King of the Hill

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I had to change my usual visit somewhat in that this time I didn't want to kill any of the guards, if possible, because I was going to need them against those orcs. Fortunately I still had an invisibility potion that let me sprint up all the way into Dragonsreach undetected. There on the throne waited Jarl Bossman, discussing with his court mage how clever his plan was. He was supplying the orcs with free passage and supplies while they run about and decimate as many Stormcloaks as they can while the Imperials rebuild their army to take back the region (following their loss in the civil war). The Riften thieves guild (ie. Brynjolf) was in on it too, providing scouts, maps, intel, and occasionally kidnapping a girl here or there for Jarl Bossman's pleasure. The punk made me so angry I smashed my hand down on a nearby table - and became visible. We all drew our weapons simultaneously and I was surprised to find an ally here - a maid named Juliette who was tired of being Jarl Bossman's toy.

One by one I cut all of his court down but I left Jarl Bossman himself to be executed by his own servant who thanked me profusely after plugging a final arrow into his head. As if on cue more guardsmen came into the castle and between the two of us we tried to explain about what the Jarl had been doing and of the orc threat but they were having none of it so I opted for a diffent route. Since all of these idiots are greedy bastards I simply bribed them to work for me. After all my adventures I could afford it anyway and they easily accepted the sound of gold, swearing their service to me (until there's a better offer ofcourse) but for now, I was King of the Hill. I asked Juliette if she wanted to leave town but she opted to stay, saying there was another slave taken in a few days ago, but not to the castle.

We went to Jovasskr and to our surprise found the draugrs Farkas, Mia and Torvar there. People who were supposed to be DEAD. Furthermore, a slave girl named Kitana was there too which riled me up even more. These bastards were in on the Jarl's plot! I ordered them at once to release her but Farkas refused - and would non stop talk shit at me. My sword through his chest shut him up good, then I tossed his corpse on the fire (again) to hopefully slow down his regeneration. I got Juliette to free Kitana and told the shaken girl to go to Windhelm where Njada would look after her then turned angrily on the remaining two draugr and they surprisingly backed down. I suppose having witnessed Farkas' brutal treatment scared them? Anyway they said they could help me against the orcs, and Torvar even offered to come with me on the "lure" run. I accepted, telling Juliette to head back up to the castle. As the old saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Cats do it all the time.

I did a quick sweep of the town afterwards, finding there were quite a few new adventurers here which was good (and makes sense being the trade capital of the region). I told all of them and the guards what was coming, and to prepare. Then I did something I should have done a long time ago... I bought a horse. :P

Wizards and Warriors

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

Bree the blade joined next and she was a powerhouse! She helped defeat the guardian mudcrab, skeever and bear, 2 ancient dragons, a frost dragon, laid waste to an imperial camp, single handedly killed a warlock and his assistant who were turning people into ghosts (after she fell into his trap while I didn't), and stood up to multiple draugr death overlords. She even won an archery duel against the hunter in Whiterun, and melee duels against a random Alik'r redguard and a bodyguard to the Jarl of Falkreath. She also killed an old maid targetted by the brotherhood with no remorse (though I had to pay a fee for that, I guess they were pissed -I- wasn't killing the marks so I personally one-shotted the next marked criminal mage hiding in some dwemer ruins).

There seems to be a steady stream of unsigned letters being delivered to me too, sending me to word walls in dangerous spots. Either my incognito friend(s) travelled to these places themselves or they are trying their best to kill me. One such spot during our exploration of the South turned out to be a wizard coven and with their combined spells finally managed to explode Bree into little pieces. Cat the ranger filled her shoes nicely though, especially when I gave her twin mage staves, it was she who was tossing the wizards around!

Wasn't to last long however as on our return trip to Whiterun for more thiefing jobs one of the guards attempted to arrest me. This led to a pretty large scale battle in the city streets and out of nowhere Vilkas, in full blades attire, appeared to assist the guards, forcing me to kill him (again?). During this, Cat took an arrow to the head so I quickly ducked in the tavern and found Lea the knight to continue the melee. Also went into the Jorrvaskr and inexplicably found both Torvar and Farkas alive once more, and hostile! Its almost like all the companions are destined to be draugr. After killing them we completed our remaining task and left the city. Hopefully they stay dead this time as I got their inheritance letters!

Came across another falmer cave in the Northern mountains which was easily cleared, then pushed forward to the next brotherhood contract - a pirate named Safia. I hate pirates. Found her ship and killed her quickly as she ate a leek. Her crew put up a better fight though, and Lea was beheaded by a daedric axe. The lady wielding this weapon was the last alive and when I accidentally put my weapon away, she did the same willing to call it a draw. I took the opportunity to slit her throat when the idiot turned around. It's a good trick though, wonder if I can use it on more people? Anyway, since I was nearby I decided to drop into my Solitude estate to drop off gear and visit Njada and Jordis for a well earned massage. ;)

That's a pretty lousy last meal.

The Cleansing

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

J'zargo didn't turn out to be as good as he thought he was, as he was slain by in battle with common bandits. With a delivery task back to Whiterun I discovered all the companions could now follow me. Not wanting to have a freaking werewolf I decided to take Athis the asshat, to evaluate his skills. I watched as he was knocked down and begging for mercy by four unarmed pirates. And again by one Khajit assassin. I don't know how he ever joined the supposedly best fighters guild in the region. We also went to assist an Imperial fleet take out a Pirate hold (pirates are more scum than the empire so it was ok for this short truce). Ofcourse, they sent me and Athis in alone to kill the leader - a task in which Athis was axed to death by a single pirate minion. I cleared out the pirate keep only to discover the imperial ships began bombardment... while I was still inside. TRAITOROUS SCUM! I should have known!

Not a face you can trust.

I made it out under all the explosions and had a stern word with the imperial lady in charge afterwards, Adelisa. She wanted to join my adventures? Sure. Let's see how you like being betrayed. A prime opportunity arose when we found the Cult of Boethia, who wanted me to sacrifice her on a magic pillar. I had other ideas though, we killed all of them instead. Adelisa also helped me get half way through a dwemer ruin looking for a powerful staff before she had her insides ripped out by Falmer bastards. Those guys are really ruthless. Also found and assisted an empire aligned mage there, but due to his obligation to report the goings on here to his superiors I had no choice but to slit his throat.

Decided to head back to Whiterun to handle a problem that's been nagging me for awhile. As guild leader of the companions, I wanted all werewolves OUT. To my surprise when I get to the hall I see Athis there - alive and well. Little bastard somehow made it off that island! No matter, next up for evaluation was Ria the rookie. We did minor tasks for the three circle wolves and she handled herself amiably, even managing to slay a dragon (normal type - haven't seen them in awhile). I had hoped the lycans would reconsider their condition especially since they knew there was a cure for it now, but alas they seemed to all be happy with their condition. I had no choice then, as guild master it was my responsibility to deal with this potential problem. With all three in tow I took them to the pillar of Boethia where the threads of fate (game immortality) could not protect them and I grinned as I ended their miserable lives. There would be no more werewolves coming from you three infected bastards. That felt so much better!

Next up for evaluation was Torvar the drunk, and I took him to assist in the problems up at Winterhold where he performed waaaay better than I thought he would. He survived defending the broken town against magical anomalies, against a skeletal dragon, a wisp mother AND a lich. He also got to fight the thalmor prick Ancano and his associate. Alas, in the final battle he had his jugular ripped out by a crazed magical anomaly. After avenging his death and fixing the main problem at the mage school I was named arch-mage, which is ironic since my level of magic ability is rather low. Guess these mages aren't so smart after all.

A whole lot of killing

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

Thanks to being interrupted by a Jester with a broken down carraige, I was left to catch up with the three fools at the dungeon itself where really only one of them was of any use. The first twin was too sad and the second was afraid of spiders (what? lol) so it was up to Aela and I to reach the deep crypt past all the warriors of old. Once there the ritual for the cure simply involved tossing a severed head into a flame. Easy enough. Since I brought extra, I decided to cure myself too. By strange coincidence I find myself now the leader of this Companions guild that has a few too many members that I dislike. The three amigos stay for awhile to worship the dead while I head on back to Solitude to infiltrate a Thalmor party at their embassy. I like this mission already.

After slipping away from the guests I make sure to assassinate every single Thalmor guard, assistant, official, or general supporter I find. Backstabbing and throat slitting has never felt so rewarding. Those I could not reach I had to kill using arrows through a fence, but I made sure none remained alive. With the information I needed in hand I was assisted by my housecarl Jordis to escape using a one-way underground tunnel (which leads me to question as to how she got in there in the first place). She also is a good fighter assisting me in defeating another Forsworn stronghold, a blood dragon, two elder dragons, and vasals of Mehrunes Dagon. Phew! That's a lot of killing.

Back in Winterhold the Mages College has tasked me with gathering more intel on this giant floaty orb thing as well, so I decide that it would probably be prudent to bring a mage on this task and with the novice Onmund offering to help after I retrieved his family necklace I told Jordis to take a break and meet me back at the house in Solitude. She was happy to do so, but first she pulled out her axe and began an uprovoked chopping on the Thalmor agent Ancano. Before I can do anything, Onmund is shooting lightning at her, defending the Thalmor scum! What the hell man. ANY SUPPORTER OF THE THALMOR MUST DIE. With daggers in hand I tore Onmund into tiny little pieces, leaving what was left of his corpse lying on display at the center of the hall. Ancano unfortunately is immortal (I did try killing him on our first meeting, stupid game), so eventually I managed to calm Jordis down enough to get her outside and on her way home. By luck and skill, no one actually saw me killing my fellow student, so I waltzed onto choice number two - the khajit J'zargo who had in a very sly way tried to kill me earlier I think.

This one thinks that it is you who is the fool.
Then it was off to Windhelm, a city of snow, racism and murder. By sheer first impression I already had an idea of who was the murderer anyway but no one was asking me to help solve the crime so I did the usual "talk to everyone and punch a few people in the face" routine. Finally also "properly" met Ulfric Stormcloak, leader of the rebellion. He has spirit and I am inclined to join his cause, but not yet - there still be the dragon mystery to solve. Apparently he's also quite racist (so am I, I hate all races that don't bow down to me) so it is a minor flaw compared to the many that plague the defunct empire.

Ashes to Ashes

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

On the road to Markarth we came across a Thalmor unit with a prisoner. After getting into a theological argument with them, they attacked (as planned) and I tested Erandur's will to kill his own kind (elves), which he passed with flying colours. He is quite a violent priest. After freeing the captive we continued to the City of Stone for what was meant to be a simple pickup job for the mages college and a bounty retrieval from the Jarl's steward. This was not to be. One of the guardsmen at the main hall wanted to arrest me: on charges of treason for "aiding" the forsworn. I aided them by killing their leader? I knew quickly that the local Thalmor bastard (who was standing there at the time with his usual smug grin) had organized this. I told the guard "fuck you", and began a long fight back out to the city gates, but not before I made sure the Thalmor asswipe and his two lackeys were lying lifeless in pools of their own blood. Between Erandur and I we must have slaughtered half the guardsmen at Markarth before reaching the gates. Alas in the final melee, the priest was cut down and his body lay in a pile of other soldiers he killed.

Decided to steal a horse and make my way to a nearby orc camp which I was turned away from earlier. The blacksmith lady (orc) in town had told me I would be welcome now after helping her which I was. Upon arrival I did what is customary I assume. I challenged their chief to a fist fight and publicly humiliated him by knocking his lights out. Then I got his brother Ghorbash to join me on my next tasks which involved killing hagravens and as luck would have it, a great number of orc bandits. The stalwart warrior was not in my company long though when he met his end to a master necromancer who then raised his body to fight against me. Upon killing the wizard with my arrows the once mighty Ghorbash disintegrated into a pile of ash.

How many people end up when Necromancy or Fire is involved.
Back at Whiterun I found that the Silverhand had been busy and managed to actually kill the old leader guy. YES! One less werewolf. Vilkas, one of the twins, wants vengeance and demands to come with me. Ofcourse his vengeance can wait. First we go back up to High Hrothgar where I finish my training and can finally use the shout that all these dead men have been using against me (Fus ro dah!), then we go kill a troublesome giant, fight an elder dragon and the lich Krosis at the same time (that was tough), and find Azura's star. Also became Thane of both Winterhold and Dawnstar, and retrieved missing books and rescued the stupid student Orthorn for the mages college from a sorceress who calls herself "The Caller". When she saw me she instantly panicked and let me take whatever I wanted. Silly for her at that point I wanted her life for making me go through all her minions. Dagger to the back resulted in her instant death and prevented any stupid boss fight that may have happened.

Finally we get to Vilkas' revenge. The Silverhand stronghold is expansive, but generally they are no match for us. Also decided to free a captive werewolf who turned out to be wild (as I predicted). I let Vilkas deal with it to see if he had the cahones to murder his own kind. He did. I grinned and laughed. That should be the fate of all stupid werewolves (I'm a werecorgi, I'm not included in that generalization :P). I was tempted to backstab Vilkas right now but I knew from the fight with Krosis earlier that he was immune to death (damn game). Back at Whiterun we attended the funeral of the old leader guy where Aela burned his corpse on the pyre. I also learn that there's a cure for this lycanthropy, so with the twins Farkas and Vilkas and Aela we begin our run North to find it.

Dragons and Death

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

Before heading out with the Whiterun troops to examine this dragon sighting I decided to do a bit of preparation by cooking a whole bunch of food from freely available ingredients and mixing random potions. Also met Uthgerd the Unbroken, a hard woman who was pushing for some fisticuffs so I obliged. She certainly was tougher than the lady blacksmith but maybe that's because she was wearing full plate armor. Regardless, I put her in her place and she offered to join me in my travels, an offer I accepted thinking that she would be a good addition for dragon fighting. How wrong I was.

We had only reached the outer gate of the city where I was chatting to some travelling Khajiit when a bunch of three thugs attacked. She maybe swung her sword twice before they had her bent over begging for mercy. Unbroken my foot. So it was up to me and my trusty bow and knives to handle them. The fight led us back towards the Whiterun guards who seemed to be enjoying the whole spectacle and refused to take part. Uthgerd would occasionally try to hit them in the back when she wasn't pissing her leggings in fear and pleading for her life but they'd just knock her down with a dismissive swipe, much like one swatting a mosquito. Not being able to stand the patheticness of this so called proud and unbroken woman, I made sure she died in the battle. After searching the thugs I also discovered who hired them... the Whiterun guards themselves! No wonder they stood idly by, those bastards...

With a new found distrust of these people I stripped all the dead and lugged their gear back to the shop for selling. Also picked up the warrior Farkas to take Uthgerd's place. Seems he wants us to go somewhere to collect an artifact. I wonder if that will involve punching women too? Seems to be a trend in this place. No matter, we took a slight detour to meet up with the detachment of Whiterun troops to check out this dragon. And by detachment I mean six people. The tower is in ruins and before long the dragon MewMew returns! Ok, that wasn't it's name but I'll be damned if I can remember it. A very awesome battle commences, with fire and arrows everywhere. Farkas seems to be able to take the flame to the face quite well. Soon enough the dragon is slain. 50% surival rate. Not bad. Apparently I ate it's soul too. Now those traitorous guards think I'm something special. Hopefully that'll stop them sending hitmen after me.

Artist's rendition of the battle at West Tower against MewMew! :P

While the rest of them returned to base I continued on to the lair of the Dustmen with Farkas which was where he wanted to go in the first place. Figured I owed him for taking dragonfire to his face. Seems that four undead things are too much for him though and just in the opening room he is being knocked around like a pansy. Up to ye olde Skyrim (me, not the region) to save the day. At least Farkas doesn't beg, but I am concerned that I can't get him to carry stuff. Something's not quite right with him...

He's a werewolf!? That explains taking dragonfire to the face, but a werewolf? I am torn. Werewolves are scum and they ALL need to be put down.Worse, a bunch of his group back in Whiterun are monsters too. I'm collecting the silver swords off these dead wolf hunters because I think I'm going to need them. I really should backstab him now to stop him spreading his disease, but he hasn't done anything blatantly evil yet. Goddamnit. Fine we'll see how this pans out. A whole bunch of killing later we're out with whatever artifact in hand. I'm not really paying attention since I'm keeping an eye on this wolf bastard, just waiting for him to turn on me but he doesn't. Back at Whiterun his group welcome me as a fledging member and Farkas leaves my company. Good, now I know which ones I need to take out. The old dude confirms it. Somehow they've kept it secret too. We'll see about that.

Went up to the Jarl bossman who congratulates me for killing the dragon. He then tells me I'm being summoned somewhere and gives me a title and a new female bodyguard. That's great. Hey Jarl bossman did you know you have a werewolf infestation in your city? Unfortunately that line of conversation does not exist. Seems I'll have to take care of them myself. As usual.