After but a few days of Jarling Whiterun (Jarling: Sitting on the throne and pretending to be important), a courier came with interesting news of land being sold at Falkreath that I couldn't pass up, because property is always a good investment! One short trip and 5,000 gold later I had the deed to the land in my hand. B.T. and I also met Rayya, a Redguard housecarl gifted to me by Falkreath's Jarl. She was totally jealous of B.T. though and refused to join.
How can they even see?
Before we could even step out of town we were set upon by a pair of odd looking cultists, and after suffering a swift end I discovered that they were sent by something named Miraak from someplace called Solstheim. Probably need to think through what you write down on paper, bad guys! I opted to take a look at my new land first though and found... nothing. I'd have to -construct- a house! Whaaaat?
Instead of doing that I decided to visit Riften first, as I'd also received a letter recommending I try adoption. It was immediately clear that I wasn't a suitable candidate. Fortunately my trip wasn't wasted, as the town came under bandit attack just as we were leaving. Rallying almost the entire town into the battle, the bandits (who were led by two imperial soldiers), were cut down to the last man.
At that point I decided it was time to see where those cultists came from, and hopped on a boat to Solstheim. Guess I should mention that due to my continued absence, the people of Whiterun elected a new Jarl on their own. :P