That Didn't go Well

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Finally we have constructed our first Firestorm, a hybrid of human/alien tech to make one badass plane. Got to try it out too as it shot down an unknown sized UFO (looked pretty big) without taking much damage. The Sky Ranger transport was not far behind with the Bondi Vet, Cosmos, Derka Derka, Lucky Jew, rookie Sofia and Captain Mustachio tasked with sweeping up the mess, and what a mess it would turn out to be! As the team neared the crash site the first thing they ran into is a mini-ufo!?

Oh... shiii@#!

Since it looked tough I ordered them to expend all their explosives on taking it down (which just barely did the trick) but just as soon as that exploded a large group of little sectoids appeared in the woods with two drones, and though the team survived the firefight they were all injured from the encounter as they proceeded into the UFO proper. It was there they encountered THREE sectoid commanders, and due to the teams lack of firepower at that point they failed to down a single one in their opening barrage, only injuring them.

The sectoids responded by mind controlling Sofia the rookie which panicked Cosmos into shotgunning her to death. Soon after Cosmos himself was mind-raped by one, causing him to put the barrel of his weapon into his mouth and blow his own brains out. A panicked Derka was shooting wildly, injuring Captain Mustachio who then found a face full of plasma bullets, melting it off and killing him in slow agony. Not sure how Bondi Vet and the Lucky Jew pulled it off then, but between the two of them (and ricocheting bullets from Derka) they downed the remaining enemies and got the hell out of there. Mission complete!

All Your Base!

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Sent my crack team of Greene, Bald Witch, Mister Mustachio, the Italian, Gravedigger and Big Mike rappeling down into the alien base. Fitting this is the first mission I can send a full squad of SIX in now. The large complex had pretty much every type of scum we encountered thus far plus some robotic drones. Once into the main hall the team expended most of their grenades on an unexpected trio of chrysalid genestealers, then proceeded to the control hub while bypassing another three who didn't seem to take notice of them.

The last room was huge, with a raised platform in the middle. Had half the team take the high ground while the other swept around the flank and we soon discovered the alien boss here was a little sectoid commander (with a lot of health). That's when all hell broke loose as the three chrysalids we bypassed came charging into the rear and abither squad of jetpack boys appeared off on the side. Fortunately most of my heavies still had their rockets which, in combination with accurate (lucky) shooting saw the alien commander being alone again.

Not this time, Cats!

With suppression fire and throwing everything we had left against him, Bald Witch finished him off with an arc thrower - capturing his naked ass. She's actually pretty good at that. All of them made it back alive. Upon their return Bradford organized a victory party and indeed, the rest of the world suddenly became less panicked altogether. Dr. Vahlen was about to celebrate in her own way, readying her gloves and equipment for our new guest.

A Little Bit of Conversation

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Dr. Vahlen killed the captive during her "interrogation", and now she wants another one, specifically an alien pilot. With a stroke of luck a UFO had landed in Japan so I sent valkyries Ikede and Murphy with Bald Witch and newbies Ragnar the Red (another Viking) and ex-terrorist Derka Derka. Despite encountering heavy resistance from sectoids, floaters and thin men they managed to capture said pilot while only suffering minor injuries (well, in Derka's case severe - but he lived).

While Vahlen and Shen "talked" to the outsider I killed time by sending Mister Mustachio, Panicman, the Italian, Cosmos and Airhead to a trainyard in Brazil where a floater army was abducting commuters. Easily put an end to that safely and quickly through good overwatch fire and by the time they got back the captive was dead and Shen wanted to construct a "key" out of its remains.

Oookay.

With most of Europe on the verge of total panic and the rest of the world not far behind I let them go ahead and do whatever with our remaining funds. It's actually very surprising how often this project that is "protecting the world" is bankrupt. Still, it turned out to be a good call because whatever they did - they managed to locate a large alien base in Asia! Damned sneaky aliens. This time we're going to take the fight to them!

My Churro, Your Taco

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Soldiers Lost in the Second Month: 2
Campaign Total: 9

After selling a surplus of scopes to Russia to help them with some missile launch, it was time for another council meeting and the end of month two. Thanks to last minute satellite launches everyone was still onboard with the XCOM project giving me a grade of "A" again, but those little panic bars just seem to keep creeping up. A large UFO made an appearance not long after but my little fighter plane had no chance to shoot that one down so I ordered it back while it could still fly. Back in the base I -FINALLY- have my officer training school and can now send FIVE operatives on the field.

Just what I need, because Dr. Vahlen's wailings were getting too annoying and it was time to capture one of the bastards. Next contact was at a gas station in Mexico where floaters and thin men were enjoying burritos I suppose. I sent veterans Panicman, Mister "Nuke" Mustachio, Big Mike, Gravedigger and David "the lucky Jew" because he got to carry the tazer. :P

Taking cover next to cars and pumps at a gas station sounded like a catastrophic plan but it surprisingly worked very well. With suppressing fire from Panicman, accurate sniping from Gravedigger and well placed grenades and rockets from heavies Big Mike and Mustachio the aliens lost their cover pretty quick, followed by their lives. The Lucky Jew even managed to taze one before almost getting killed himself, yet on one HP he killed two more bastards with his pistol and flanked a thin man for a point blank shotgun blast.

Mission complete! Excellent performance all around if I do say so myself, and finally Dr. Vahlen is happy. I saw her singing and skipping past my office door with a large bottle of lube in hand. That poor, poor alien we captured though...

Dr. Dolly Vahlen is ready to begin the "interrogation".

Alien Necromancy

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Nigeria called, and no - it wasn't to try phish me a million dollars. It was because the aliens were digging up the dead bodies in a cemetery there, I can only assume because they were having major issues killing living humans. Sent a sniper heavy Valkyrie team composed of Ikede, Airhead, Bald Witch and sole assault Punk Chick. They sorted that mess out quick smart since the open ground made for the perfect playground for the snipers while Punk Chick took control of the central tomb. Their reward was a black sniper dude I call Gravedigger with a massive ... rifle. I'm certain they enjoyed their trip back.

Just as well because the alarm went off again, and the global news showed the aliens were altering their tactics. Punk Chick geared up again this time with Panicman, Mustachio and David to stop a terror strike on Canada. Almost immediately they came upon a pair of incredibly fast moving bug critters called GENESTEALERS... I mean, Chrysallids - literally running up to Punk Chick's face. A point blank blast from her shotgun only grazed the creature (1 dmg!) but lucky for her the rest of the team had enough firepower to bring it down.

The second one abruptly altered course to feast on a nearby civilian before being blasted to hell. This is where Punk Chick's luck ran out as suddenly the dead man rose as a zombie right next to her and in a sudden move tore out her insides and began eating them. David and Panicman put the reanimated bastard back on the floor, then the team swept up the remaining murderous jetpack boys to finish the mission.

Mission complete. Of the 18 civilians in the area initially, they saved 10. That's a pretty good result!

Probably wouldn't even have been an issue if there were more strippers in the area.

Raiders of the Downed UFOs

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Finalising a trade to Australia (who wanted to buy alien alloys) the UFO alert went off again, this time in Japan. A bigger ship than last time! Fortunately I had constructed an interceptor there and our ace pilot Vince McCool was visiting the region at the time. Looked like a nasty dogfight but Vince shot down that bastard in the end despite taking a ton of damage himself. Deployed Mister Mustachio and Panicman along with newbies Cosmos and David.

Seemed this ship contained Jetpack boys AND Thin men along with the little dudes. The first group was a non issue, eliminated by overwatch fire mainly while the thin men got to enjoy high explosives of the rocket and grenade variety. It's annoying then that as the team advanced on the ship Cosmos was downed by overwatch fire from the normal little dudes, because he didn't DODGE!

Even the aliens facepalmed.

After teaching those SOBs a lesson my remaining three men busted into that UFO, surrounded the alien pilot and summarily executed him (Dr. Vahlen: WHYYYYYY!?). At least it seems I'm improving with these UFO raids. The following one that landed (not shot down) was tactically cleaned out by David, Big Mike, the Italian and Mustachio with no casualties through liberal use of explosives and lure and kill tactics. As a celebratory gesture I let them explode the ship. (Dr Vahlen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MY RESEARCH!)

Missions Complete, and somehow Cosmos actually survived (guess I finished before he bled out)! Despite all these victories though it seems like most of the world is on the verge of panic. Oh well, I'm sure that's not important. Right?

Valkyrie Squad

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Soldiers Lost in the First Month: 7

After an easy mission in Brisbane where Panicman, Mister Mustachio, the Italian (newbie) and Punk Chick (newbie) literally exploded all opposition it was the end of the first month and the bald man was impressed with my work, giving me a grade of "A". What is this? School? Anyway with the new month also came my new batch of rookies that Bradford kept nagging me to get, what with my casualty rate and all. Another abduction mission in Russia let me test the mettle of half of them I call the Valkyrie squad (all female).

Just like in Charmed! Wait, what? Aren't they witches?

Composed of Murphy, Wood, Greene and Ikede the team deployed at some courtyard with higher elevation to the street. Always a good start. Moved up into cover to discover a new type of alien - JETPACK BOYS. Ok, or floaters. I prefer Jetpack boys. Gunned down one just as a pair of little fellas came up from the road. Too bad for them the jetpack boys decided to flee, leaving the two little fellas at the mercy of a squad of psycho gun toting sheilas.

After painting the place green with their blood the team began leap-frog crossing the nearby footbridge, finding and eliminating the remaining jetpack boys. Once there another two little ones and another squad of floaters showed up to the East. With not much cover on the bridge the team split in two, Murphy and Ikede sprinting forward into cover and Greene and Wood backtracking to a flanking position. The aliens caught wind of this though and despite mostly missing everyone else, Wood was shot dead through the eye (through a car) panicking Greene into a state of uselessness.

Fortunately the other two held it together and marched up out of cover to the enemy flank while lobbing grenades. It was enough to obliterate all the remaining alien scum. Mission complete! Meanwhile back in the base, Dr. Vahlen was frustrated I keep shooting or exploding the aliens that she wants to interrogate. LOL.

Scrambled Eggs... from Space

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

After being nagged by Bradford to launch another satellite somewhere (I picked Japan) I got to meet the other research staff in the base, Mr. Shen the elderly drug addled head of engineering and Dr. Vahlen who seemed intent about capturing an alien alive so that she could do what they did to her previously. She's a little crazy. Especially given that she's already putting on a plastic/latex glove whose sleeve goes up to her shoulder.

Thankfully a UFO alert ends the awkwardness and I scramble one of our jets (we only have two!) to intercept. Obviously it's piloted by Vince McCool since the little craft has no chance against his superior moves. As soon as it crashes I send a team out to contain the site right away but with Mister Mustachio still injured it is up to Panicman to lead the team, this time composed of the Jew, Bald Witch and Crazy Bastard who gets unceremoniously shot in the head almost immediately after landing.

With a combination of good grenade throws and lots of woody terrain to flank the little bastards they are all made to eat bullets in short order, especially since the engineering team hadn't finished researching the tazer tech to capture one yet (Mr. Shen was too high at the time). The UFO pilot was a little scary being half energy and all, managing to behead the Jew as he emerged from the crashed ship but even he couldn't withstand bullets in the face and a grenade in his ethereal genitals.

Tasty.

Mission complete! I'm getting good at this!

Recover Miss Sing Person

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

The hiss of the dropship doors ended with a thud as the four man team led by Mister Mustachio deployed out towards the park. Their objective: to rescue some woman named Anna Sing who had escaped alien captivity. Wasn't long before they ran into their first opponent, a "thin man" who opened fire from the otherside poisoning Emmet with his first shot. Mustachio replied by rocketing that guy in the face and led the squad forward on the left flank, the Russian and Emmet following down the middle and the Niggeress on the right startling three little aliens near a cop car. One managed to wound her with its pistol, and she responded by shotgunning two of them in the face.

The last one was gunned down by the Russian as he then reached the panicked VIP and began leading her back. A second thin man then appeared on top of a bus and instantly came under overwatch fire from the waiting Mustachio and finished off by Emmet from the park square. All was going well as the team made their way back when suddenly a third thin man, the boss no doubt, was there waiting for them.

Similar but different.

His first shot went right through Mustachio's jugular, dropping him to the ground. The rest of the highly trained team then all shat their pants and panicked, with Emmet hiding behind a fountain, the Russian (whom I shall now call Panicman) shooting AT THE VIP but missing (fortunately), and the Niggeress dropping her shotgun and bending over while weeping like a child. The thin boss took advantage of this and shoved his gun into her ass then pulled the trigger, killing the stupid bitch instantly.

The VIP decided to make a break for it, sprinting into the open but not quite reaching the drop ship. Panicman managed to fumble a grenade out at the thin boss but it survived the blast and took aim at the civilian. It fired but at the last moment Emmet did a true slow mo heroic move by eating all the bullets himself, his body exploding into a shower of blood. Panicman then panicked some more and with a loud scream unloaded all of his remaining ammo into the thin boss... miracoulously killing it.

Mission complete! Anna Sing, Panicman and the not yet dead Mister Mustachio returned to base.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Having fallen asleep watching an alien themed movie, I suddenly awoke in some strange underground room and in front of me was a huge screen with a bald dude on it. Since his face was covered in shadow due to back-lighting and he didn't give his name I'll call him, "the Bald man". He represented the United Nations or something like that, and somehow they decided that I should lead their special task force in neutralizing an alien threat on the globe.

How the UN deals with aliens?

Before I could utter a "WTF" a panicked guy named Bradford busted in asking for my help with a mission already in progress on the otherside of the world, China. Just to verify where the heck I was he told me that I was in the XCOM North America base. How I got here from where I was remains a mystery (mainly because the game didn't let me pick a base closer to home).

Once I made it through the lengthy tunnels to the Situation Room I could see our four man squad on the field: a Russian whose name I can't pronounce, a nigerian girl I'll call Niggeress, Emmet the pale, and the squad leader and sole survivor of Delta squad who Bradford commanded poorly prior to my appointment here - Mister Mustachio. Bradford was concerned he'd get almost the whole team killed again so I took charge, progressing with a standard sweep and clear culminating in Mister Mustachio rocketing the bejeezus out of some poor little alien men.

They returned as heroes and came back with a lot of Yen to fund some of our research projects... like first aid kits. Seriously? We don't have first aid kits in this base!? I've got my work cut out for me.