TESO: Unfriendly Terrain

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Malabal Tor is perhaps my least favorite zone in the game so far. The cliffs and forest make the zone bloody annoying to navigate, exacerbated with the amount of back and forth travel required by the local quests. While there was a Redguard incursion, the main foes along the shore consist of pirates, some of whom are in talks of alliance with the Worm Cult and the Imperial Empire.

Which also includes bad breath Daedroths.

More troublesome are the orcs already in league with the Worm Cult, who are trying to summon Malacath to Nirn - a plan I obviously put to an end with some assistance from Malacath's nemesis, Boethiah. The overall bad dude here is "the hound", and his houndsmen of Hircine.

If you thought "werewolves" then you are right. Lots of them. Of course it is more difficult chasing the scum down than it actually is killing him, but I am elated regardless afterwards because it means I can finally leave this annoyingly designed zone. Side note: How is it that giant wasps make zero noise despite constantly flying? Stealth magic?

TESO: All these People Suck

Adventures of Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

While King Emeric recovers from his death in Bangkorai (lol) I head to Rivenspire next where there is a civil war afoot. Normally I'd let these people just kill each other but when it becomes clear the dominant Montclair faction is composed of vampires I definitely have to intervene. Just to semi complicate matters there are three "good" vampires too, but its because of their leader and an Ayelid doohickey atop Mount Doom "the Doomcrag" that this whole thing started. I am also annoyed to learn that this vampire is one of Emeric's closest friends. What sort of King lets vampires wander around? What a douche.

It comes complete with aircraft warning lights!

Ultimately I kill all the bad vampires and the lead "good" one sacrifices himself to remove the ayelid relic (that can just change people into vamps via gas) from the Doomcrag. How? By giving himself and the WMD to Molag Bal, who takes it into Coldharbour. WHAT? That's not a F*ING SOLUTION! Emeric himself shows up after the fact and then asks me to choose from the remaining surviving candidates on who should become overlord of this region, because having many equal people didn't work. I pick the devout and peace loving Baroness as to weaken the Covenant as much as possible.

In the process I also beat up a cave full of orcs (a rarity here) and prove to Malacath, the daedric prince they worship, that all orcs are worthless pieces of shit. In town I also am  surprised to find Captain Kaleen, stripped and tortured in a basement no less. Seems like the kinky Redguard spy she was hunting turned the tables on her. After helping her kill the bastard I take her back to the docks. I was headed there anyway to gain passage to the Alik'r Desert anyway. During this I notice that in all the scuffles with those vampires, one managed to get me good on my arm.

I'm sure it's nothing.

The Bastardly Guards of Markarth

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the whole story here!

After closing a magical rupture and a short visit to Markarth which involved the usual guards attacking me throughout the city, Esbern, Athis, spy chick and I all decide to go locate Sky Haven Temple. What an awesome name. Doing so involves fighting through a large Forsworn camp and just for added fun a blood dragon attacks at the same time too. Somehow we all survive despite me clearly seeing spy girl and Athis being "killed". No matter. The two blades decide to chillax there while Athis and I return to Whiterun. Since he survived this rotation I let him take a break and continue adventuring with Ria the not so rookie now.

Up at the Throat of the World we meet the Grey Beard's leader Paarthumax who sounds a bit like Optimus Prime. His appearance also startles me and I accidentally shoot him a bit before he introduces himself. Fortunately he ignores my earlier attacks. After a nice chat involving plotting the downfall of the main bad dragon, I return to Riften with all my collection tasks complete and immediately become Thane there. My new housecarl Iona is stuck with guard duty for now since the place is crawling with theives. Ria and I also go to help an orc chief slay a giant leader in the name of Malacath. On the way we find a stray dog fighting a dragon, and after slaying the winged serpent the mutt decides to tag along. Turns out that it was a very bad decision on it's part as it, the orc chief and Ria were all smashed to pieces in the giant's lair.

Back in Riften I hire the spellsword Marcurio who thinks he is the bomb. He has some talents to back up this claim as he single handedly defeated a skeever army and crazy skeever man, survived an attack from THREE dragons simultaneously (we could only kill the frost dragon before the other two fled), helped defeat the funny named lich "Otar the Mad", and helped save the city of Markarth from an elder dragon that attacked it while we were there. Our reward for doing so? The guards attacked us again, and they killed Marcurio via arrow pincushion method.

Poor Marcurio, we hardly knew thee.
I hoofed it up to my house in the stone city when I could shake them off me. I wonder if the idiots ever thought of looking for me in here? Anyway I figured my odds of escaping would be better during nightfall (can't fast travel out of the city) so I took a nap to wait for dusk. Seems someone had other ideas though, because when I woke up I was no longer in the city but in a shack with three hostages and one representative from the Dark Brotherhood. She wants me to kill one of them. I wasn't going to, but the Khajit turned out to be a prick and in my mind had it coming anyway. Looks like I've made a new friend and she invited me into her little murderous clan. Once I got into their HQ I proved I really belong by trying to murder every single one of them. Alas they were ALL protected by threads of fate. Damn cheaters.