Elden Ring: Let there be suffering

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Finally reaching the forge of the giants, Melina self immolates to burn the giant tree that's blocking the way and somehow I am transported to a crumbling island floating in the air via violent tornadoes. This place is home to big ratmen, dragons, horrible worm headfolk, and comparatively "safer to fight" knights. Alas it is also home to the Godskin Duo twin boss (guess I didn't kill that apostle well enough) who are freaking tough, even with the help of my mimic and Volcano Knight Bernahl. Ornstein and Smough is that you?

I decide to re-explore elsewhere first, discovering Melina's sacrifice didn't work / is really slow to burn those thorns so I return to Volcano Manor which is now inhabited by extendy snake folk and find Lady Tanith eating the corpse of Rykard to become the next god-snake. Nope, I club her to death which summons... Crucible Knight again? Unfortunately for him, my parrying has much improved and I win this duel.

Afterwards I clear a small keep of fire cultists and a fat candle man, defeat an assassin, a surprise were-lion and a space ant-lion on the outskirts of the capital as well as give Millicent a prosthetic arm I found laying around, and exploring deep paths in the sewer beneath the capital where I fight rats and giant hands to ultimately come across and free a prisoner called Dung Eater who in turns aids me in defeating blood priest Mogh in a temple even further below. Then just for fun, the downward path continues in a pit littered with bards(?) but this fatal jumping puzzle is way too challenging (and has now killed me more than any enemy) so I opt to skip it for now.

It's one of the creepier parts of the game that's for sure!

Elden Ring: Didn't expect weak foe

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Despite killing Morgott the way to the tree is still blocked by... thorns. Erm. Yes, because there's nothing as solid as a wall of thorns in this world I guess? Melina suggests we travel East to get a great flame to torch these magical thorns and so after sneaking through the other half of the capital we exit there and find a grand elevator up to the snowfield of giants. This is mostly an open area where I can dash past things on my horse so that's really neat! I do beat up an ice dragon and the next Volcano Manor target: a tough whip slinging knight.

Taking a small break to report this success, Lady Tanith finally lets me meet Lord Rykard who is a gigantic lava snake. Ironically, there's a magnificent serpent slaying spear ripe for the taking just before him and so my mimic and I use it to go to town on this hapless lord. His death breaks the morale of the Volcano Manor members and they all go their separate ways.

Easiest boss fight if you pick up the weapon right before him.
Sadly, it's only this powerful in this one fight!

As for me its back to the snowfield ascent where I slay an ambusher (a samurai that aided me against Radahn) before reaching a section full of dead giants! Fortunately these are actually just dead, because there is a single "alive" giant that stands in the way and is a real pain to defeat! In the end I had to swap out my mimic summon for Latenna, an archer summon I had met earlier back at the lakes district to help here. Since she can't walk, she's basically a turret while I take aggro and she proves excellent in dispatching the giant. Just for kicks, I quickly warp back to the Southern castle and find Crucible Knight back in his boss zone after he left Volcano Manor. Using the same strategy with Latenna, this slow heavy hitter has no chance!

Elden Ring: Seek hole, and then edge

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Of course I hop into the coffin which turns out to be a magical lift (wut) that takes me to the roots of the giant tree and is home to giant flying ants and headless ghost knights. I also find free hug Fia here who makes me slay five other warriors including a mage friend of D and a fat armored fencer who helped me against Radahn! After I win she begs for death but since she's technically helping me remove the competition to become and Elden lord I spare her.

As that's a dead end I check in with Iji who drops a hint about where Ranni has gone to - a tower near her own. Inside I find a lift deep down into an ant hive where I find Ranni discarded among some garbage. I pick her up and defeat the traitorous half-wolf Blaidd then continue down past a "drow" city complete with BS sentient boulders then through a lake of rot (no horse this time - yuck!) past an ancient temple of bug men and defeat a horrid giant skull-faced dragonfly.

Beyond that is a lift to a plateau where I get a rematch against magic dragon Adula, killing it this time, and then finding a more appropriate doll for Ranni to inhabit. She is super greatful and recognizes me as her lord. I like the sound of that! Using this inspiration I return to the capital and defeat Volcano Manor targets Wilhelm and Vagran with the help of Volcano Knight Bernahl, and then crush King Morgott with Melina and my mimic!

She's a creepy doll.

Elden Ring: Be wary of invisible sort

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Beyond the barnacle folk is a massive and wondrous magical valley of night basking in the stars. I assume those are actually gems since I'm very far underground, but apart from giant crabs, giant octopi and will-o-wisps there are ghost vikings down here who seem to wink in to existence without warning. Luckily they're slow, but when they pull out their bows are so freaking accurate that they might as well be carrying lazer guns. I manage to use trees as cover while lighting some fires down here, only to find that lets me fight a gigantic undead moose. Not happening!

With a warp back it's time to continue my overland scouting until I am forcefully dismounted near a church by the invader Anastasia (apparently my mount doesn't like multiplayer) who proceeds to kick my butt! Melina saves me by bringing me to the Roundtable Hold, a safe location which she conveniently forgot to tell me about until now. There are a number of others here, but most importantly I manage to level up enough to discard my club and use... a large club! Yep, it's just a bigger stick but it hits harder and reaches farther. Anastasia becomes the first victim of it, proving that it's a worthy upgrade.

They shamble along until they decide to sprint... lol

Riding on into plagued lands with slow zombies and giant vermin I am invaded again, this time by Millicent, in a pool of disease which my mount is immune to but being forced to dismount throws me right into the muck! I manage to fight her on a small island and force her to submit before riding on to a ruined town of sorcery, inhabited by ghost mages. Great, more invisible people! Since the path ahead is blocked this is a dead end for me, but at least I find some clothes! No longer naked I return to the gigantic undead moose and large club it into re-death! Patience (and the large club reach) is all that is required.

Elden Ring: First off, fingers and then time for down

[Part of my Elden Ring journal]

Camping for the night after exploring some of the monkey lands I am approached by Melina, who offers to be my maiden and is from an order of women that like fingering...? Um. Ok. Other travelers keep remarking how maidenless my wretch is so I accept her offer and am finally now able to spend runes (which act both as currency and experience points) to level up! Huzzah! This is the same currency lost upon death.

 * Snicker *

Other than a good time (leveling), Melina also provides me a whistle that can summon a spirit steed to get around faster, but there's just something about crouch-walking (aka "stealthing") everywhere that's more my speed. Anyway, a huge bridge that connects to the South is too well guarded by zombie soldiers with a siege weapon so I continue scouting the shoreline, beating up some wolves that made their den in a graveyard before skipping an equally well defended cliff fortress that follows.b

This leads me into the forest of the giga bears who I REALLY avoid and come across a small well-house while doing so. The magical elevator within takes me down... down... down... holy hell this underground place is HUGE and even houses some ruins. Barnacle people inhabit this lower place and they are super resistant to damage, but also seem to always be moving in slow motion. I exploit this and run circles around them while looting all their treasures! Muahahaha!