Ted

Stuffed toys grow up too.

This is the story of how an ordinary guy has to choose between his life long best friend and his long time girl friend. It just so happens that one of them is a magical, living teddy bear. This cameo filled comedy is not one for kiddies though as the obscenity meter is pretty high, which is odd for a flick that has a pretty nice music backing it. There are a number of hilarious moments, but those are also tempered with jokes that reference other movies and shows that may go overhead for some.

Now I know it was the intent of the plot to make the main male characters a bit douche baggy, but for me it pushed it to the point where I wasn't cheering for them anymore. I actually caught myself hoping that they would fail and die miserably, and was liking the cameo characters better which is always a bad sign. Fortunately they -somewhat- redeem themselves in the third act, but not quite enough for my tastes. All up, I give Ted two and a half stuffings out of five and have no desire to watch it again.

Right back at ya, Ted.

Tales of the Blight: He's a Dog

[Part of my Dragon Age: Origins play through. Spoilers ahead!]

I awoke in Flemeth's hut, with her hot daughter tending my wounds. Alistair and Quickly are there too, apparently saved by Flemeth's magic somehow. Too bad for Ted, he was left to die. As we might possibly be the last grey wardens in the land we're tasked with using those papers (old treaties) to unite everyone and raise an army against the ever growing darkspawn army. I totally try to worm my way out of it but Alistair is such a whiner so I have to go along. Flemeth's daughter Morrigan is also sent along, much to her dislike but hey, we needed a replacement for Ted.

First stop is the little settlement of Lothering where we almost immediately come across some highwaymen asking for a toll on the bridge (fucking trolls). I tell them that grey wardens should be exempt but this only excites them as apparently Loghain put a bounty out on us and battle ensues. They are soon begging for their lives since they didn't realize Quickly has a stun-lock howl so I take the opportunity to get more info out of them before executing them for the worthless pieces of excrement they are.

They aren't the only bandits nearby and between them and some wild life that needs hunting, Quickly's abilities really shine in getting the team out of dire predicaments! These tasks net us some good coin which I spend on the honest merchant nearby, the one the refugees are complaining is selling things too high. That's just the business of supply and demand folks. Morrigan agrees, while Alistair shoots me a glance of non-approval. This makes Quickly all the more awesome. He doesn't really give a stuff about that. He's a dog. :P

Dogs in game are always awesome. They don't poop!

Tales of the Blight: All According to Plan

[Part of my Dragon Age: Origins play through. Spoilers ahead!]

Upon arrival at Ostagar I am soon tasked with getting the other recruits, Daveth the rogue, Ser Jory and Alistair the templar (technically not a recruit) together for a "joining ritual". Well, that sounds dirty. First up is a fetch quest of blood of darkspawn, which is easy given the number of the things around, and old papers which we find with swamp resident Flemeth and her daughter who hand them over with no issues.

Back at camp it's stage two - the drinking phase, from a ludicrously huge cup! Daveth goes first and dies. Yep. It can prove fatal. Jory freaks out and doesn't want to drink so Duncan guts him instead. Lucky last I obviously survive and become a true Grey Warden initiate. Would sure be a quick game otherwise! Anyway it's soon time to battle that dark spawn horde and the plan involves the brash, glory seeking King Cailan (and the other Grey Wardens) to lure the bad dudes into position where General Loghain's forces can then charge down their flank. Fool proof!

Alistair and I (*woof!*) ... and Quickly ... are tasked with lighting the beacon atop the nearby tower to signal when Loghain should charge. Only problem is no one actually checked the tower before the battle and when we get there it is crawling with darkspawn. Fortunately a mage of the circle, who I call "Ted", joins us as we fight our way all the way to the top, defeating a towering ogre guarding the beacon fire. With the bacon lit... mmm bacon... I mean... beacon, Loghain gives the order...

Sound the retreat!

Wait did they change the plan on us? Looks like no one told the King either as we get a good view of him, Duncan, and the rest of the "bait team" getting slaughtered. Before we can contemplate what's going on, more darkspawn show up and knock us out. Damn you uncontrollable cinematic battles.