King of the Hill

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I had to change my usual visit somewhat in that this time I didn't want to kill any of the guards, if possible, because I was going to need them against those orcs. Fortunately I still had an invisibility potion that let me sprint up all the way into Dragonsreach undetected. There on the throne waited Jarl Bossman, discussing with his court mage how clever his plan was. He was supplying the orcs with free passage and supplies while they run about and decimate as many Stormcloaks as they can while the Imperials rebuild their army to take back the region (following their loss in the civil war). The Riften thieves guild (ie. Brynjolf) was in on it too, providing scouts, maps, intel, and occasionally kidnapping a girl here or there for Jarl Bossman's pleasure. The punk made me so angry I smashed my hand down on a nearby table - and became visible. We all drew our weapons simultaneously and I was surprised to find an ally here - a maid named Juliette who was tired of being Jarl Bossman's toy.

One by one I cut all of his court down but I left Jarl Bossman himself to be executed by his own servant who thanked me profusely after plugging a final arrow into his head. As if on cue more guardsmen came into the castle and between the two of us we tried to explain about what the Jarl had been doing and of the orc threat but they were having none of it so I opted for a diffent route. Since all of these idiots are greedy bastards I simply bribed them to work for me. After all my adventures I could afford it anyway and they easily accepted the sound of gold, swearing their service to me (until there's a better offer ofcourse) but for now, I was King of the Hill. I asked Juliette if she wanted to leave town but she opted to stay, saying there was another slave taken in a few days ago, but not to the castle.

We went to Jovasskr and to our surprise found the draugrs Farkas, Mia and Torvar there. People who were supposed to be DEAD. Furthermore, a slave girl named Kitana was there too which riled me up even more. These bastards were in on the Jarl's plot! I ordered them at once to release her but Farkas refused - and would non stop talk shit at me. My sword through his chest shut him up good, then I tossed his corpse on the fire (again) to hopefully slow down his regeneration. I got Juliette to free Kitana and told the shaken girl to go to Windhelm where Njada would look after her then turned angrily on the remaining two draugr and they surprisingly backed down. I suppose having witnessed Farkas' brutal treatment scared them? Anyway they said they could help me against the orcs, and Torvar even offered to come with me on the "lure" run. I accepted, telling Juliette to head back up to the castle. As the old saying goes, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

Cats do it all the time.

I did a quick sweep of the town afterwards, finding there were quite a few new adventurers here which was good (and makes sense being the trade capital of the region). I told all of them and the guards what was coming, and to prepare. Then I did something I should have done a long time ago... I bought a horse. :P

Fall of Fort Greymoor

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Decided to investigate this new orc threat (Urukhai mod) and not far from the Western Watchtower I found my first group. There were only three or four of them, fighting bandits, a pair of mages, and an ancient dragon; and they were tough as NAILS. Maeci made the mistake of trying to duel one and she was soon impaled right through one one of their wicked blades. I summoned Odahviing to the chaos and the fight ended up near Fort Greymoor where the Stormcloak guardsmen came to my aid. Many of them died in the combat but we managed to kill all the orcs. Worse was their "leader", a strange cloaked figure called a Black Swan. One shot from her bow would kill me instantly, so (after a few reloads) I decided instead to sneak up right behind her and backstab her to death. Turns out she wasn't even an orc, but a redguard!?

Who knew ballerinas were so deadly?

A second Black Swan soon appeared and out of nowhere the kid from Falkreath, Chelsea came running - firing back at my foe. I was also surprised to learn she could use basic Thuum! Between the two of us we killed the next sniper as well as a random Nightingale Assassin who appeared shortly after. Damn that Brynjolf. Looks like he escaped the guards afterall. Anyway, we reported back at Riverwood and agreed that what I had just spend 20-30 minutes fighting was a scouting party. Holy hell. I got Lighting and the cleric Aluna to go to Fort Greymoor with the remaining soldiers because we were going to need them. I tried to get Chelsea to stay there too but she stubbornly refused so together we went off to scout the plains for more orcs, and it wasn't long before we found their camp, South of Rorikstead. There were maybe 8-12 of them here in a tight group.

According to plan, we opened fire from far and began sprinting back to the Fort. Didn't realize their dual wielding beserkers could run faster though and for all her shouting Chelsea was soon cut down by the rampaging mob leaving me to sprint away from them all on my lonesome. I tried calling Odhaviing again to cover my back but for the first time he didn't show. Through stamina potions I finally made it back to the Fort which was by chance being reinforced by a wandering dunmer named Talon Dreth and his mercenaries. Almost immediately my pursuers arrived and the battle began in earnest with everyone engaging the orsimer forces, but they were just way too strong. The guards and the mercenaries were cut down, as was Lighting whose throat was cut on the stairs. The cleric Aluna tried to flee to Whiterun but she was mobbed before getting very far. Maybe only one or two of the orcs had fallen.

Being the last one left I lured the mob up into the parapets then jumped the wall, giving me a head start run. I actually did manage to kill a few more of them because they were quite injured from the battle - even beheading one that strayed too far ahead of his buddies, but I was still falling back. Back to Whiterun - where the guards wanted me dead. No choice though since these enemies were simply too powerful. I was in for a surprise when I reached those gates though - the guards and orcs ALLIED against ME and didn't fight each other AT ALL! What the HELL? I got myself out of there quickly, trying again in vain to summon Odahviing. I did ice a few more of the orcs though but at least half their number remained as I hid in the distant hills until they got tired of looking for me. While there it suddenly clicked. The orcs and Jarl Bossman were in league with each other, that's why the two forces were so friendly. Angrier than ever, I marched back towards Whiterun - it was time to get some answers.

Girl Power!

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

On the way into Markarth (to try find more adventurers) I got a letter from Gunmar saying that there was a vamp parading around in plain sight in the city that needed slaying. Guess he magically knew I was headed this way? We find the red eyed bastard easy enough so I tell Sparrow to use his "master wizardry" to kill the dude in one shot. Sparrow refuses because he's really just a whiny little brat. Fine, I instead tell him to lay low while I snipe the mark. My arrow lands right into the vamp's face but he is still standing, dazed and not quite sure what hit him since we are stealthed quite a ways away. Then my genious hireling decides to charge, yelling and casting the brightest spells known to man attracting the attention of I'm guessing every single guard in the city. Moral of the story: SPARROW IS AN IDIOT. I let the guards gang rape him while I finished off the vamp at which point the "master wizard" (who I think got confused between wizard and wanker) was eviscerated at the meat stand and all the guards turned their attention to me.

With them swarming I was pushed back into the tavern where as luck would have it an adventuring party of five bosmer gals were present - and I learned later that they too had felt the not-so-gentle touch of the guards during their stay here. They decided to help me outright (way better than my previous companion) and the tavern erupted into battle, arrows and blood flying everywhere. Some of the civilians also became casualties in the mayhem and in the end every single guard was dead (and stripped - I do that to all my enemies) as well as all but one of the bosmer gals named Maeci. We got out of that city quicksmart and pushed on to Falkreath where the guards were again very welcoming (ie. not). A young archer named Chelsea was here but she was just old enough not to be called a kid so I told her to stay put while I went and talked to the Jarl about his guards.

Girl Groups - always a good distraction.

Surprisingly the Jarl is very pleased with me, so why the hostility? Turns out his number one guardsman is an Imperial supporter, based on his armor. The burly man actually tries to fight me - laughable. Knowing he's not worth my time I let Maeci, who is half his weight and a head shorter, duel him. She guts that loser easily, right infront of a smirking Jarl. I kinda like the old guy now. Anyway we continue on to Riverwood where the guards are even MORE aggressive (they don't ask for my surrender now) and again we're forced to permanently subdue them. A Vigilant of Stendarr named Aluna helps us do this, and afterwards says that the Jarl of Whiterun has been hiring kidnappers to get girls from neighbouring towns for his own pleasure and must be stopped. WHAT? Looks like he is to be my next target... Jarl Bossman, This time fate will not protect you!

However at the tavern my plans are altered when I meet another adventurer, a pink haired she-knight named Lighting (yes that's how it was spelled) killing a random Orc in the tavern. She says she has been tracking a large group of daedric worshiping orsimer from the southern regions - probably the same bunch I heard about before - somewhere on the plains around Whiterun. They ravaged her village and she's out for revenge. Must be a small army to be able to just chaotically march through the lands though - especially Thalmor controlled lands. Must be something else behind their sudden appearance.

Gyromancing the Stones

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

Calder and I continued the hunt for the stones, looking through the Markarth and Falkreath areas with no luck. At the Pinewatch bandit place where Dex was previously arrowed to death, Calder also died after being hacked, stabbed, and taking two arrows to the face. Unfortunately the stone there was already gone too so he died for nothing. It was around this point that I noticed Shadowmere was no longer following me, probably due to its old master turning into dust before its eyes.

No matter, next stop was Whiterun where I knew the guards wanted my head. Nice of them to still ask if I'd like to surrender though, and one of them was even so nice as to ask me to stop all the yelling as it was frightening people (i agreed) - just before trying to kill me. Got into the local pub which was quickly being emptied of inhabitants but found Rayna an ex-imperial soldier willing to follow me into battle. She probably was impressed by my Stormcloak killing ability.

After clearing the streets we checked the crypts where we didn't find a stone but instead found fresh coffins for a whole group of familiar names. Always wondered what happened to Uthgerd - turns out she was moved down here awhile ago. Next stop was Dragonsreach itself, so after fighting through more guards we made our way past the slain Jarl Vignar (from my last visit) to his quarters and there waiting for us is Jarl Bossman! He had returned from his exile in Solitude and seemed to now be running the show again, and he was still pissed off from our last meeting. Fought our way past him (a few times) but alas, there was no stone to be found up here either.

A true nord never backs down. Just like Aerys Targaryen?
(art by GoranGligovic)

Luckily the next spot, a keep full of necromancers did have one. Decided to dismiss Rayna back to Whiterun since she was a handy asset to have in that location when I picked up the mage Ralan. Unfortunately he was a complete loser who wouldn't want to go past the entry points of the next few places I explored (including a charrus infested lighthouse) and soon met his end (via friendly fire arrow) against some conjurers in a cave where again - there was no stone.

Replaced him with a barbarian lady named Sunni who showed off her skills by slaying a brash redguard right in the tavern I found her in. With her I found the last two remaining stones and was tasked to retrieve the crown they sat on from a falmer infested cave. The crown was retrieved but Sunni was left floating face down in a pool of water after getting eviscerated by the falmer bastards. Having completed the "end game" for the thieves guild I figured it was time to go get the person who most wanted them dead - Mjoll the Lioness who now resided at Skyhaven Temple.

Palace Guardians

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

I learned some disturbing rumors at my stay in Solitude. Both the girls thought that the local reagent, Jarl Elisif the Fair, was housing all the deposed leaders who had allied with imperial scum during the war. This was unacceptable to me, as every single imperial loyalist must be executed. With that thought in mind I told them to sit tight as I didn't want them involved with what was to happen. Found my executioner friend Ahtar who owed me for killing a bandit he had a grudge against and took him to the palace basement where we did indeed find a -lot- of people, all of whom were unhappy to see me. Ahtar was steadfast in his imperial ways though and refused to execute them in cold blood, so I started things off myself with a backstab or three and it became a pretty big battle as Elisif, the members of her court and the palace guards all joined in the blood-letting.

"We heard you were having a party downstairs."
At the end only Falk Firebeard the slayer of Ahtar, Jarl Bossman, some kid (all of whom somehow -still- had threads of fate protecting them) along with two of Elisif's lowly servants were left. Having made my point I snuck out of town and went to the Dawnstar sanctuary where I picked up a dark brotherhood initiate guy. Continued East into the frost to hunt the guardian sabre cat but first ran into a group of hired thugs gunning for me. The initiate proved his skills with an awesome finisher in that fight, but when I asked him to then kill a lone bandit he was absolutely owned and she put him down like the dog he was. After avenging him, I backtracked a little to recruit the "hot" fire mage Selina. She made short work of a wisp mother while I took out the guardian kitty and was awesome in defeating a giant frost atronarch duo attacking a follower of Stendar. Then we found a falmer cave and things didn't end very well for her when the scum and their charrus pets managed to close the distance.

After clearing the rest of it I passed by Windhelm and picked up the lady knight Marne at the tavern before continuing on to Riften to hand in and complete more thiefy tasks. Headed back towards Whiterun where surprisingly, I had missed a lot of locations including the cave containing the guardian troll which we dispatched easily.