Dark Souls: Kill you Later

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Beyond the Colosseum lay the ruined township of Oolacile, collapsing into the gaping abyss beneath it. The remaining inhabitants were either beholder head hollows or ugly chaos mages that used dark sorceries of the abyss. Fortunately there was a cool counter to this in the form of a simple silver pendant I found, which basically gives a one second "shield" that deflects all dark magic. Your timing in using it just had to be good (much easier than parry), so I spent a bit training with it - intentionally letting mages blast me.

Chester, the grinning merchant also decided to try snipe me while I crossed one of the long bridges. I pummeled him into submission then used his sniping tactic to get passed a horribly strong ogre thing that blocked the path down into the dark. Again. F-ing dark places. Here at the Chasm of the Abyss I got slammed by dark magic coming out of the darkness. So much for my shield huh? Good thing there was a bonfire right at the start.

Since I couldn't be cautious, it was running mode time - down and down until I started fighting ghost humanities (a consumable item?) which must be the easiest opponents ever. I also got visions of Alvinia (the cat) leading me through one section and right to a secret path where a much younger Sif was trapped. Of course I saved the puppy. If I didn't how could I kill it later? That would be a paradox!

I guess the sword also "grows up"?

Almost right beside that chamber was another shortcut elevator up to the "hub" section. Yay! Also, Chester apparently survived our previous encounter and was understandably upset upon seeing me again. I executed him for his crimes. One less bandit to worry about.

I do like it when they beg.

Skyrim: Hammar Time

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Brhuce does not apologize for the small text.

We find Medeliu's son, Brhuce, in the lowest bowels of a derelict pumphouse in Blackreach. He's pretty funny, but also a bit of a dick. He quickly offends Fawadin who storms off in a huff. I tell him that his father is looking for him but he doesn't care. Instead he wants to go after the Tankard of Why, some insanely alcoholic beverage which also grants the ability to know everything(?). I tell him I don't drink, but Sofia quickly pipes up that she does so... I guess we're roped in to helping!

That's specific.

It actually takes me some time to find the ruin the tankard is hiding in, because Brhuce doesn't believe in quest markers. I eventually find it near Falkreath, but someone else is there waiting for us - a mage knight named Zavakin who clearly wants us dead. The guy is a monstrous tank, but not too strong in the damage dealing department. To that end I stand back and let my allies deal with him.

Apparently Brhuce's main form of attack is throwing miniature trains that inflict severe knockback. This, combined with Sofia's high damage output is too much for him and Sofia finishes him off while he begs for his life.

Burrrrrned!

Finally we reach Hfernerfberf and I'm a little surprised that Brhuce doesn't enter the place with us. While it is guarded by lowly draugr there is some trippy stuff going on here, like tables overflowing with ale (which Sofia stops to partake at), giant skooma bottles, corridors full of moon sugar and traps which spawn immortal giant ghost spiders whom you have to simply run from. In a circle.

LOL!

Dark Souls: Knights of the King

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Must have rabies - look at the crazy eyes!

I awake underneath a tree with only one way to go - a clearing with a not so friendly manticore. After crushing the beast I found myself at a small shrine with a talking shroom named Elizabeth. She tells me Princess Dusk has been kidnapped (that was quick) and like any good Mario I should save the princess! Well, I'm here anyway so why not. The nearby and eerily familiar forest is filled with gardener-type spriggans as well as gigantic knight statues who I opt to stay away from. There's also a black dragon.

After much running I find a quiet area that unlocks some handy elevator shortcuts. A shady guy named Chester is here too, selling some stuff and being a bit of a douche. I'm not the only one who was dragged here he says. I slightly suspect Chester's related to Ser Dick. Anyway, at a nearby Colosseum I witness a strange, beholder head hollow getting thrashed by a mighty knight. Who then sets his sights on me! Turns out this is Artorias the Abysswalker, after the abyss had corrupted him.

I just wanted to return your ring, you psycho.

He is a tough fight because learning all his moves (amazing to watch, less so if it connects) takes some time and more than a few attempts. Ultimately I end up face tanking him with the pyromancy called Iron Flesh. This stunts his DPS enough for me to outlast him and ultimately put him in the ground. After the battle a lady knight named Ciaran appears and gives him a proper burial, asking if I could give her the soul of Artorias. Since I sense a connection there I hand it over and she gives me her twin daggers in exchange - stating she wouldn't need them any more.

Turns out this was the Lord's Blade Ciaran, one of the four best knights of the King (Gwyn, I assume). I had already met (and slain) two of the others: Artorias and Ornstein.

Skyrim: Yngvarr's Folly

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Running low on henchmen there Mr. Bad guy.

We find Yngvarr and the last of his troops at the temple which holds the Heart of the Gods. Too bad for him, his wizards hadn't yet disabled the magic shield protecting it and so he began trying to stall by giving the longest speeches ever. For some, unfathomable reason he challenges me to a duel right then and there. I laugh at his face and accept, slaying him with the very first strike which he couldn't even react to. I'm guessing that's not what was supposed to happen? Haha.

Shocked by this Yngvarr's remaining men surrendered to Jarl Agnar who then got them to seal the temple. With our work here complete, I teleported my team back to Skyrim (that Asylum spell is fantastic) and spent a night of quiet celebratory dinner at my Riften home. Lucia and Sofie were happy to see us too and enjoyed the the gifts I brought back for them. Sofie apparently tamed a rabbit as well and I let her keep it as a pet.

I don't remember what the food was, but judging from the empty plates it was good.

It was nice to have a short time of not doing anything important, playing tag with the kids and listening to Sofia's stories. A message from Medeliu Hammar ended that though as he had a job for us: to find his son in Blackreach.

Dark Souls: Quest Hook

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Following the narrow ledge into another cave with more skeletons I finally found the lair of Gravelord Nito - a giant, floating amalgamation of bones who summons even more skeletons. Fortunately his own area attacks take care of them, and it becomes a case of stamina management. He still gets me the first two times with surprise AoE but his soul is mine on the third go.

Breaking the bag of bones...

With all four lord souls now in my posession I return to Frampt at Firelink Shrine and ... find the sock puppet asleep!? Also seems that Ser Chubby's daughter has moved on and the girl from the pit I rescued before is Petrus' crush, a fellow cleric named Rhea. She also offers miracle magic but my low faith score makes them useless to me.

Since I have some time to kill I decide to see if I can track down Ser Chubby by bonfire hopping (teleporting). One of my first stops was that empty cave behind the hydra at Darkroot Basin where a golden crystal golem now resides, much like the one I needed to free Ser Chubby's daughter from. Indeed, killing it releases a woman - Princess Dusk of Oolacile. Who? What?

She claims to be a time traveler and before I can get more than that (well actually she's just hard to understand) a giant hand reaches through a whirling portal and drags me in! WTF just happened?

High five!?

Skyrim: Blood Lust

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Jarl "bloody" Agnar's idea of a rescue mission.

Upon reporting of Kolgrim's death, Agnar orders we seize the advantage and basically kill everyone. This is a little hectic as there are a LOT more soldiers once we get out of the building but with much use of slow time and my speed bonus, I keep everyone alive up to the main gates. That's when we run into problems - Yngvarr rides up with a group of his elite warriors and demands Agnar to hand over the keys in exchange for everyone's lives. Being a moron, Agnar agrees.

Guess he's still upset about the last time we met.

Yngvarr rides off at the start of the melee and his elite warriors turn out to be pretty decent, especially since I hadn't yet recovered from the initial "escape". While my people survive the battle, the only other survivors are Agnar and his son. In a rage Agnar rallies his small army when we get back to Amber Creek, so that we may wage war directly on Yngvarr's fortress. Why he didn't do that at the start is a mystery, but just from the above it's clear he's not the smartest person around.

I'm tasked with clearing the gates for the main force.

In what feels more like a small skirmish, Agnar's forces quickly penetrate Yngvarr's defenses but once again the coward flees while his elites cover his escape. To be fair, if he gets the Heart of the Gods he becomes immortal so, it's a pretty good excuse. Agnar orders my team to go after him.

Probably because I've got the first ever space marine with me.

Dark Souls: Over the Edge

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Fortunately I didn't break anything in the fall, and there -was- loot to collect down here. There was also a trembling leaf of a woman saying that she and her two allies were also tricked by Patches. Her allies were now hollow though, so I had to kill them - which proved easy after all that practice I had against Lautrec and his crew. After slaying the other mandatory odd undead things here I found a ladder back to Patches, who begged for forgiveness. I said no, and slashed at him. The fight was on!

To his credit, he was a decent spear user but not as decent as I was in parrying people with spears. After executing the scum I continued into another large and pitch black chamber - with giant arrows flying out of the darkness! Not willing to put up with this BS I opted to once again sprint passed everything. Fortunately the direction of the place was "down" and there were many parts where I could just jump to a lower level to avoid monsters.

Look at the size of these things flying out of the darkness!

Eventually the wall I was following led out into an open ledge overlooking Ash Lake, and it is here that Paladin Leeroy - having been corrupted by whatever was ahead I suppose - attacked me. His use of miracles caught me by surprise (which is silly since "Paladin" is in his name) which made it a tough battle. In the end I ran him through and let him stagger backwards off the cliff. The baby hydras need to eat something after all.

Rule of Cool: Don't look back at your defeated foe.