Double Dragon: Kiss of the Dragon and Dragon Eyes

Kiss of the Dragon

It pays to run a background check on someone before you frame them for something.

Liu (Jet Li) is an undercover cop sent to Paris to assist the police there with some undercover sting operation. Things quickly go South when he is framed by the corrupt cops and spends the rest of the movie a wanted man in a foreign land. I quite like the story in this one as it is one of those rare action flicks where there is no traditional love story to get in the way. Jet Li is in good fighting form here and all parties involved are on the higher than average acting scale for me. This movie also holds one of my favourite fight scenes of all time, which is Jet Li vs "the twins", one of whom is played by Cyril Raffaelli.

Cyril vs Jet

No it's not a flawless movie by any means. Liu's ninja mastery is a little too good to be believed, being able to suddenly escape from what I would think are "challenging" locations, his funky use of acupuncture needles, and his magical shield which somehow protects him from bullets. You also have to question the final part where he simply decides to go on an all out attack. Probably could have done that a lot sooner dude! Still it's a decent action flick and one I give three spinning kicks out of five. Definitely would like to watch it again!

~~~

Dragon Eyes

The best way to make friends is to beat them up.

Hong (Cung Le) is an excon trying to clean up the town of St. Jude from all the gangs, by beating them into submission. That's the whole "meat" of the story right there, and while Peter Weller makes for a good "bad guy", Cung is not charismatic enough to carry the film, nor is his fighting style "pretty" to watch. It's mostly just beat downs with no form which while probably being more realistic, is not as entertaining. The pointless opening credits with a car filler sequence should have been a hint.

Can you check if I stepped on some gum?

But, Van Damme is there right? Yes, in what seems to be an extended flashback cameo where he mentors Cung Le on how to fight. Doesn't look like you taught him how to do the split kick, Jean Claude. The editing is slightly wonky here too, which I think is intentional to disguise that there's not actually much going on.

Unfortunately what little story there is also makes no sense as gangs quickly concede leadership to Hong, who apparently is a skilled burglar though we never see him actually burgle anything, and almost everyone either forgets to use guns, or capitulated with Hong's "leadership decision" to stop using them. Eh?

After finishing with an abrupt end I could only feel pity, as this probably could have been something much better than what it turned out to be. Unless you are a martial arts buff that likes Cung Le then you'd best be skipping this movie. I can only give it one sparring session out of five and do not want to see it again.

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (Disney, 1996)

[Post #17 of the Blaugust Challenge!]

Hidden away in the bell towers of Notre Dame is the disfigured Quasimodo, a monster with fricking strong arm muscles, a great singing voice, and a heart of gold. He longs to mingle with the rest of the people in Paris but is rightly afraid that he'd be treated as an outcast so he instead spends his days looking down on them with only his (possibly imaginary) gargoyle friends to keep him company. A string of events lead him to meet the gypsy Esmeralda, who becomes his first true non-gargolye buddy. Alas, gypsies aren't tolerated for very long within the city as the main villain,  Judge Frollo quite enjoys setting them on fire.

That is a -very- rough outline of the movie's setup, and to be honest I was a bit surprised at how well all the main characters are developed. Being a Disney movie there's a LOT of singing, a lot of comedy, a fair bit of dancing, and a very light violence. I'm just curious as to why the movie wasn't titled "Esmeralda" as she is the main crux upon which Judge Frollo, Quasi and Phoebus (my favourite dude) revolve around. Basically they all want to get into her pants. Go DISNEY! :P

There's even a pole dance sequence!

I guess I should also mention that with Notre Dame taking center stage there are a few songs and themes involving religion, in case that should bother anyone. Last thing I want to talk about is the animation. For the most part it's very good as per usual for Disney but there's a little bit near the start where I felt they were using what I call "reserved animation" too much. The city is made with layering paintings and the animated characters in between them didn't quite seem to gel. That's quickly fixed in the next 4/5ths of the movie though so I just found it odd they didn't fix it fully. Regardless I thought it was a very enjoyable and entertaining flick and give it four bells out of five.

Blaugust Bonus: I go to mass every week. Never been to Notre Dame though. When I was very little I actually wanted to become a priest! That wouldn't have worked out so well I think, the world doesn't need another psycho preaching to the masses. Sooo, instead I setup a blog to do exactly the same thing. LOL. 

Generation 14 Tips - O brawling love, O loving hate

Welcome to the next segment of Shakespeare's story-arc, this time dealing with Romeo and Juliet. It is very similar to the previous generation in that everything is solo, you have to read fast (if you haven't read "Romeo and Juliet" before), there are some nice cut scenes and it's still pretty easy. Here's a quick rundown of the combat parts!

Act I - Can't Choose Your Family
Ironically harder if done on lower levels, you will side with each of the families (you turncoat!) for 1.5 minutes each and have to keep 5 dudes on your side alive through out. Go for any opponents with spotlights first, followed by supporting any friendlies in danger and you should be OK. Enemies re-spawn when all of them are slain so if you can keep one alive a little longer it could help.

Act II - Shakespeare loves Skeletons
Romeo has a mini-sneak mission here but it's nowhere as hard as following Claudius. Just avoid the guards and make your way up the stairs. Later you'll also meet Verona Dark Skeleton soldiers, who are basically normal single-aggro skeletons with passive defenses. Just smash and windmill (they can windmill back) as you see fit. If you need practice just run through Rabbie normal again but by now you should know what you are doing. Used to be a panther mini-boss here too but since it was too difficult (pfft I beat it with my main and my mules) it was removed.

Act III - Stabby Stabby
Epic RP duel takes place between Romeo (you) and Tybalt who outclasses you with more HP and passive defenses. Good test of your skill as a player here and if you are competent should win in one or two tries. Afterwards it is more Verona skelies for you, but this time you have to protect a nurse. They're trying to make you rush into doing the wrong thing but there's an easy counter for it. Trans and Demi then destroy those bones with ease. What's the point of them if you don't use it right?

A bit like zombie farm! :P

Act IV - Gardening with the Undead
Somewhat dangerous mission now, as soon as you enter you will be multi-aggroed by one of the skeletons and a verona ghoul (poisonous, has windmill) or verona ghost (most dangerous) of the set. You need to fend off the attackers but try to leave one of them alive while you harvest herbs or they'll all respawn. Use pets to distract opponents if needed. If a panther shows up you may want to exit the mission as they can be very problematic. If you are far away and have a snake you can easily kill it with poison and patience though. Definitely trans and demi while running this mission regardless. Afterwards you get to meet the 2nd guardian and all you need to do is run away as you are scripted to lose. :P

Act V - Road to Suicide
It's Romeo's turn to harvest herbs but again the damn skeletons are here. Try harvest first if possible before eliminating them. Windmill spam works best. Afterwards he gets an RP duel against Paris, who is a lot like Tybalt. However Paris is very aggressive which makes him easy to catch with counter. Once the lovers are out of the way the 2nd guardian will reappear. He's even easier than the reaper. To evade the majority of the attacks stand behind him or just shoot the slow bastard to death. My mule giant had no problem using basic knuckes on the thing though and seriously just punched him to death and drinking potions everytime he took a hit.

Golvan's De Ja Vu
The first of the extra stories you can do after completing Act V, it sees you running two long and dangerous missions to return a book to a stupid paper cutout - twice! Coill will have things you've already encountered previously along with possibly poisonous snakes and giant versions of opponents you've already faced. The big guys, much like ancient titled critters outside, can take more hits and dish out more damage but they have exactly the same AI as their smaller counterparts so don't freak out. The boss lady is pretty tough and can summon fire sprites (ironic given she's made of paper) so you may want to lure her away with ranged. I highly recommend trans/demi against her too, at least the first time around. If you feel you can take her without either on your second pass, go for it. Lastly, it's usually stupid to drink from the fountains so don't. :P

The stage dungeon segment poses it's own problems. The snowfield spiders multi-aggro and have a bunch of HP but if you lure them one at a time you should be able to neutralize them easily, just like the trolls. Giant Spider can be handled with smash-mill if it's alone but you should save your trans/demi (or plan to use a second one) against the giant troll as he is quite dangerous, and the giant castle golem after him even more so. Shadow spirit will help keep them stuck in place while you cane them so I hope you've been eating the souls of your enemies.

Ascon's Sadness
The second extra mission revolves around an old man's past. This is the first mission where your replies to the NPCs can change a few things but nothing major will be affected so just pick whichever you want.
After getting beat up in Ascon's RP mission you'll eventually find yourself working for the Rich Man of Emain Macha. First run is through Coill with denizens you've already met, as a bonus you can bring a full party and will probably be faster with a few extra hands. The boss is a Giant Ice Sprite who can be very deadly if you let it cast Ice Spear. Take care of its companion sprites then demi/trans up and smash that heavily armored freak. If you brought a team you can just take turns smashing but make sure -you- land the final hit so you can claim the jewelry pouch.

Second job is a solo run through Rundal to capture a kid cyclops. Again, nothing new for you here - just mixed groups of the same old stuff till the boss room. There's an entire cyclops family in there and while you can try just tame the kid cyclops and run, I prefer to make it an oprhan first by luring the others one by one and slaying them with demi/trans. Obviously if you kill the kid or run out of taming bait you'll need to re-run this dungeon. The Rich guy gives you free baits if he doesn't detect you have any in your pack, so just drop what you have and ask him for more before heading for the dungeon.

Might be a cousin in Morrowind.