Horace

The robot who could.

This pixel platformer does an incredible job of not just telling an interesting story, but constantly teaches and tests the player while doing so. It also has some really good use of classical music!

I also appreciate the one second "death" cut scene on failure, as it works as a hand wave to keep you playing and to try again. Unfortunately, this hand wave still sets you back at the start of each area, which is a real pain in the larger zones especially when you are forced to start back tracking.

The back tracking begins!

The only time back tracking should be implemented is if it's fun. Unfortunately, in this game (like in most other platformers) it is not. It also gets very dizzying very quickly. An interesting one to try out for sure, and certainly one for platform players. I give Horace 2.5 pieces of junk out of 5.

Insight: Once you have the grav-boots, always remember to try jump to the roof above you if you get stuck.

Dark Souls III: Target Acquired

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Past a rope bridge in the Catacombs (which I accidentally break and kill myself on *sigh*), I find a strange and ominous chalice. Because the door past it doesn't open I decide to poke it, which teleports me into a really dark landscape occupied by a massive giant skeleton who breathes poison and summons his regular sized minions to battle too. Alas for him, his bling stands out so much that it is clearly evident what his weak spots are. A few broken bracelets later and he explodes (from shame I guess), which opens the path to the picturesque city of Irithyll.

Gee, I wonder what I should attack?

I opt to go back to that rope bridge though, since breaking it seems to open the path down to a huge and almost empty lake. The giant crabs on one side are easy to avoid, and so is the giant electric purple worm. The giant ballista that keeps shooting at me, not so much! At least I can get it to kill the worm for me. While looking for a way up to it to shut it down I find a small cave with Horace waiting inside - he's gone evil so I am forced to kill him.

Where's Anri, you bastard...

I also find the Old Demon King, who for a change, has a belly weakspot. This actually makes it tough to get at him, and I fail a few of times. Fortunately there's a bonfire nearby and when I ember up I also find assistance in the form of Knightslayer Tsorig (I guess getting rolled over by the skeletons muddled him up) as well as Cuculus of the Great Swamp, a pyromancer student of Corynx. While both are slain in battle, they weaken the Old Demon enough for me to finish it off. I could have probably left the lake at this point, but I really wanted to shut down that ballista.

Dark Souls III: Whack and Roll

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Not willing to run into that spider monster again, on my next foray into the Cathedral I simply jumped down to face the giants who were actually easy victims once you get under them. Not far away I finally find stairs down leading to a whole congregation of evil deacons for a game of whack a mole! These moles were too tough on my first round (I had them down to 25%), but on my second try I had both Sirris and Horace with me which made it a really easy battle. After taking a doll that they worship for some reason I warp back to Firelink and find Anri and Horace there.

Bring it on!

Apparently Anri took advantage of our ruckus and checked out Aldrich's coffin. Alas, it was empty so the search for him will have to continue. I also give Irina another braille dark tome that I found at the Cathedral. I guess there are a lot of evil blind folk? Not that it matters since I don't have the stats to cast any of the spells she sells, light or dark. Since the Cathedral is a dead end I warp back to the Abyss Watchers chamber and proceed deeper into some old looking catacombs.

The standard fare of rats and skeletons are here, including some that get up at extra time but are nowhere near as annoying since there are no necros reviving them. There are also some undead warriors who aren't that difficult to axe down, as well as pressure plate traps that are easily avoided. What catches me off guard are the giant rolling balls of skeletons. These humorous things just go back and forth between two points, and after slaying me once by knocking me off into a bottomless pit, I learned to use them to my advantage - luring foes including the invader Knightslayer Tsorig into the danger zones for cheap kills. I definitely find this place more pleasant than the Cathedral.

Behold my new weapon! Lol!

Dark Souls III: Marathon Man

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

While at Firelink Shrine I purchase a sewer key being sold by the hag. Makes me wonder if she goes around locking all these doors just to make a profit. Anyway, after slaying the mandatory rats (same ones from before since it's the same sewer) I unlock a side grate and find the nun prisoner Irina, who offers to train miracles in exchange for freedom. Sure! This makes her guard, the gargoyle helm guy named Eygon, a bit annoyed but he suggests he will be an ally as long as I keep Irina safe. Safe like... keeping her locked up somewhere you psycho?

Anyway, the path forward was then to go to the tunnel under the sniper cathedral - guarded by a scary frost knight. Since he was too dangerous I lured him into an adjoining room and just ran past into the nearby forest, which turns out to be the home to a huge flock of wereharpy hollows. Not so bad if you kill them before they grow their wings but when they are "flight-enabled" they are quite annoying. I also put down a madwoman with a giant knife in the area.

Anri and Horace. You never see their faces.

In the bonfire clearing just past that I meet the knights Horace and Anri who apparently are on the same quest I am - to return the Lords of Cinder to their thrones. Good to know I'm not the only one! They offer me to join the Blue Sentinels but I decline, preferring to be protected rather than be the one doing the protecting. They are gone after I rest at the bonfire, so I continue alone into the next area - a swamp. At least it's not poisonous, it's just inhabited by crabs. The small ones are ok, but the giant ones I soon learn to avoid.

I also encounter a lone, sword wielding, Anor Londo Knight in one of the ruins - and knowing my parrying skill (as a player) is long gone I opt to flee to another set of ruins which is home to more hollows, and on the path beyond I find a Crystal Sage. This magic based boss relies on teleportation for movement which leaves him open for a lot of attacks, but once I got him to 50% he began using mirror images too and that proved to be my undoing. Sigh.

That's a pretty big hat. I wonder if this was Grigg's master?