Darkest Dungeon: Slowly, Softly

Reports from Darkest Dungeon - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Fawadin is dead, having taken an octocestus to the face. There was some dispute if the loud, ex-blacksmith Lenigrast would be taking the reigns but as of now I am in charge and have appointed my battle sisters Catharina and Elizabeth (who disguises herself well, for a mushroom) as my proxies to handle any unrest.

My old ally Vengarl also is no longer among us. He and the hellion Nerelia were taken by mutated fungus men in the Weald. This was right after he, Don Pez, Bill and Hunter O'Harrah destroyed the shapeshifting incholate flesh in the warrens. Also lost are Ingward and Thanaros, having been devoured by a monstrous shambler that Blunder Buss inadvertently summoned while putting a torch too close to a strange red orb in the ruins.

"Surprised!" is an understatement!

We had other victories too, as Catharina, Lenigrast and Mogg destroyed a brigand 8 pounder cannon in the forest as well as another undead sunken crew at the cove. The bounty hunter Redbeard as well as Alvinia and Shalquoir (who I am told are magical cats) assisted in these endeavors. Slowly but surely we are cleansing this land of all evils lurking within.

-Abbess Feeva

Darkest Dungeon: Chain of Command

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More welcome aid keeps arriving in town, the last batch being strangers from another time. I can only hope this rumor of people questioning my leadership doesn't distract people from our goal here. If anything I'd make Abbess Feeva my second, having seen her in action personally.

Her arrival was fortuitous as one of our other healers, Myria, was recently decapitated by a head collector - a death so gruesome that it supposedly gave Sellsword Luet a fatal heart attack upon witnessing it. With her healing, Gough, Redbeard and I managed to finally take down the (non-apprentice) necromancer in the ruins.

She then accompanied Bill, Vengarl and Hunter O'Harrah to slay the sodden crew - a group of drowned pirates in the Cove. She also was crucial in helping MoGG, Mina Petrova and Sunbro Forever in slaying the Alluring Siren in that same, sahaughin infested vista. Alas Hawkeye Gough fell victim to these fish folk while scouting the way to the siren. His archery skills will be missed.

A team that is chained and drowned together, stays together.

-Fawadin

Darkest Dungeon: A Call for Election

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Yo, like Lenigrast was the man this week. He didn't take no shiiz from Fawadin and went out there and kicked some serious ass! It was him, me, Sunbro Forever and Sellsword Luet that went to the pig crib and put a cap in that swine prince POS and that midget piglet Wilbur. People say that dude's always been some king's assistant, but now he's back in bacon form. I know right!?

Anywayz after that Leni goes with Myria, Ser Sad, and the big guy - Gough into the Weald right and put down that ugly mama the wizened hag. Yeah, too bad that witch cooked up Ser Sad in her soup pot before they could ice her but its still one less ugly out there for us to worry about.

That's a crappy way to go.

Leni - my man, you should be the leader - not this Fawadin fool!

-MoGG

Darkest Dungeon: Scribe Duty

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I hate this place, and I hate Fawadin for making me write this stupid report. The bastard didn't even let me recover my daughter's body for burial! When this is over he and I are going to have to sort things out. Not that we're close to that happening any time soon.

Our glorious leader has began expanding operations to the Warrens, Weald and Cove stretching out our numbers and hoping that the more veteran members would keep the recruits safe. Yeah, right. Caes was run through by the lance of a Hulking Swineotour and Plushie Mostly was devoured in her sleep by a corpse eater worm. Boro was also shanked by a bandit, Rosibeth triggered her last trap, and Eurion was squashed by a piece of falling ruin.

Given the state of the ruin, it's surprising this is such a rare occurrence.

The only good news is that the so-called prophet hiding in the ruins has been dealt with by Ser Sad, MoGG, Catharina and Hawkeye Gough. I am going to insist that I go out with the next group. I can't stay cooped up here forever... no one can. I guess that's why the caretaker is as mad he is.

-Lenigrast

Darkest Dungeon: Lowly Apprentices

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While we lost Tark and LeDore to the stressful darkness, I managed to lead a team composed of the bounty hunter Redbeard, Caes the plague doctor and the healer Plushie Mostly to victory - slaying the necromancer in the ruins, even destroying a horrid skull collector that was defending him. Alas this servant of darkness was only an apprentice, which meant his master would be further within.

It reanimates the severed heads of its many victims.

His death seemed to make the cultists more aggressive though, as they were responsible for the deaths of Cheshire Charr, Marcoh78, and Turms. We also lost Chloanne to a brigand cutthroat. Her father Lenigrast, is filled with unconsolable rage. To that end I am forcing him to be on scribe duty until he cools down. No point risking anyone else's life for his mistakes.

As a personal note, I am definitely leagues better than the rest of these so called adventurers and will no longer deign to attempt the easier dungeon runs. Instead I'll let the newbies prove their worth there and see which of them is skilled enough to join the elite (me).

-Fawadin

Darkest Dungeon: Casualties at Arrival

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This place is cursed, and that's saying something given where we are. The gun slinger Isey and I were the first to arrive at this forsaken hamlet which seems to be run by a crazed caretaker named Penultimo. It's amazing the place still stands given the disrepair and the amount of horrors lurking in all the nearby areas.

At least the boss wasn't joking when he said that more help would arrive as soon allies and other adventurers just seeking gold or glory began to arrive just days behind us. I took the initiative to announce myself the leader of this little group and ordered everyone to focus their efforts on hunting the necromancer at the nearby ruins.

It is clear who is the leader!

The Khajiit pirate Skullcat, the ex-princess Dusk, Sultan of Swing and Gamesting were all victims of the bandits he had hired as security. Even Isey was fatally shot by one of their crossbows. Deeper in lay other problems in the form of cultists who slew Melentia and the Nerevarine Brutus. We even had one loss, Chara, to spider venom. 

This would not dissuade our attempts though, as with each successful expedition I knew we drew closer to his lair.

-Fawadin

Skyrim: Cheetahs and Cheese

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Tombs have door puzzles...

Searching the tombs gave me access to the key I needed, and in a nearby sandstorm valley I collected the amulet of cheetah friendship (which ironically I got by killing a whole bunch of cheetahs), there were still a couple of tombs left to explore so I went and recruited my trusty space marine friend Fawadin to come with me. With a heads up about the crusher traps, he was much more careful not to get squished like Rayya. These tombs had mummies and spiders! Not the giant ones, just lots and lots of little ones!

Off with his head!

Swarms of jumping arachnids were pretty scary!

I took care of the first boss: Imhotep.

Fawadin 1HKO'ed the one in the next place.

With everything explored it was time to head to the main mausoleum, behind a locked gate and another valley of big cats. Thanks to the amulet they weren't hostile though. Fawadin stayed outside to play with them while I entered the massive underground cavern that held... a pyramid!? Here at last was the final resting place of the Champion of Cyrodiil. The pristine interiors featured an awesome gallery of characters from Oblivion.

You can tell a lot of work went into this.

If he was still around I'm guessing the Thalmor would have lost.

The final test was one of archery. I just had to shoot the strange arrow (of extrication) I was given at the start of this into a small target across the large hall. It actually took two attempts before I hit it, and when I did fireworks exploded and cheese began raining down into the chamber. Cheese? A large door also opened to one side leading to the most spectacular view...

Skyrim: Hammar Time

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Brhuce does not apologize for the small text.

We find Medeliu's son, Brhuce, in the lowest bowels of a derelict pumphouse in Blackreach. He's pretty funny, but also a bit of a dick. He quickly offends Fawadin who storms off in a huff. I tell him that his father is looking for him but he doesn't care. Instead he wants to go after the Tankard of Why, some insanely alcoholic beverage which also grants the ability to know everything(?). I tell him I don't drink, but Sofia quickly pipes up that she does so... I guess we're roped in to helping!

That's specific.

It actually takes me some time to find the ruin the tankard is hiding in, because Brhuce doesn't believe in quest markers. I eventually find it near Falkreath, but someone else is there waiting for us - a mage knight named Zavakin who clearly wants us dead. The guy is a monstrous tank, but not too strong in the damage dealing department. To that end I stand back and let my allies deal with him.

Apparently Brhuce's main form of attack is throwing miniature trains that inflict severe knockback. This, combined with Sofia's high damage output is too much for him and Sofia finishes him off while he begs for his life.

Burrrrrned!

Finally we reach Hfernerfberf and I'm a little surprised that Brhuce doesn't enter the place with us. While it is guarded by lowly draugr there is some trippy stuff going on here, like tables overflowing with ale (which Sofia stops to partake at), giant skooma bottles, corridors full of moon sugar and traps which spawn immortal giant ghost spiders whom you have to simply run from. In a circle.

LOL!

Skyrim: Yngvarr's Folly

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Running low on henchmen there Mr. Bad guy.

We find Yngvarr and the last of his troops at the temple which holds the Heart of the Gods. Too bad for him, his wizards hadn't yet disabled the magic shield protecting it and so he began trying to stall by giving the longest speeches ever. For some, unfathomable reason he challenges me to a duel right then and there. I laugh at his face and accept, slaying him with the very first strike which he couldn't even react to. I'm guessing that's not what was supposed to happen? Haha.

Shocked by this Yngvarr's remaining men surrendered to Jarl Agnar who then got them to seal the temple. With our work here complete, I teleported my team back to Skyrim (that Asylum spell is fantastic) and spent a night of quiet celebratory dinner at my Riften home. Lucia and Sofie were happy to see us too and enjoyed the the gifts I brought back for them. Sofie apparently tamed a rabbit as well and I let her keep it as a pet.

I don't remember what the food was, but judging from the empty plates it was good.

It was nice to have a short time of not doing anything important, playing tag with the kids and listening to Sofia's stories. A message from Medeliu Hammar ended that though as he had a job for us: to find his son in Blackreach.

Skyrim: Blood Lust

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Jarl "bloody" Agnar's idea of a rescue mission.

Upon reporting of Kolgrim's death, Agnar orders we seize the advantage and basically kill everyone. This is a little hectic as there are a LOT more soldiers once we get out of the building but with much use of slow time and my speed bonus, I keep everyone alive up to the main gates. That's when we run into problems - Yngvarr rides up with a group of his elite warriors and demands Agnar to hand over the keys in exchange for everyone's lives. Being a moron, Agnar agrees.

Guess he's still upset about the last time we met.

Yngvarr rides off at the start of the melee and his elite warriors turn out to be pretty decent, especially since I hadn't yet recovered from the initial "escape". While my people survive the battle, the only other survivors are Agnar and his son. In a rage Agnar rallies his small army when we get back to Amber Creek, so that we may wage war directly on Yngvarr's fortress. Why he didn't do that at the start is a mystery, but just from the above it's clear he's not the smartest person around.

I'm tasked with clearing the gates for the main force.

In what feels more like a small skirmish, Agnar's forces quickly penetrate Yngvarr's defenses but once again the coward flees while his elites cover his escape. To be fair, if he gets the Heart of the Gods he becomes immortal so, it's a pretty good excuse. Agnar orders my team to go after him.

Probably because I've got the first ever space marine with me.

Skyrim: Recovery Specialists

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

At the meeting Jarl Agnar decreed the fellowship would split in half to go for the two remaining keys. It was up to me to decide which group to accompany, so I joined Jarl Agnar and his monk ally to an old monastery which was now the main base for the remaining necromancers on the island, and boy did they have a lot of draugr death lords in there with them. Still, I sat back and let Agnar, the monk, Sofia and Fawadin do all the work until the last room.

Fawadin likes the Lull-Mor tech!

Six arch necromancers in one room was just far too dangerous so using Slow Time I rushed ahead and ended the fight before any of my allies fell. Just passed them was the key we were looking for, and upon returning to Amber Creek we discovered the other team was equally successful. The only problem was that the town itself had been attacked by Yngvarr's men and had taken Agnar's family hostage. A captured combatant spills the beans on where they were taken just before Agnar executes him anyway.

Our next job was simple: infiltrate the enemy fort and rescue Agnar's wife and kid. And all of us were going!

Yay for big parties! :P

Fortunately Agnar knew of a secret path in which made infiltration and finding the hostages pretty easy. While the rest of the team worked on the locked doors, Sofia, Fawadin and I took a look around and found Lieutenant Kolgrim on the roof. While the orc was busy bragging Fawadin pointed his gun at him and blew him away. On his corpse the key we found the key he had taken from Borvald which is a pretty good bonus.

Skyrim: Robbing the Bandit

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After dealing with the necromancers it was back to the campaign against the local bandits, who weren't bandits at all but soldiers of Lord Yngvarr. To my surprise Yngvarr was in Amber Creek upon our return, alone, and demanding that Jarl Agnar let him search for... something. Agnar basically told him to shove it and sent him off empty handed. The silly Jarl then dropped his brave act and turned to us, desperate to recruit allies for the upcoming war against Yngvarr. I figured that there was a much easier solution.

We caught up with Yngvarr, beat him up, and stripped him of his gear.
Fawadin then decided to wear his "anvil" armor.

As a bandit chief I thought Yngvarr would appreciate that.

Beating him up wasn't the same as stopping his army though, and just as we arrived at the neighboring town of Borvald it came under attack from his army and fell spectacularly fast which is surprising since the local citizens could actually go toe to toe with the invaders. I guess the non visible catapults firing the flaming boulders were simply too much.

Defeat by plot.

Escaping through the local crypt, we at least discovered what Yngvarr was after when we witnessed his orc Lieutenant, Kolgrim, take a strange keystone through a well placed window. That and he actually mentioned what Yngvarr was after. Something called "The Heart of the Gods". With that information we returned to Jarl Agnar at Amber Creek who assembled his "fellowship" to a meeting about this. Apparently the Heart is what keeps this land habitable and not totally frozen. Five keys were distributed long ago to protect any one person from accessing it.

There were still two keys out there.

Skyrim: Dream Crystal

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Falskaar: Where women and children don't matter.

Continuing the campaign against the bandits, we clear them out from the docks where they had taken locals prisoner. One of them happens to be a trader that sails between Falskaar and Dawnstar, so we pay the 500 gold passage fee (both ways) to recruit someone to replace our fallen ally (Bandit). Fawadin, the Nord who I previously met working as Burgundy's bodyguard was in town and was up to the task.

Making camp.

Back at Falskaar (which is surprisingly warm for a place North of Dawnstar), another theme to many of the quests is that the local necromancers are taking control of various critters through use of magical stones. It's like they're playing Pokemon,  and it's up to me to collect all them. The stones that is. Arnand, the helpful monk guy suggests all this is actually the result of a rogue member of his order, so after collecting all the pieces we head to some ruins where it can be destroyed. Of course, said bad guy gets all the pieces in transit and makes the place go a bit crazy more visually appealing.

Floating furniture!

Pity that he's a push over when we reach him though, basically only summoning draugr to do his dirty work. When he ultimately tries to use the mega-pokeball assembled Dream Crystal it kills him. That kind of wrapped up rather nicely for us!

Skyrim: Flames of Oblivion

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Upon easily returning to my own time (I'm an expert now I guess) and exiting the ruins, Brutus reported finding a nearby crashed ship high up on the frozen cliffs. We went to check it out to find it's a gold transport, still with safes and loot intact.

A redguard named Burgundy was already there and had claimed it as her inheritance though, and since gold is something I have lots of I left her and her guard, Fawadin, there to handle it while we returned to Mellori. Her next task was very fun: to collect a weapon from an oblivion realm! The portal to this was near the Thalmor Embassy so Brutus entertained himself while I went into the red realms of the dremora - who are still susceptible to good ol fashioned throat slitting.

Very, very red.

Their boss, Graff Von what's his face, was the only one to insta-detect me. He also offered a trade for what I was after: either I gave him my first born infant or duel to the death right now. Is that even a choice? To his credit, the dremora lord put up a decent fight and could take my hits - but was simply too slow with his two hander to hit me in return.

Too much sitting on your ass and not enough training!

After doing the classic samurai dash-finisher, I collected the broken artifact weapon and made my way out. Oh, and I finally found a fireball tome! Yep, I only learned that spell now.

He also had some funny books.