More than Nothing: At the Edge of the City

[Part of the Party Time journal]

Traveling away from Highthrone the company come across a giant wall at the border of Ruskyn's territory under attack by the Boulder Knight (he's the basically the Juggernaut) who breaches it while backed by the horde knight Valamonde whose clones make up the bulk of the rest of the attacking force. Jerghonson trips the boulder knight and Aah smashes his face in with the dust knight's old hammer, killing the brute. Most of the Valamondes are slain as well, at the cost of Orwan and the soldier Crixus. 

They follow the fleeing Valamonde's back to the Ridgeline outpost expecting a fight but the leader there, Lady Dorza the Violet Knight lets them in to rest on the condition she can go with them to find the city and get rid of her seemingly useless (but also more than nothing) ultra-violet light powers that only she and a few animals like bees can detect. They agree to these terms. 

Once on the road again they meet another knight going the opposite way telling them to turn back as the city is just going to deny them as it did her with a great fog. She continues that its just around the corner before sulking off before a flying fortress arrives in the sky, broadcasting the message "do not interfere with the destiny of the realm" before bombing the entire region!

Lucky Wazzletard covers the company from and damage and while the landscape is destroyed, they see a long dark tunnel on the other side of which looks like the city as Dorza remembers it. As Wazzletard cannot fit within, they let the bird go before proceeding inside and half way through it fills with smoke and a small light appears in the distance as well as a loud "CHOO CHOO" sound. 

They quickly press themselves against a wall and let the train pass before running for the exit. In the thick smoke they lose track of all their companions and instead find themselves on a hill - beyond which is a city of colored lights and brick towers. Four other individuals who look like themselves, just older, block the way. They are Ugh, Sith, Mama, and Jerghon the Great (the previous player characters) who have been sent here to secure the source of magic for Empress Palisa of Goatgetterville, rival of Praetor Artorias! With similar orders neither group can leave the other alive!

More than Nothing: In Search of Magic

[Part of the Party Time journal]

Praetor Artorias arrives at Drystan with a few more troops including horny priest Carpef, three Pale-dogs gang members and Il'bakstabyo to join the PC's regiment who are then free to load up with any gear before they want (as well as eight "coins" from their collection travels which serve as free rerolls) before being sent as part of five boat load of troops to the island of Caphtor, rumored to be a source of magic, the type of rumors that have to be more than nothing. Their mission is to claim this magic power for Praetor Artorias' cause and more importantly stop others (mainly his rivals for the still empty throne of Aeternia) from gaining it.

The fleet navigates through the misty waters just fine and upon arrival Eagley and Lord Jhonen start setting up a base camp on the beach with majority of the troops while Mamita leads her twenty two man squad to start exploration, defeating a strange and hostile puddle jumping knight and receiving an ominous warning about a Hydra rising that only "the coin knight" might have a chance of slaying before she dies.

As dusk falls they enter some woods and assist a small forest village defeat a vampire attack but the cowardly villagers have no answers for them in regards to their quest, other than "the magic knights come from the city", so they push onto some farmland destroyed by a huge crater, within which a pair of giant tigers tied to a chariot munch on farm animals. The charioteer challenges them to combat but a low initiative draw for him sees his tigers easily dispatched by the soldiers while Jerghonson himself uses the god spear to shatter through the chariot and the charioteer in one powerful thrust, killing him.

Continuing towards a main farming village there is a minor altercation where the squad is accused of slaying a celebrated green bull, but upon explaining to their ultra muscular leader Hyga that it was the work of winged fiends (who no one else has seen) and showing the claw marks she believes them and invites them to stay, provided one of the males of their number spend the night with her. Horny priest Carpef eagerly volunteers.

In the early hours of the morning Mamita, standing watch, sees a pair of winged fiends - the same type that killed the green bull - fly to Hyga's house so she wakes her companions and investigates, finding that Hyga is feasting on Carpef's naked corpse with the two demon like creatures! She and Jerghonson take down the demons while Ughh stabs Hyga through the neck, breaking his sword in the process but it isn't enough to kill her so Aah sets her and her house on fire, which finishes the job. It also gets them banished from the place by the remaining villagers, as again they have no proof of their monstrous claims. They accept this decision and move on.

More than Nothing: Finding Warmth

[Part of the Party Time journal]

On the other side of the forest the team makes their way up the Stone Dragon mountain where Eagley says the profitable pink salt trade has stopped for some reason. Asking at a tribal camp they learn it was due to the sudden appearance of Mikra (abominable snow men things) after an earthquake. Rather than ask any more questions they start heading up the snow covered mountain (Eagley buys them warm coats) and ignore a wind-blocking campsite (with dead bodies under the snow) to forge on into the night and howling winds - taking cold damage as they do so. A lot more than nothing.

Half a dozen Mikra appear and are slain just before the PCs start dying themselves, and Jerghonson has the great idea of pulling the corpses together and sleeping inside them for warmth (like Star Wars). The next morning Bal Bahadur and four assistants find them and declares he's going to solve the Mikra issue, asking for their help, offering 1% of the future pink salt profit and shared credit for their troubles. Aah convinces him (with a good dice roll) to make that 90% of the profit but he can keep all the credit. At the summit they find a dark cave in the rock face where no doubt the Mikra are coming from and so work to collapse it - doing so before the sun sets again.

They manage to make it back to the village where Bal declares the threat ended and pays the team their earnings. They and Eagley quickly get out of there in case Bal's over confidence is unfounded. Their last stop is the town of Drystan, near a swamp. Luckily its leader, Lord Moroney - the best physician in the region (I introduced him accidentally killing someone who had a cold), is already an ally to Praetor Artorias and outfits them with better arms and armor. While waiting for the Praetor to arrive he asks they look into the "toad demon" tribe in the swamps who have recently become organized and have started kidnapping his townsfolk in raid. They also all seem to only have one hand?

The squad finds them easily enough in their swamp. Hundreds of them. Jerghonson prays to Luna for assistance and this time becomes a big wolf himself, then howls to get majority of the tribesmen chasing him (in vain, he's too fast as a wolf) while the rest circle around to an important looking ruin where they fight more tribals and hand-spiders (Mamita again leading a good spear throw), rescue the now handless victims, and slay their leader (Mamita and Ughh snipe him) - who turns out to be caravaner Jhonen!? The remaining tribesmen lose all cohesion and don't give chase.

Returning to Drystan with the captives they learn Jhonen always had it out for Moroney, as Moroney was unable to cure Jhonen's wife of a sickness (probably also a cold).

More than Nothing: Back to Partopia

[Part of the Party Time journal]

Soon a messenger bird arrives with orders that splits the team. Ughh and Aah stay with the dig team who uncover a giant hand behind a stone door that squishes 12 of the miners before it is defeated, while Mamita and Jerghonson along with half the soldiers go to the mining town of Jellyroll which is in threat of being overrun by Bhir'Beli forces. They are to hold the line until reinforcements arrive.

Upon arriving the mine leader tricks them and locks them in one of the mine shafts though, saying they've already made a deal with the Bhir'Belians and handing them over to the invaders (due to arrive soon) will do much to foster relations with them. Leaving them there Jerghonson prays to his moon goddess Luna (chosen upon character creation) who hears his call, appearing as a giant wolf that occupies most of the tunnels. She mauls a lone guard and opens the gate before wandering off. 

Rather than escape, the team digs pit traps in the mine and waits in hiding along side passages. The ambush is successful when the mine leader and Bhir'Beli advance party arrive, and only one Bhir'Beli soldier manages to escape to his horse and flee with incredible speed. Jerghonson then takes the mine leaders head and threatens the remaining Jellyroll citizens who then all scatter and flee, knowing the punishment for treason: it's a lot more than nothing.

Soon enough a new regiment from Partopia arrives and after ascertaining the situation decides its not worth dying over a dead town. They torch it and collapse the mine, sending the PC party back to Partopia where they regroup with the expedition team who have also returned with a good haul of artifacts. It is at this time that Captain Tamir informs all of them that Emperor Julian has been assassinated, and the previously allied lords of Aeternea are now making claims for the throne. They will back their patron, Praetor Artorias, and their new duty is to collect funding and support from as many people as they can. Aah easily convinces her stepfather Governor Quintus to help.

On their way out of the city they defend a young girl being pursued by stake wielding assailants and the last attacker, a man named I'lbakstabyo who works for Numero Uno ("god" of the very oppressed Numerologist religion) claims the "girl" is a vampire who has taken the form of the child which it killed. A house guard of the girl recognizes her and takes her back to her family though, and while the team try to warn the guard of potential vampy-ness he remains unmoved and they are unwilling to do more - apart from take I'lbakstabyo to jail.

They're also approached by a woman who claims to be the widow of thief King Autolycus who asks them to get the gem of the Crocagator located in his vault, be returned to her. She's afraid she'll be killed if she goes after it herself and gives the team instructions how to get there via a secret door in the sewers. Beyond they are surprised to find a Crocagator temple with worshipers that Jerghonson manages to befriend with tales he heard about their predecessor Testikles of the fisher people. They opt out of the mission deciding the widow is too shady for their liking.

More than Nothing: Black Vale Expedition

[Part of the Party Time journal]

After more weeks of police work the team save a pregnant woman being chased by some idiotic thugs that keep yelling "Pale-dogs!" (their gang name). The woman thanks them for the save and continues on her way to the temple of Koochikoo while the others track down the Paledog leader in a run down house in the city. He reveals they were paid to slay the woman with the still moist offertory box from the temple itself, so they quickly rush there to find the very lecherous priest Carpef organizing some "friends" to take care of her. All the bad guys are arrested and Carpef admits that he needs the woman killed because he had a vision her baby (his child) would bring about the end of the world. But he couldn't kill her himself because he's devout!?

They are then joined by new recruits (all the survivors from the prison) to join caravaner Jhonen's archeological expedition to find treasure for Praetor Artorias, and Jhonen guarantees they'll find more than nothing. They first stop at Thorsen, a filthy pig farm, where a young woman named Jalla asks to join the mission - because she hates it there. Her father Rorke is against this but Ughh makes him back off. 

While traveling alongside a river Aah goes to save a drowning person only to find its a trap by a quartet of great river cats with hands for tails and human voices! Unfortunately the cats didn't count on there being so many soldiers and Jerghonson leads the militia to bash them to death before they can do anything.

Upon entering the Black Vale, bitterworm has spoiled over 70% of the caravan rations and the dark mountain men that live here move their flocks away but send a scout to keep tabs on them. It is a temple of theirs to their god Popeta that Jhonen wants to uncover, and sure enough near a mountain summit the 30 extra miners uncover a belfry they can descend (which saves a lot of digging)!

Jhonen, 5 soldiers, Ughh and Aah rappel down with the miners where they find an odd looking altar - a humanoid form above what seems to be a hand, and sudden movement in the surrounding ash reveals many "hands" / handspiders that come to attack them - with one managing to climb up a miner and puppeteer him! The hands are of little threat with the organized defenders though.

The defense upstairs is good too, led by Mamita and Jerghonson the mountain men's pincer attack raid is easily foiled (despite losing four men) when they kill over half the attackers in one combat round, routing the enemy immediately!

More than Nothing: Partopian Police

[Part of the Party Time journal]

Having been arrested and stripped of all gear, the teens find themselves in an arena with seventeen other prisoners in a trial by combat against four sabretooth cats! Ughh spends most of his time convincing the other NPCs to fight while Jerghonson makes the cats hit each other while Aah and Mamita dextrously do acrobatics to avoid them. Ultimately, all the cats are slain and the eight survivors (the four PCs, their friends Waywocket and Rowina, and previous race contestants Yuriet and Crixus) are congratulated by Praetor Artorias who then recruits them into his army so that they can be more than nothing. 

It is night time, beneath a handful of stars, when the recruits officially graduate and are given clubs and blue tunics. Captain Tamir tells them that Aeteran Emperor Julian is in need of man power in a war against the hordes of Bhir'Beli to the South, so the new recruits will serve as the Partopian police force while veteran soldiers are sent off to battle. 

Their first few missions are simple affairs: clearing out a blockage in the sewer caused by some whack job trying to make bigger rats, find the stolen offering box from the temple of Koochikoo (stolen by the simple groundsman who wanted to impress a girl but the girl then tossed it in the river, Ughh makes her go swim for it), and being temporary prison guards to an underground jail where incarcerated criminals were recently vanishing (one of the locked up people was a shape shifting slime, eating the others in their sleep - set on fire by Aah after Ughh discovers it).

They also retrieve a wagon for caravaner Jhonen from some bandits who pose as farm hands who are no match for the team that have a surprisingly cinematic fight sequence with them (the players tell me what they do and the dice decide if it works or not, I only decide the effectiveness of the action or the repercussions for failure).

Plot armor was used this time (mainly in the arena)!

Jerghonson had a sibling Jimgonson who was always his biggest rival as he was much wiser, claiming "you're not smart enough to read my books!"

Mamita always had a hard time making friends because she's smarter than them.

Ughh has a story when his caretakers lost him in a forest as he was "hiding in the shadows". Ever since that time could merge with the shadows as long as no one is looking.

Aah was a street orphan but she was taken in by Governor Quintus. While delivering vegetables for Quintus to a market stall one day she gave some to a beggar figuring they wouldn't be missed.

Dark Souls: The Fourth Knight

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

The bird dropped me off where it originally picked me up, and the place looked exactly how I remembered it. Except there were a few more hollows now. And some of those knight guys. And the floor where I originally fought the fat demon to escape broke underneath me, making me fight ANOTHER fat demon. This one had no chance though as I was far too good now. I was a little sad that I had to slay Sir Estus, now a hostile hollow, but had no such feelings for the other knights who now patrolled the halls.

Here's your reward for helping me at the start...

In my old cell I found a strange doll which mentioned something about a magical painting. I knew exactly where that was! While digging through my pack I also find another key I hadn't used yet so I returned to Artorias' Arena and up some stairs to a locked tower I completely neglected before. Within I found the fourth "elite" knight of the king: Hawkeye Gough, a blind giant who has retired from dragon hunting and instead now makes wooden sculptures.

He talks a bit about the past, and that dragon slaying is the highest calling for any knight (given that Gwyn's army caned almost all of them). He asks if I am hunting the black dragon, Kalameet. I say yes, and the big guy decides to help out - using his great bow to nail the wyrm as it flies along in the distance. It's not dead though, just grounded. It would be up to me to give the coup de grace.

What a shot - especially for a blind guy!

Dark Souls: Knights of the King

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Must have rabies - look at the crazy eyes!

I awake underneath a tree with only one way to go - a clearing with a not so friendly manticore. After crushing the beast I found myself at a small shrine with a talking shroom named Elizabeth. She tells me Princess Dusk has been kidnapped (that was quick) and like any good Mario I should save the princess! Well, I'm here anyway so why not. The nearby and eerily familiar forest is filled with gardener-type spriggans as well as gigantic knight statues who I opt to stay away from. There's also a black dragon.

After much running I find a quiet area that unlocks some handy elevator shortcuts. A shady guy named Chester is here too, selling some stuff and being a bit of a douche. I'm not the only one who was dragged here he says. I slightly suspect Chester's related to Ser Dick. Anyway, at a nearby Colosseum I witness a strange, beholder head hollow getting thrashed by a mighty knight. Who then sets his sights on me! Turns out this is Artorias the Abysswalker, after the abyss had corrupted him.

I just wanted to return your ring, you psycho.

He is a tough fight because learning all his moves (amazing to watch, less so if it connects) takes some time and more than a few attempts. Ultimately I end up face tanking him with the pyromancy called Iron Flesh. This stunts his DPS enough for me to outlast him and ultimately put him in the ground. After the battle a lady knight named Ciaran appears and gives him a proper burial, asking if I could give her the soul of Artorias. Since I sense a connection there I hand it over and she gives me her twin daggers in exchange - stating she wouldn't need them any more.

Turns out this was the Lord's Blade Ciaran, one of the four best knights of the King (Gwyn, I assume). I had already met (and slain) two of the others: Artorias and Ornstein.

Dark Souls: Darkest Dungeon

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Where there are knights there are kings, and I soon found a great pit that led to their domain: the Abyss. Fortunately I had the ring of Artorias "the Abysswalker" which let me survive simply being in the endless black void. Where'd I get it? From his pet wolf - Sif. See what I can learn just be reading item descriptions? :P

The Kings of nothing. Literally. Just look at that screenshot.

There are four kings down here, and the fight is more a DPS race than anything else which makes it pretty straight forward. Upon slaying all four I am rewarded with my third lord soul. My next stop would be an even darker place though: the tomb of giants which is at the bottom of the catacombs I got the Rite of Kindling from before. Annoyingly I couldn't warp to the bonfires there, which meant getting there the long way on foot.

Using Solaire's bright bug on my head (yes, I'm not sure that's so appealing given it drove him mad) illuminates a small radius though - enough for me to get by when I finally reach that place and true to its name - is filled with giant skeletons who do equally giant damage. Since fighting all of them on precarious ledges and fallen pillars in the dark is not very appealing, I opt to run past and thankfully come across the safety of a bonfire! A familiar, bald spear-wielder is here too. "What, you again?" Patches exclaimed.

He was peering down a deep looking pit and asked if I could help him get the treasure below. Like a dunce I said "Sure!" and peered over the edge only to have the bastard push me down into it.

I am so killing you later.