Dark Souls II: Keep your Kings close

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

My new sword was great, but Vendrick's sword was still bigger. He kept killing me and I kept coming back for more to the point where the baddies in between the bonfire and his boss chamber stopped spawning, just like at the dragon shrine. I don't know why it took me so long to work out but - my mistake in this fight turned out to be EVADING. Or at least, evading at the wrong time (vertical attacks = wrong time).

It's always the simplest solutions...

Instead of rolling, or blocking (because, good luck with that) I just needed to run and be point blank to the old king at all times. With that strategy, I probably would have won with a dagger *face palm*. Strangely Vendrick didn't drop a crown, not that it mattered much to me. I headed back to the castle to report to Queen Nashandra only to find she wasn't on her throne.

Curious, I looked around and was joined by Pilgrim Bellclaire, who I suppose was adventuring. It's cool that wearing the king's ring makes all the previously hostile statue knights dormant so we could explore at our leisure. In the basement was a big locked door I totally forgot about. Behind it was the Throne of Want, and the Emerald Herald (erm, how the heck did you get in here). After telling me her real name is Shanalotte, she advises me that Nashandra is going to come after me once I approach the throne. Thanks for the heads up!

Dark Souls II: Size Compensator

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Before facing Vendrick again I thought I'd go explore more of those ash towers, finding I missed huge sections with more ash statues to destroy as well as a chamber full of invading Prowlers which was different. At the top there was also some ancient armor that took me into a memory segment fighting the katana knights again and their lord, Sir "forever" Alonne, a very samurai themed dude wielding a daikatana who turned me into sushi.

Meanwhile at the bottom of the tower was a cave filled with a gauntlet of horrible scum which led to a blue smelter demon. Sunbro Miloradinko tried to help me fight it, but the fiend was just too much with his sword that kept getting bigger. That's what actually gave me the idea: I NEEDED A BIGGER SWORD! Looking through my pack, I found the biggest sword I could wield (a greatsword) and upgraded it as much as I could.

That's what she said.

With this magnificent new weapon I went back to face Mr. Forever Alonne with allies Drifter swordsman Aidel and Steelwilled Lorrie (possibly related to Ellie) and slammed him so hard that he couldn't even down one of us. Next stop was the blue demon, again with Aidel and Lorrie. To his credit the demon slew both my companions, and was close to defeating me too but thanks to my new extended reach - I was the victor. With a crazed grin on my face, I made my way back to the Undead Crypt. This time Vendrick. This time, I'll get you!  

For some reason he's scarier when he's blue.

Dark Souls II: Meat Grinder

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Since I wasn't getting anywhere against Vendrick, I opted to return to the Dragon Shrine and try my luck against the Ancient Dragon again, requiring I beat three giant warriors and Transcendent Edde to reach it. They weren't a problem (though duels with Edde did take a long time). The dragon though, totally stomps. Literally and figuratively. In my mind I could hear the other non-hostile dragon knights snickering at my increasing death count.

Run run run run run!

It got so bad that the enemies on the path stopped spawning (apparently the game detected I sucked that much) which was a slight relief. It didn't stop Gamesting (player) from invading though, and he showed me that parrying still works since he both backstabbed and parry countered me during our little duel. Best I could do was annoy him a tiny bit with turtling. Sigh.

Eventually I managed to find the dragon's weakspot though: the big toes on his hind legs. You can almost control the beast by simply going for those, and once he became predictable - he became defeated soon after. Gahh that was tough! Having finally avenged Bashful Ray I decided to face Vendrick again as a true dragon slayer! And the old guy whooped me with his WTF overhand swing. It's almost like a feint as he begins the attack, or seems to - then waits for your dodge to finish BEFORE slamming the giant sword on your head. FFS. I'm gonna get you Vendrick!

Just like I got this one.

Dark Souls II: The Crown Collector

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

After proving myself to be the "true" Havel cosplayer, I decided to revisit the locked door beneath the Iron Keep finding that I could open it this time and soon found myself standing upon a set of towers covered in ash. This place was home to comparatively weaker ash undead empowered by ash statues, ghost archers, lightning rogues, as well as cowardly bomb carrying goblins who were the foil to the very dangerous giant headless warriors that lurked around.

Odd that explosive ogres worship a flaming torch...

One tower also had flammable half ogres who worshipped a flaming stick, which obviously I needed to steal to "power up" the main tower. Lol. The invader Quicksword Rachel tried prevent this theft but she couldn't live up to her name. Eventually I reach the bottom of the place, finding an ash covered dome protected by four ash statues. After destroying them and activating the nearby bonfire, I stepped through the fog gate and was confronted by the fume knight (possibly named because he's high on fumes) who promptly kicked my butt.

Dude's not good at handling multiple opponents.

The second attempt was much better since brought the ever persistent Ellie and the Sunbro's Zou and Kikimimi. The fume meister killed Zou, but didn't have enough gas to endure the rest of us, leading to his demise. Behind him was a roasted corpse and another king's crown. Awesome. Thank you Zou and Kikimimi! Feeling that I was on a roll, I returned to Vendrick for a rematch ... and got totally p0wned. Damn this guy hits hard.

Dark Souls II: History Lesson

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Thinking upon the dragon's words I warp back to the giant's forest where Ruined Alfis helps me once more to find all the scary looking withered trees that are actually the corpses of giants. During our exploration we clear out a nest of fire breathing salamanders (via sniping) and are attacked by Forlorn again behind a door I missed. Not to be out done, the Eagle Knight also attacks soon after but Alfis and I are too good and they are both brought low.

Especially since I have ordinance.

Using the ashen heart I can enter the memories of the dead giants and find more history about this place. Apparently the giants attacking this place was a direct result of Vendrick taking "the something" for Nashandra from them. Based on the number of giants I fight through, it's a bit of a massacre. Interesting that Benhart of Jugo is present for the war too. I soon find the giant king and slay him easily - since he has the same strategy as the very first giant I fought: nip at the heels until he dies.

Literally bathing in his blood.

From what I learned it's clear Vendrick must pay for his crimes, so I return to the Undead Crypt where Forlorn (now armed with a scythe) attacks again! This guy just doesn't give up! With him dead (hopefully permanently this time) I find that I can enter Vendrick's memory too, and the old king tells me to collect the crowns for some reason. I decide to try take his crown first, and am quickly executed by his gigantic sword with one hit. Oookay, guess I need to level up before facing him too!

Dark Souls II: King's Grave

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

I find a lift down after the frog demon and light another bonfire which EXPLODES! Goddamnit shrubbery! It asks again what I'm going to do once I take the throne and indicates that Vendrick is nearby... in the Undead Crypt. Sigh. Again with the naming. The crypt is guarded by a variety of undead (no kidding), as well as relatives of Sellsword Luet - big guys using twin shields.

Having a party always makes it easier!

Fortunately Devotee Scarlett is down here and between the two of us we smash everything including the Nameless Usurper again (guess she really wanted to kill Vendrick). There's an interesting section with metal bells that when hit, ring loudly to summon evil spirits from standing coffins. It's cute that the minion type foes instinctively go for the bells but the solution is simple: destroy the coffins and the bells can ring all they like.

It's not all bad guys here though, the wight, Gravekeeper Agdayne is quite personable as long as you keep all light sources away from him. He even joins the party to fight a very familiar, towering mace knight. Heyyy isn't this the same guy the ugly siren summons? It takes a few attempts to learn his moves (more importantly the timing) but thanks to Agdayne's sacrifice Scarlett and I defeat him.

Mace guy has some sweet looking armor...

The chamber he was guarding holds Vendrick... the now hollow king. He isn't hostile though, so I am content to just nab his ring and get out of there.

Dark Souls II: Castle Climber

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

At the Castle's main lobby awaited the spirit of Chancellor Wellager who gave more backstory to the now missing King Vendrick. Apparently the King loved his Queen so much that he brought his entire kingdom to war against the giants some time in the past to take something of theirs. I love how vague this all is. Anyway, the war resulted in many deaths and the king walking away from his throne.

"Interesting, you don't mind if I look around and loot the place do you?"

"I don't but the lightning knights might."

The ghost told me to go right ahead. Turns out the statues decorating the halls also doubled as the guards, coming to life when trespassers such as myself were detected. Fortunately by going slow, I could cull them one at a time as I made my way up the castle - throwing an invader called "Nameless Usurper" off a balcony before reaching a higher landing where I was introduced to the Queen, Nashandra.

Given how the balconies are constructed, she must like yelling?

She was sitting too far away to get a good look at, but she claims Vendrick never took the throne and that I should take it myself. She also suggested I go find Vendrick first for answers. "Could you maybe call your guards off then?" She just smiled and didn't reply. Fantastic. Not far off I met up again with Pilgrim Bellclaire and got her help in taking down two dragonrider knights (one being the guy who jumped into the water before). It's an easy victory and while I rest up at the next bonfire, Bellclaire continues her exploration. Inexplicably, Benhart is resting here too - swearing to assist me as I helped him.

Dark Souls II: Earth Mover

Tales from Dark Souls - spoilers ahead! You can follow the rest of the story here!

Balor (erm I mean the old iron king), is a ridiculously simple fight with easily readable moves yet he still manages to 1HKO Manhunter O'Harrah and knock me into the instadeath lava lake half a dozen times. I finally win but am frustrated that it took me so many attempts. Using the bonfire just past him scares the bejeezus out of me though since it explodes as a shrubbery appears to tell me "I'm interesting" then goes away. WTF? Ok to be fair, he also speaks a little bit about King Vendrick, who "almost" claimed the throne. Whatever that means.

Hello Mr. Jump Scare!

There's also another shrine teleporter here which leads to more locked doors so I return to Majula where I find a new, stout fella named Gillian sitting by the pit. He claims to be a laddersmith so I pay him a fair bit of souls for his longest ladder. This pays off in that it leads to a key! Not to the locked doors in the lava lake but to the locked doors beyond the lair of the Rotten!

I sure hope he decides to land.

Following the path down I find myself in a huge cavern which houses the ancient Sanctum City. The Mayan temple in the distance is a nice touch. This place is guarded by giant, poisonous skeleton warriors, corrosive bugs, and more poison shooting statues - these ones actually move since they ride little turtles! Even cooler is that the city landscape changes upon hitting switches (which I accidentally discovered during combat). Whole buildings move to form or reveal new paths. Best of all, there's a great white dragon down here. I suspect I'll be fighting him eventually!