Watch Dogs

Where you play as a gun-toting wizard with a magical mobile phone.

Ubisoft has a thing for open world games, and in this one you get to explore modern day Chicago as a very flawed, hypocritical and ultimately boring murdere vigilante with a magical cell phone. This is to make up for his lack of parkour ability when compared to the other well known Ubisoft open world series: Assassin's Creed. The many nods to that game here are pretty funny.

The city is huge, and as expected there are a good number of mini-games to do and skills to unlock while exploring it. Fortunately getting around via train, car or boat is pretty easy once you get the hang of it - complete with a decent enough selection of radio music to listen to while traveling. Another thing to get a hang of is the magical phone which simply gives too much information on the many NPCs. You can turn off the profiler, but most/all the good things only happen when its up.

Doubles as a handy cultist finder!

While it is certainly an entertaining game (and possibly addictive if you like Grand Theft Auto type chaos) there are a number of things that I found annoying. First it's a soft game audio wise, I needed to turn up the volume a bit to hear anything. Also, the protagonist and most of the other characters (specifically those related to him) are morons. I guess it runs in the family? Some tasks fail because you killed the main target, despite killing all his henchmen, some civilians and possibly some police officers in the process, while others it's ok to just go on a killing spree? 

Also half the missions are working as the exact type of person the protagonist is supposed to hate (killers), but if you want total completion then... oh well? There's also one part where you run the same map three or so times (because plot device), when really if you just did the "third" time first it would have saved everyone a lot of trouble. At least the difficulty (on Realistic anyway) is good, but there's just something lacking. A likable protagonist maybe? I didn't really give a crap about him or his feelings throughout the entire game.

The game is alright for one ride but pretty much becomes "meh" soon after the first act. I give it two and a half stolen cars out of five. If you want an open world title where you actually care for the protagonist, try Assassin's Creed: Black Flag instead. Edward Kenway is awesome.

Assassin's Creed: Rogue

It counts on your kleptomania.

Since I'm currently dealing with assassins in my Skyrim adventure I thought it would be a good time to review this game!

In this outing of Assassin's Creed you get to play as Shay Cormac, who enjoys the maps, systems and side characters from AC3 and Black Flag. This is good, because Cormac himself is not a very compelling character - not even compared to Connor (who I didn't like). The method they tell his tale via "glitched memories" is a silly one, and it also doesn't help that he seems to be deaf in his left ear as the "hearing based on which direction you are looking" idea is a bit broken - and honestly, stupid. I hear better than that in real life. :P

Not that it matters though, since he's pretty much a walking machine of destruction just like any other Assassin's Creed hero, complete with the insane number of weapons (this time including a grenade launcher) while parkouring about in New York or the little ports in the Frontier and North Atlantic. Those three big maps are mainly navigated by sailing, which is fine, but you will probably miss the horse riding at some point because most of the maps are empty space and some wandering NPCs. Indeed, the only purpose to venture out into most spots is to acquire collectibles of which there are GAZILLIONS.

Of course I went and got them all.

Also back is the hunting and crafting parts where you can take a break from murdering people to murdering animals (some of which are not so defenseless). For resource sinks you can upgrade your ship, your gear, and renovate structures all over the place. Perhaps the best addition for me though are the assassin enemies. Since Shay gets hunted later on in the game, it's fun to have the tables turned where sly bastards are waiting for you in the bushes, tree tops or haystacks and can only be detected via eagle vision (because that's a teachable skill apparently).

Ridiculous hiding techniques deserve bullets to the head.

It doesn't help that the hidden people whisper gibberish pretty loudly as you get closer though. I'm beginning to question the intelligence of these "assassins". Even their "Everything is permitted," motto is sort of the anarchist/terrorists go to line. On the seas the epic battles also make a return, and the last one is a real fun challenge. On land you may never see the strongest enemies in the game: the bounty hunters. While their naval counterparts are pushovers, the ones on foot can easily stand toe to toe with Shay. I suppose they are only there to dissuade you from killing innocents.

Also returning in this installment is the silly management/idle game game, this time in the form of the Naval Campaign. To be fair, this is the best version of it I've seen and it actually ties back to your fleet of captured ships etc. Unfortunately many missions are behind time block bullshit (wait 2+ hours for this mission to finish) which means only the most tenacious (or most casual) of players will see it to its 33 mission completion.

All up it's pretty fun for kleptomaniacs and good to get more screen time for characters from the other games, but is just one of those games that doesn't really have any substance to it that will be missed. I score it two out of tune sea shanties out of five.

Design: Credits

[Whacking it into the Design folder just so I don't lose track of it later.]

More of a Single Player game failure here: Unskippable Credits might enforce the idea that you really want to give credit to everyone involved (like Assassin's Creed 3), but what actually happens? I leave them running while I go off to do other things. Like poop. Is that what you want? For people to walk away and take a dump while your credits roll? I'm sorry, I don't need to waste my time reading whoever did what in your game.

Compare this to the interactive credit roll of Black Flag or better yet, in Devil May Cry 3 (spoilers link!). At the end of that awesome game, there's a small emotional moment and then the player then continues to fight a whole bunch of minor demons while the credits roll to rock music. That is how you do it. Sure I don't remember who did what there either because I was busy enjoying myself, but at least I sat through it.

Movies, while lacking the interactive part, can and should have a credit opening that advances the story - or if not, at least be entertaining. Best openers off the top of my head would probably be Lord of War and possibly some of the Bond movies. Bad one from recent memory is Taken 3. That is a good example of how not to do opening credits!

Payday: The Heist

I once said I'd never play this, then I got it as a gift and guess what? I like being the bad guy. :P

I had a quick look at my review list to see any non-MMO titles where you actively played as a villain, at least in part of the game. As of this post, I found four: Black Flag (Kenway's a Pirate), Thief (Garret steals stuff), Shadow Warrior (Lo Wang is a bad dude and works for a bad dude), Necrovision: Lost Company (Nazi Zimmerman unleashed a zombie plague). This is the first coop shooter I've played where you are the bad dudes. Four misfits trying to get rich quick.

AKA - Four stupid clowns.

While there are Heists which let you walk around and case the places first before going into the "action" segment, most missions actually just drop you right into the action where something just went wrong. By rule of thumb something ALWAYS goes wrong, mainly because the "fifth" member, an NPC strategy guy comes up with the most ludicrously hilarious plans to get your objective and get your team out. It also helps that you are penalized for shooting civilians and are actually encouraged to take hostages from both them and the police force.

Hostages can be traded later to get downed allies to respawn quicker which is a pretty clever idea. Also clever is the "fairness" of the police AI. They don't swarm you like hornets unless you are standing near a camera or making a lot of noise. They actually go hunt you down slowly, albeit in ridiculous numbers. Their special forces are also cool, from the tanky shields and bulldozers to the agile tazer dudes and wall running spec ops guys that down you instantly if they reach you. It is to the point of being comical which is what gives this title a free pass into the bad guy zone.

Also impressive is the "drop in" capability of letting friends just join a game in progress, and while lag is slightly present when I host it is still very playable and enjoyable. I also very much like that the worldwide success rate for each map is shown during mission selection, and that no rating is currently higher than 30%. So far my brothers and I have won 2 maps but there are plenty to go. There is a slight lack of customization I've found, but that might be remedied by gaining more experience/reputation.

All up, I'm glad to say I shouldn't have judged this book by its cover and give it three and a half bullets out of five. I recommend it especially to those who already have cooperative game teams.

Assassin's Creed 3

New characters and beautiful maps really make the game worth exploring again.

It's great having first played Black Flag then going backwards to see the development process for the naval ship idea. In Revelations there was a segment where Ezio had to break out of a harbor which was pretty cool. The whole sailing part was already introduced here as sort of a side game, one of many given that there are board games and QTE hunting to do too. It's no secret the sailing segments are my favorite, but what else did I like?

The killing! Wait, you mean apart from the killing?

The many huge maps to explore, not just cities either. The open frontier is awesome, especially on horseback. At least when they give you the horse whistle ability. I also quite liked Desmond getting a chance to do more than just sit in the Animus, more than usual anyway in modern settings. Obviously they were testing to see how that could be done with the lack of haystacks these days. The solution is one they looked to be testing here: BASE jumping. I also quite liked the story of the whole thing and found the voice acting to be superb.

Having six unique recruits with their own abilities was also a lot better than the bunch of hard-to-remember throw aways added in Revelations, but ultimately unnecessary. After getting used to the slightly different controls it is business as usual for the assassin heroes who are like gods that can't even be put down by enemy firing lines as you regenerate quickly over time. Well, I still got thrashed by someone named "Rope Beater" a few times but he was a rare (and honestly, refreshing) exception. :P

This also seems to be where they worked on the notoriety system though it is a bit flawed in the execution here - why bribe criers or newspapers when pulling down three wanted posters is just as easy? Oh well.

On to the things I didn't like: There is a whole chapter in Native American. Yep. For some reason, the Animus which translated Altair and Ezio almost fully to English, fails to do it here. Why? That whole bit felt alienating but whatever. As a result I really disliked one of the main protagonists (Connor), not just because he's a douche bag but because of that. When he finally speaks English it's almost like I'm being introduced to a new character. One I don't really give a stuff about.

Moving on, the lock picking mini-game - stupid and a waste of time since there is really no threat to you while you do it. It's just there to slow you down. On the same vein, spelunking in large underground maps devoid of life is annoying (yet I still did it). Yes, I know they were trying to get the scale right or whatever but I'm just equating it to my maps in Neverwinter Online, no way would anyone get away with making such a sprawling and simultaneously boring place. 15 minute quests man. 15 minutes tops.

More to add to the useless list are: Hunting, Crafting and that god awful mini-management game. Why do they insist on putting that shitty management game? I know it continues on to Black Flag but I'll be glad if it is destroyed entirely. Fortunately it's not needed here and can be skipped, just like in the next game. I hope that people wise up and spend resources on something better than this crap. You also get a TON of tools you can use, but really you just need a sword, pistol and horse and you are set. Everything else is fluff.

Also, the Homestead missions. They are both really cool, and exceptionally stupid. Unfortunately, more on the stupid side of the scale. Oh, I could go try stop/win a war or you know, I could take the time to pick some flowers. The game also suffers from a long, unskippable credit roll and once again has some sort of PvP multiplayer attachment which instead of Abstergo training their own people is now better presented as an entertainment game. This sits a lot better and is followed through in Black Flag's main story, but is still just on the side content I'm not really interested in. If only they made a coop multiplayer version... I think that one is called Unity, right? :P

A definite improvement over Revelations but still nowhere near as good as Black Flag, I give this game three and a half arrows out of five.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations

Ezio is back as an old and tired guy - and that's kind of exactly how this game feels.

I know I played the Assassin's Creed games out of order when I skipped ahead to Black Flag after Brotherhood, so I was slightly expecting a reduction in quality when playing this older game. I just didn't realize how much. Right after the "Lucy Event", we find Desmond trapped / being kept alive in the Animus. Unlike the previous games we actually get to learn a fair bit about Desmond this time around, and it reveals that he is a fricking liar in the previous games (from what I remember anyway).

As usual his part is second fiddle to that of the now aged Ezio Auditore who seems to run just that bit slower that before, but is wise enough to carry parachutes for when the player does stupid jumps off the really high buildings of Constantinople. It's a pretty city, but it is the only main site in this game. There are only... what, two other explorable maps? Ezio has also brought with him his knowledge of city investment which really makes gaining money a breeze but is slighlty tempered by the "Templar Awareness" meter which goes up everytime you do an "illegal" action - like investing. Lol.

If you anger them too much they attack one of your hideouts in what has to be one of the stupidest tower defense mini-games ever. Yup. You setup barricades and your assassin minions to defend against a horde of invaders but the whole time the only thing I really needed, and wanted to do (but could not) is just jump down there and personally slay all of them. Because you are still Ezio and your counter kills are still as deadly as before. Segments with Altair are here too, and those are even more fun to play - almost more rewarding as in brings his story to a close.

The ultimate tag team?

The mini management of recruiting assassins and sending them out in a mini-game is present here, and gels far better than the same system in Black Flag (it was Kenway's fleet there). This is because your rookies can become Den Masters at level 10, opening more quests for you in the city and again at level 15 at which point they prevent the silly tower defense game themselves.

I guess I should mention you also have new gear in the form of a hook blade (you can flying fox down ropes and do some other minor things) and bombs, complete with a bomb making crafting segment. Honestly? They come in handy here and there but are totally unnecessary to someone who knows the combat system. Hide? What hide? Just draw your sword and walk right up to the elite guards and kill them. Sure the Janissaries have some nice moves but they don't carry as much meds as Ezio. No regen here, but it doesn't matter. :P

There is also a PvP multiplayer aspect present here again (Templars using the Animus as training) but I'm not sure it's even worth a mention as every single game type has "Low Player Activity" (old game). All up, this is a decent romp through the Assassin's Creed universe but nowhere near as neat as Black Flag. I give it 2.5 hidden blades out of five.

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag

You might have noticed a large gap between my last post and the one before it, and the main reason for it is this damn game which really brought out the kleptomaniac in me to collect and do all the things! Well, most of the things anyway. I've always liked the Assassin's Creed franchise but have missed a few after Altair and Ezio (up to Brotherhood). That didn't matter as Black Flag picks up a new protagonist in pirate Edward Kenway who is pretty much motivated throughout most of the game by greed, which sits well in both the setting and the available side activities which are done so well that they don't feel like side activities at all!

Privateers don't attack their own country, so... pirate fits better!

As a "Creed" game it has all the familiar stuff of climbing about, jumping into haystacks, hiding from guards occasionally and generally being a near unstoppable killing machine in combat. If you've played any of the previous games this is all the same. Fortunately it also only comprises of maybe 30-40% of the game (which is most of the main story).

What they've added here and added well is a pirate game. You sail your boat around the huge map (which is conveniently littered with fast travel points you can unlock) and can go fishing, treasure hunting and pillaging like the scoundrel you are. You'll find quickly though, that out at sea you -will- get your ass kicked if you don't upgrade the boat. No matter how good Kenway is at swordplay or his personal gear (which you can also upgrade) it won't matter against a cannonball or mortar shell. Even when you've finally upgraded fully there are a few set legendary ships you can try go after and wow, the Spanish ones especially proved quite challenging.

The only downside to some might be the shanties your crew sings but I found them really cool and was eventually humming or singing along to some of them (yes I played too much), but those can be turned off with a simple setting. Speaking of settings, you'll want to have your subtitles on so you can understand (even if Edward can't) what people are saying when they speak in Spanish, French, Portugese or bad olde English.

The modern day stuff (a standard in AC games I think) is interesting too with little hacking games (of frogger) but generally you'll be wanting to hook into the Animus for the most part to keep following Edward's story to its conclusion, and a fine story it is too. As usual the graphics are great though the camera can do some wierd things at times especially in melee. Not that it matters since the bad guys (erm, good guys?) need all the help they can get in that aspect.

Obviously if you don't like sailing games (or sailing games that don't go into depth of what rigging you put up or the build of your mast) or the Assassin's Creed series in general, this probably isn't the game for you. I found it mesmerising and fantastic, and despite it crashing on me every 30 minutes or less I give it 4.5 out of 5 cannonballs.