Friday, 11 January 2013

Girl Power!

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

On the way into Markarth (to try find more adventurers) I got a letter from Gunmar saying that there was a vamp parading around in plain sight in the city that needed slaying. Guess he magically knew I was headed this way? We find the red eyed bastard easy enough so I tell Sparrow to use his "master wizardry" to kill the dude in one shot. Sparrow refuses because he's really just a whiny little brat. Fine, I instead tell him to lay low while I snipe the mark. My arrow lands right into the vamp's face but he is still standing, dazed and not quite sure what hit him since we are stealthed quite a ways away. Then my genious hireling decides to charge, yelling and casting the brightest spells known to man attracting the attention of I'm guessing every single guard in the city. Moral of the story: SPARROW IS AN IDIOT. I let the guards gang rape him while I finished off the vamp at which point the "master wizard" (who I think got confused between wizard and wanker) was eviscerated at the meat stand and all the guards turned their attention to me.

With them swarming I was pushed back into the tavern where as luck would have it an adventuring party of five bosmer gals were present - and I learned later that they too had felt the not-so-gentle touch of the guards during their stay here. They decided to help me outright (way better than my previous companion) and the tavern erupted into battle, arrows and blood flying everywhere. Some of the civilians also became casualties in the mayhem and in the end every single guard was dead (and stripped - I do that to all my enemies) as well as all but one of the bosmer gals named Maeci. We got out of that city quicksmart and pushed on to Falkreath where the guards were again very welcoming (ie. not). A young archer named Chelsea was here but she was just old enough not to be called a kid so I told her to stay put while I went and talked to the Jarl about his guards.

Girl Groups - always a good distraction.

Surprisingly the Jarl is very pleased with me, so why the hostility? Turns out his number one guardsman is an Imperial supporter, based on his armor. The burly man actually tries to fight me - laughable. Knowing he's not worth my time I let Maeci, who is half his weight and a head shorter, duel him. She guts that loser easily, right infront of a smirking Jarl. I kinda like the old guy now. Anyway we continue on to Riverwood where the guards are even MORE aggressive (they don't ask for my surrender now) and again we're forced to permanently subdue them. A Vigilant of Stendarr named Aluna helps us do this, and afterwards says that the Jarl of Whiterun has been hiring kidnappers to get girls from neighbouring towns for his own pleasure and must be stopped. WHAT? Looks like he is to be my next target... Jarl Bossman, This time fate will not protect you!

However at the tavern my plans are altered when I meet another adventurer, a pink haired she-knight named Lighting (yes that's how it was spelled) killing a random Orc in the tavern. She says she has been tracking a large group of daedric worshiping orsimer from the southern regions - probably the same bunch I heard about before - somewhere on the plains around Whiterun. They ravaged her village and she's out for revenge. Must be a small army to be able to just chaotically march through the lands though - especially Thalmor controlled lands. Must be something else behind their sudden appearance.

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