Dark Souls II: Cool Turtle

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Since the Belfry is another dead end, I revisit the Gutter next - since I have a key to a locked door there now. In a room littered with poison shooting statues I find my old armor! Erm, I mean Havel's old armor! It still weighs a ton, but with the super defense it provides I warp back to Earthen Peak more confident than ever. The climb is definitely more survivable now, and after easily defeating a giant demonic turd I am joined by Devotee Scarlett who is a bit of a punk/cleric.

You thought I was exaggerating huh?

She guides me to a nearby windmill and keeps pointing and gesturing at it until I torch the thing which makes her happy. Young people eh? There's nothing that really stops us from continuing our ascent. Even the fire sorceresses are easily slammed now, and when the pyromaniac Jester Thomas joins there is no stopping our little band. Even the medusa boss of the place had no chance. I just sat and watched as Thomas and Scarlett tore her apart.

Easiest "boss" fight so far.

They depart after that victory leaving the path open for me to a keep made of iron, sitting in a moat of lava. Because that's obviously the best place to build these things. On the approach I am invaded by Fencer Sharon who has no chance getting through my defense. After sending her packing, Armorer Dennis attacks next - and he has some cool magic sword powers. Not cool enough to win though (thank you Estus flask!). I make sure to toss his corpse into the lava so he won't show up again.

Alien Necromancy

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Nigeria called, and no - it wasn't to try phish me a million dollars. It was because the aliens were digging up the dead bodies in a cemetery there, I can only assume because they were having major issues killing living humans. Sent a sniper heavy Valkyrie team composed of Ikede, Airhead, Bald Witch and sole assault Punk Chick. They sorted that mess out quick smart since the open ground made for the perfect playground for the snipers while Punk Chick took control of the central tomb. Their reward was a black sniper dude I call Gravedigger with a massive ... rifle. I'm certain they enjoyed their trip back.

Just as well because the alarm went off again, and the global news showed the aliens were altering their tactics. Punk Chick geared up again this time with Panicman, Mustachio and David to stop a terror strike on Canada. Almost immediately they came upon a pair of incredibly fast moving bug critters called GENESTEALERS... I mean, Chrysallids - literally running up to Punk Chick's face. A point blank blast from her shotgun only grazed the creature (1 dmg!) but lucky for her the rest of the team had enough firepower to bring it down.

The second one abruptly altered course to feast on a nearby civilian before being blasted to hell. This is where Punk Chick's luck ran out as suddenly the dead man rose as a zombie right next to her and in a sudden move tore out her insides and began eating them. David and Panicman put the reanimated bastard back on the floor, then the team swept up the remaining murderous jetpack boys to finish the mission.

Mission complete. Of the 18 civilians in the area initially, they saved 10. That's a pretty good result!

Probably wouldn't even have been an issue if there were more strippers in the area.

Valkyrie Squad

Part of my XCOM: Defenders of the Earth series!

Soldiers Lost in the First Month: 7

After an easy mission in Brisbane where Panicman, Mister Mustachio, the Italian (newbie) and Punk Chick (newbie) literally exploded all opposition it was the end of the first month and the bald man was impressed with my work, giving me a grade of "A". What is this? School? Anyway with the new month also came my new batch of rookies that Bradford kept nagging me to get, what with my casualty rate and all. Another abduction mission in Russia let me test the mettle of half of them I call the Valkyrie squad (all female).

Just like in Charmed! Wait, what? Aren't they witches?

Composed of Murphy, Wood, Greene and Ikede the team deployed at some courtyard with higher elevation to the street. Always a good start. Moved up into cover to discover a new type of alien - JETPACK BOYS. Ok, or floaters. I prefer Jetpack boys. Gunned down one just as a pair of little fellas came up from the road. Too bad for them the jetpack boys decided to flee, leaving the two little fellas at the mercy of a squad of psycho gun toting sheilas.

After painting the place green with their blood the team began leap-frog crossing the nearby footbridge, finding and eliminating the remaining jetpack boys. Once there another two little ones and another squad of floaters showed up to the East. With not much cover on the bridge the team split in two, Murphy and Ikede sprinting forward into cover and Greene and Wood backtracking to a flanking position. The aliens caught wind of this though and despite mostly missing everyone else, Wood was shot dead through the eye (through a car) panicking Greene into a state of uselessness.

Fortunately the other two held it together and marched up out of cover to the enemy flank while lobbing grenades. It was enough to obliterate all the remaining alien scum. Mission complete! Meanwhile back in the base, Dr. Vahlen was frustrated I keep shooting or exploding the aliens that she wants to interrogate. LOL.