.

Intruder detected.

With reloaded weapons the team climbed up the other side of the stable section and rushed to the end where they found a new type of foe - an alien mecha! It survived everything we threw at it on initial contact, then opened its shoulder launchers as it took aim. At least now I know where those rockets came from! A good grenade throw from Hitler saw it explode into a gazillion pieces before it could fire again though, leaving the team free to enter the surprisingly empty control structure. Swept back down the ship and found a pair of sectoid commanders in the loading bay who were fed a shredder rocket and a lot of lead (and a little plasma) completing the mission with no casualties, but with a lot of injured and critically injured personel.

The Titan Project

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Soldiers Lost in the Sixth Month: 1
Campaign Total: 21

A large UFO appeared over Egypt just as the month came to an end and despite the best efforts of my Firestorm and Raven interceptors stationed there the crafty craft got away, leading me to get a grade of "B" at the end of month six. With almost all the world having satellite coverage now and good funding coming in (everyone still backing XCOM) I put in an order to get more Firestorms out there and to outfit them all with plasma cannons. Also, I finally decided to buy some armor for the troops now that there are people worth protecting - getting three suits of heavy titan armor constructed, which would see near to immediate use as a large UFO had landed in Mexico (maybe the one that got away from Egypt).

Sent Gravedigger, Techno Viking, Guy Smiley, Blunder Buss, Buster Downs and our second Psionic - Adolf Hitler to investigate. After eliminating the thin men and heavy jetpack boys guarding outside I got the team to circle around the craft to try something new. Buster Downs lobbed a grenade at the control compartment, revealing a pair of sectoid commanders who were easily gunned down by the surprise attack. From that position they also then exploded the opposite wall from which some wierd noises were coming from, revealing a muton team standing beside an alien powersource. A rocket from Hitler followed by good shooting put them down quick... and then came the cavalry in their blood red armor.

Not quite.

These elite muton bastards had armor to match our titan suits and put up a huge fight, injuring a number of the team and killing Guy Smiley with a ridiculously distant grenade throw. Eventually Techno Viking managed to flank them and really pour on the hurt, with Gravedigger mindflaying one to death. They were the last enemies on this site. Mission complete!

Authority Equals Asskicking

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Soldiers Lost in the Fifth Month: 7
Campaign Total: 20

After a combat filled month it was time for another council meeting where I still netted a grade of "A". Due to my lack of troops I recruited five more (all I could afford since the rest of the funds went into base and firestorm construction). I should point out that I'm just using alien tech from captured aliens, not creating my own yet. Also, all my troops are only using the basic armor, again due to funding cuts! :P  Anyway, the five new squaddies (thanks to the new guy perk at the Officer Training School): Buster Downs, Guy Smiley, Techno Viking, Blunder Buss, and Reloader Jones were led into their first sortie by Panicman to stop abductions from a graveyard in Australia. Aliens and corpses again... I'll not speculate. Despite some morale breaks they handled the "light" level enemy force of mutons and floaters pretty well and with no casualties.

Their reward was being joined by the local graveyard keeper, Captain Whiskey, who got tested right away as he was sent to Vancouver with Alpha, Big Mike, Bald Witch, Hitler and the Italian to handle a terror attack there. Squads of mutons, a new heavy floater type (sounds like a big poo), and a deadly cyberdisk were the enemies and due to them all coming one after another the team was hard pressed to stay alive... let alone save civilians. Unfortunately the Italian took a face full of gatling laser fire sending his flaming and charred corpse into a nearby car (which then exploded). The others took damage too, but they methodically cleaned out the threat and saved 11 out of the 18 civilians in the area. Thankfully there were no chrysallids!

Upon their return they had one more shock, learning that one of their team mates was psychic (thanks to the new Psionics Lab in the base). Gravedigger has more than a big rifle it seems, he also has a big head. Bondi Vet and Panicman, who also underwent the testing were found to be not as gifted. I then sent our first Psi-voodoo guy with his two fellow psi-test compatriots along with Airhead, Whiskey, Derka Derka to stop abductions in a small Nigerian shopping strip. All aliens were neutralized WITHOUT any of my team taking damage! Better yet, Panicman has reached the highest rank of Colonel.

Psychic =/= Psionic.

Out of Options

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Panicman, Neumann "Alpha", Ragnar, Torres, Murphy and Derka Derka arrived in South Africa to extract one Thomas Hutch from a quiet district that happened to be CRAWLING with Thin Men. Their group sizes and number of groups were unusually high. This made it extremely dangerous and sniper Murphy was the first to find out just how much. After getting caught in a choking cloud of poison, her cover was destroyed and the next rounds of enemy plasma fire completely severed an arm and a leg - her lifeless broken body panicking some of the others. Managed to still sweep the whole area before both Ragnar and Torres also succumbed to the Thin Man poison, vomiting up all of their insides on the street. The rest of the team, plus Hutch and his bodyguards got out ok though.

Cars do not make good cover in this game.

Panicman's work was not over though, as he was sent next to stop abductions on a bridge in Sydney, Australia - bringing Airhead, the Italian, Big Mike, Greene, and McIntyre who bought the farm early when a muton exploded the car she was taking cover behind. The rest of the team were all injured during the encounter against the squads of mutons and thin men with Big Mike taking the worst of it - at least they made it back to the infirmary. This was directly followed by a terror attack in Leeds, UK. With all my other soldiers dead or injured it was up to Ikeda, Gravedigger, Greene, the Italian, Alpha, and Hitler to save civilians on an overpass.

The area was heavy with muton activity, and after wiping out the first squad the team ran into a bad combination of two berserkers and a squad of chrysalids. After using up all the explosives they had both berserkers were still up, leaving Greene and Ikede to lure the brutes away from the others in a desperate attempt to finish them off. It didn't work. The pair jumped upon a woman each and began pounding them with their massive fists behind the cab they took cover behind. As Dr. Vahlen knows, some things just can't survive that amount of fisting. The remaining troops managed to finish off the berserkers afterwards, as well as a few more gun toting mutons, another squad of hungry chrysalids, and a number of zombies that had been impregnated with chrysalid eggs. Out of 18 civilians, they saved 6. Mission complete!

I Respect you as a Fighter

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Sent Panicman, the Italian, Big Mike, Bald Witch, Gravedigger, Ikede to stop abductions in Germany where they encountered a new type of alien - the brutish, soldier-caste called Muttons. Erm. I mean Mutons. So all this time I was just fighting their scouts? Great. The big guys are pretty tough but easy enough to hit and to down making them quick work for my organized team, despite their jetpack boy helpers. The worst part was opening a door with a Cyberdisk sitting on the otherside, fortunately every one hit that round - especially the boys with the HEAT ammo.

Having secured the area they gained another solder - Adolf Hitler, who would see action almost immediately in Marseille - accompanied by Panicman, the Italian, Big Mike, Hughes and McIntyre. It was a library block being terrorized by chrysilids. LOTS of them, and between them genestealers and the zombies they make (which then make more monsters) the team could only save 9 of 18 civilians, having to withdraw back out to the street to deal with the swarm at one point. Early in the piece Hughes misjudged the speed of the bastards and was beheaded for her mistake, but she was avenged.

Heck of a way to wrap up an otherwise quiet month in any case, as the next council meeting drew to a close giving me another grade of "A". I must be doing something right!

Soldiers Lost in the Fourth Month: 4
Campaign Total: 13

A UFO then landed in the USA - a big one. Sent Okada, Neumann, McCarthy, Bald Witch, Bondi Vet (wielding our first plasma rifle) and Lucky Jew to check it out. It was full of mutons, including one badass muton that didn't bother with a gun! Unfortunately David, the Lucky Jew wasn't so lucky this time as he was flanked by unexpected muton reinforcements and unceremoniously shot in side of the head. Bondi Vet managed to keep everyone else alive with medkits and with good positioning and a ton of good luck eliminated not only the muton soldiers but their three sectoid commanders as well. Plasma rifle is handy!

It's a muton! Erm I mean a mutton?