TYOV: Plague Bearer

[Excerpts from Thousand Year Old Vampire]

Something is wrong with this blood. Is this another trick by the people after me? No, its not them. It's me, and I soon learn I’m the one spreading the disease. I don’t even have to touch the humans, just walking through a crowd soon makes them gag, cough up blood, and get violently ill. This is a perfect time to visit the Iscariot Divisions local headquarters.

Yep, I'm a Hellsing fan.

With my pursuers dealt with I can take the time to enjoy feasting on some villagers during a storm. One of them catches onto me and organizes a posse to chase me down, forcing me to hide in the mud at the bottom of a river. During their victory celebration I sneak back in and steal this hero's sword and his wife.

It is only later that I realize the entire episode with the village was just my imagination. While the village itself was real, none of the inhabitants survived my disease. Nor my hunger.

Finally realizing that I can only truly be free of the rot if I return to being mortal, I spend the next few years searching for a cure and find one offered by a wandering gypsy, suspiciously immune to my illness, in the form of a magic potion. Will this actually work or will it instead destroy me entirely? There is only one way to find out. I uncork the bottle and drink.

And that's the end of Gabriel Sol's story.

Cthulhu: Death May Die - Holy Murder

Some priests are psycho.

A board game session from Cthulhu: Death May Die. 

Victorious from the forest, the investigators John (DL), the Kid (mom), Mario (me) and Arielle (wifey) headed to the nearby cathedral of Father Luke (Juris) to rest up. Alas, this was not to be as one of the other priests had been murdered and the sanctum was now overrun by cultists, ghouls and star vampires!

To break the ritual this time they needed to find the murderer in a possible pool of five NPCs by questioning each one. Focused on that, the team splits up as the Kid uses her magic to clear the initial star vampires before passing out from exertion (catatonic).

Arielle and Mario use the opening to begin questioning suspects while Luke and John deal with a new star vampire and star spawn that emerge from the underground crypts. While it takes awhile to get the information required (since proofs keep flipping back down when the elder one advances) through a process of elimination all signs point to the deacon, whom John executes.

This is correct and interupts the ritual (being wrong is pretty much instant game over), which summons a weakened Cthulhu into battle. After the elder one is bashed down he attempts to flee but takes severe damage from Arielle and the Kid's ranged attacks (who was one step to dying from insanity at the end). Luke attempts to finish off the big bad but rolls a critical fail and only by the love of Jesus manages to survive the counter attack leaving him with one hit point.

It's like this scene from Hellsing Ultimate. Just pretend Alucard is Cthulhu. :P

It is John then who takes it upon himself then to finish off the tentacled monster by using his strengthened bull whip to wrap around its neck and the entry way portcullis machinery to strangle and crush the elder one to death.

MISSION SUCCESS (first try and I really liked the mechanic in this one)!

Insight: When rolling, stars are often good especially for characters with arcane mastery. Not so much against star vampires who instantly damage you if you roll stars when attacking them! Mom had to go easy and cleverly reroll those.

Shadow (2018)

Someone loves umbrellas.

Eager to take control of a city from a rival but allied kingdom, the commander goes against his king's wishes and requests a duel against the rival general for said city. However, a lot more is at play as it soon becomes evident that the commander is just a body double for the real puppeteer behind the scenes...

You need to fight like a girl!

Now here is a movie that tries too hard to be smart. From the mostly monochrome scenes (because "Shadow"!) to all the posturing politics when its clear that the creator just wanted to have a film that features a fight between a guy with a spear versus a guy with an umbrella. The build up is worth it too, as when it comes to the action this part excels, at least in the duel. When magnified by an army of umbrella users it skids past the line of silly.

Still an entertaining flick for action buffs, but don't expect too much more from it in any other department. I give it 2.5 out banners of 5.

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Blaugust Bonus: "How did you get started in content creation?" -Joar

My guild needed a website so I made a really basic one, then I got into a more regular posting regime on my second website which came soon after: "the Hellsing Crucifix" a fan site for the Hellsing anime. Ran out of content to post as that series ended / was delayed so I took up blogging.

Skyrim: The One that Got Away

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Since the basement was a dead end, we decide to try the upper floors of Ravensburg Castle next - finding living mannequins dressed as bandits guarding the floor along with a good number of vampire mistresses and a lich!  We also learn the place is owned by the ridiculously named Count Bran von Lurk who makes his vampirism no secret, given the decor. While raiding his treasury we are jumped by three "devourer of souls" who are surprisingly deadly, managing to behead Braga before they are destroyed.

Excuse me sir, did you know you are on fire?

Finding the basement key, Van Helsing and I return there and find the path guarded by a gigantic skeleton. Van Helsing's magics and his summoned daedra are crushed like ants beneath this behemoth but it proves no match for me. After more vampire mistresses (von Lurk must be a real fox) I stumble upon the most unique companion I've had so far... a headless, tormented soul!

Had to give him a mask so he'd stop freaking me out.

For someone without a head he's pretty efficient at dispatching the wraiths lingering in the underground graveyard nearby (because some things can't be buried deep enough? lol) culminating in a showdown with the Count and his coffin buddy, Lestat. Both are easily slain, but after shanking von Lurk he just laughs an disappears as a fine mist. Damn!

Still, that seems to have banished him from the castle as the once dark and cobwebbed walls are now well lit and shiny! This also ended the torment of "tormented soul" and set him free. With Ravensburg Castle cleared it was time to continue to Riften to finish Braga's bandit hunting quest. I owed her that much at least.

Skyrim: The Bold and the Clueless

Adventures in Skyrim - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Having survived the ascended shrine I returned to Whiterun for some restful Jarling but that wasn't to be as my old student, Braga Clearwater, met with me just inside the gates. She was investigating a recent spike in banditry and asked if I could help. Of course I said yes! Her clues had led her to the local hall of the dead where indeed we found some strange folk hanging around like "Naura the Clueless" and "Manrik the Bold". I let Braga do her thing and we found further correspondence pointing to the Riften Ratway.

By coincidence a courier found us before we left town with a message from the Jarl of Riften, to investigate the (not so) abandoned Ravensburg Castle as bandits have been kidnapping people around it as of late. Since it's on the way we decide "Sure why not". It's pretty hard to miss, and quite devoid of life. The man we meet in the courtyard sets the tone of the place with just his name: Nikolai Van Hellsing. He's been investigating the castle too but has terrible direction sense and hasn't been able to get anywhere. LOL.

Nothing says sneaking like playing the organ at full blast!

Inside the spacious and dark interior we keep hearing a disembodied voice taunting us. It's also a non-standard map in that the doors teleport you around making the place slightly challenging to navigate and giving Van Hellsing's excuse some weight. Fortunately it isn't very well defended. In the basement we find some giant spiders, skeletons and hell hounds who are all bark and no bite. It's the number of key requiring locked doors that really block our path.

Hell hounds: the original hot dogs.

Today I Smiled: Kept Busy!

While I admit it's kinda nice to take a break from not blogging for awhile, it's also slightly annoying as I've got lots of stuff I want to post (regardless if people read it, haha)! Busy at work, busy in the Siege of Neverwinter, busy in Skyrim, and busy watching wonderful TV shows (like Masterchef Australia)!

Still, I thought I'd at least put up some filler content! Have you heard about "Judas goats"? Marked and GPS tagged the feral animals are released and followed back to their very sneaky herds where hunters would promptly kill all but the marked ones, who would then lead the hunters to the next herd (social animal instinct). Their reward? To die alone. And you thought I was cruel!

Still my favorite comment!

There's also another type that has the dubious honor of being made extinct; twice. Yay for cloning! On the topic of killing, how about that new Philippine President who is keen on turning up the death count? Keep in mind he won via an election. I'm not sure if that's progress or going back to the dark ages, but I definitely found a time machine (one I had forgotten about actually), in the Wayback Machine - which had archived bits of one of my first websites: The Hellsing Crucifix.

Ahhh, I loved than anime. Judging from the text, I also loved smileys.

Ok, I still do. :P

Underworld: Rise / Eternal / Awakening

[Day 12 of Blaugust 2015!]

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

A plague on both your houses! Oh... wait...

This prequel movie tells of how the vampires and lycans came to be at war in the first place. Alas, the director opted to put spoilers in for the previous two movies so I can't recommend watching this first - you'll really need to be content to watch it in order, and by doing so you'll kind of already know what happens here. The protagonists this time are Lucian the lycan (Michael Sheen) and the vampiress Sonja (Rhona Mitra) who basically just follow a much more violent and gory version of Romeo and Juliet.

Vampire Lord awesomeness.

That said it is still an entertaining film and being set in medieval times the set pieces and costumes are really cool. What really sells it for me is the inclusion once again of Viktor (Bill Nighy) who is even more bad ass than he was in the previous movies (kinda makes sense). What can I say? He's one of my favorite vampires. Doesn't top Hellsing's Alucard (because that guy is just insanely overpowered) but he's up there on the list.

Anyway I digress, I give Rise of the Lycans three fangs out of five and again recommend it to action fans, especially those that enjoy this setting. As one of those people I wouldn't mind watching this one again.

~~~

Underworld: Eternal War

It's "Eternal" because Selene obviously likes to play with her kills.

This short three piece anime is probably one you haven't heard of, and each section is devoted to Selene hunting down a trio of lycan "lords"? These tales span a huge number of years which again makes watching it out of sequence (has to be after Rise of the Lycans) quite spoilerific. All the events take place in the same city too which is convenient for reusing backdrops. The angular character art gets takes some getting used to as well but it's passable enough with an ok amount of violence and gore.

Selene: What happened to my face?

There are tons of negatives though. The voice actors for most characters are sub par, and really the plot is on the side of being ridiculous. The bad guys clearly have no chance so it's confusing as to why Selene only downs one of them every x number of years when she was killing worse things in the movie at a faster rate. I can maybe let the first encounter slide with the pre-knowledge that the silver bullets were not as insta-fatal as their upgrades but come on.

There's also a scene in a whore house where girls wearing nothing but G-strings are surprised by the entry of a character and in the next shot all of them are armed with automatic rifles firing like mad. Yeah. What the f... Anyway, I give this one fang out of five and declare it as Not Worth Watching!

~~~

Underworld: Awakening
More action, less story.

The humans (who definitely speak English now, thank you Underworld: Evolution for confusing yourself) have learned of the vampires and lycans and have opted to just kill both sides, and they are doing a fantastic job of it managing to capture even Selene (Kate Beckinsale is back). After yet another time skip, Selene awakens in a world where most of non-humans are gone and spends most of her time trying to protect the little girl that set her free.

Seems humans never learn to make smaller air ducts.

I suppose it's worth noting that each movie after the first has a shorter and shorter running time. This one is the quickest movie as there is not a lot going on and most of the plot is predictable, with some exceptions given Selene's new abilities from being powered up in Evolution. They also try to cover up the light plot with tons of violence, which gets a thumbs up from me but I saw what they did there...

As nice as it was to see Kris Holden-Ried  (Dyson in Lost Girl), Charles Dance (Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones) and Theo James (Four in Divergent) all in the same film it simply isn't up to scratch as the rest of the series and I give it two fangs out of five. I still would watch it again but would prefer any of the others first.

Farcry 3: A New Target

[Part of the Diary of a Marked One]

Single-player was just training. Coop mode is where the bad guys really bring the pain! >_<

After a few weeks of hunting the "new" pirate scum, I joined up with two other mercenaries who were equally interested in putting these criminals into the ground - specifically their new captain who we all refer to as "The Captain". We almost caught him at a nearby fishing outpost where we knifed, shot and exploded our way through all opposition but our prey was always one step ahead and ultimately escaped without us ever seeing him in person.

Hopefully it's not -this- captain.

The most memorable parts of the exercise for me were rescuing a captured boatman who became our transport ally, being freaked out by the pirate attack dogs (who are by far the worst enemies since you are helpless if they get up to you), blowing up a bridge to prevent pirate reinforcements from flanking us (because they can't swim across the rather shallow river apparently) and participating in a quad bike competitive race to see who could put the most explosives at a landslide that was blocking our way. Who says we can't have fun on the job?