Spartan: Ultimate Team Challenge and The Final Table

Competing as teams!

Spartan: Ultimate Team Challenge (Season 1)

I've never seen the original Spartan games, but in this format three squads each made up of two men, two women and one ranked spartan (from the solo version) race through an obstacle course using fitness and teamwork. Three races take place each episode, but they only show the "featured" race followed by the finals race where the two winners of the earlier races are joined by the 2nd place team with the fastest time. I guess even the producers realized that showing people doing the same things over and over could get repetitive but thankfully the teams have enough charisma to keep viewers engaged for eight episodes. Netflix doesn't have season two available so maybe they too thought "eight episodes of this is enough for anybody".

The Final Table

In this show 24 established chefs from around the world work in pairs to prepare the best dish based on whatever cuisine the current episode is focused on, judged by celebrities and foodies from that same region. The three worst dishes then compete using the selected featured ingredient of the region and makers of the worst dish are eliminated. It's a fast format which is pretty neat, but its only the final four that ever have to compete individually. Recommended for Masterchef fans but as the episodes are on the longer side, I suggest watching at 1.25x speed (it makes their knife skills superhuman too lol).

Warframe: Nidus and Styanax

The infested and the hoplite.

Nidus

While the component blueprints of Nidus are just behind a grindy RNG mission, his main blueprint is only rewarded at the end of the Glast Gambit quest which involves numerous games of "the Index", easiest described as grid iron but with coins, guns, warframes, and lots of violence. It also demands hundreds of thousands of credits per game which you will default if and of your games ends in a loss. Prep well before attempting, or bring friends (but they too must risk their own credits). I left this mission alone till after New War.

Once you build this infested mass that parades around as a warframe you will notice he has no shields, but that's ok because he is freakishly tough regardless and all his powers grow the more mutation "stacks" he accumulates and at 15 stacks, he can ignore death (once). He can use ranged tendrils to pull enemies to one spot, stomp to increase stacks based on number of enemies he hits, link himself to an ally to strengthen them or to an enemy so that they take any damage he would instead and lastly he can summon a swarm of maggots to eat everything. Lovely. Let's not forget that contact with a Nidus also spreads those Helminth cyst things to other warframes - easily cured but worth pointing out.

Yep, he can be very strong BUT this is very reliant on him "warming up" those mutation stacks of his which work best in a defense type situation. It is also reliant on your allies letting you infect enemies to power up. This is what killed it for me, as most other frames are "drop in and kick ass". Here it feels like I need five minutes of stretching before doing anything, so ... nope to Nidus for me.

Styanax

As of this post the Styanax is the latest warframe introduced into the game and if you logged in on his release you'd have gotten him for free. If not, its ok - just do the Veilbreaker quests and challenges to earn the currency needed to buy his parts. With a good amount of shields and armor this warrior kicks ass right away. He can taunt the enemy while letting all friendlies regenerate energy and shields, he can throw his physical shield(s) to repel baddies and armor strip them which also heals him, throw a spear to impale an enemy on terrain - which then creates a black hole that pulls other baddies close before exploding, or my favourite - throw multiple barrages of javelins from the air to absolutely deck anything unlucky enough to get in your way.

You can move and aim while doing that last one, and its better airborne where you really feel like you are unleashing missile hell on those below. It looks really pretty from a spectators viewpoint too. Alas, "warrior" is a role pretty much most of the other frames already fill so while there's nothing really wrong with the Styanax, he's really more just a matter of preference - and I ultimately preferred frames that I've been using for a longer time.

AC Odyssey: Most Wanted

[Part of the AC Odyssey journal]

From atop his horse Exekias could see a ragged group of workers frantically set about repairing the Adrestia, beached upon a hidden cove. Despite the improvements that had been made on the ship, the Athenian Navy, bolstered by mercenary vessels, triumphed against it and the invading Spartans. Judging from the damage, the Adrestia barely escaped.

Dual simultaneous boarding is the best type of boarding!

A loud horn and a pillar of smoke over the hill caught the rider's attention as he kicked his horse into a trot. It was a signal flare of the nearby fort and most likely caused by the Eagle Bearer having been detected there. Sure enough, soldiers and mercs were scurrying up onto the battlements when Exekias arrived. Most just ended up falling back down as corpses. The warrior was happy enough to wait below.

When it finally stopped raining bodies, the Eagle Bearer leaped down and suddenly noticed the helmed rider quietly watching him.  While numerous mercenaries occupied the lower tiers, only one person was classified as tier 1 - Exekias the Legend, the most renowned warrior in all the land.

"Malaka," swore Alexios under his breath.

Insight: It pays to upgrade your boat, and a good way to get resources is to buy them from each blacksmith you encounter. They are available at the end of the "to buy" list.

300 / 300: Rise of an Empire

This is SPARTA!

"300" follows the story of King Leonidas, from his childhood when he is brain washed and trained like the rest of his male kin to become fearless warriors and focuses more upon his command of three hundred Spartans defending a narrow pass against the uncountable armies of Xerxes, the incredibly tall and gifted with a poor sense of fashion. The plot has a narrator which is forgivable for me in how it is used here, and it also calls for a lot of violence, decapitation, awesome FX and combat routines and a tiny bit of sex.

They probably deserved some Maccers after training to look like that!

But what it has the most is: slow motion capture. Yep. That dude getting hit by a spear? Slow mo! This guy getting hacked to pieces? Slow mo. Sex Scene? Slow mo. Guys walking / traveling from point A to B: Slow mo. That last one irritated me a little as it's basically just filler. Also filler is the majority of Lena Headey's role here. She and the council bit could have been entirely cut or at least been tied in better to the one eyed guy who basically is the one who gets shit done in the end.

Also, while the fighting scenes really take more than a few liberties in that the Spartans hold a phalanx for... oh around 60 seconds in the entirety of the film and spend most of the battle out in glorious solo combat like Highland berserkers, Leonidas' decision to "not use" the hunchback doesn't make sense. Yes, he's no good in a phalanx but that's not exactly what you guys were doing anyway! Still I give this violent and bloody film three and a half swords out of five, and wouldn't mind watching it again.

~-~

The sequel "Rise of the Empire" again makes use of a narrator, not so well this time, and follows the Athenian champion Themistocles (who ironically doesn't have the charisma of Leonidas acting wise). It also acts as an origin story about the war and Xerxes himself, how he was a normal dude before jumping into a magical pool of godliness. Erm? Also, the "bad guys" look less hideous this time around, while the "good guys" are less buff (makes sense since they aren't Spartans) - which also smells a bit like saving some cash for the props and training department.

While most of the combat here focuses on ship to ship combat it is still a brutal and bloody affair. There's also less slow mo which is better for me as you can appreciate the fight choreography more. Alas some of that goes out the window with the feats of jumping, throwing, and magical sniper-archery involved but perhaps the worst plot part is the "we need to put a sex scene in". The scene itself is nice (hello Eva Green!) but just ... story wise, you'll see what I mean. Anywho, I give it two and a half out of five heat-seeking arrows and also wouldn't mind watching it again (though the first one would be preferred).

F*** you, physics.