Your reward is Crabs

Part of my Explorer of Tyria journal - you can find the rest here!

As the "Secret of Southsun" draws to a close I can only speculate on the many questions left unanswered by this living story arc, mainly "WTF was this crap?". With the cowards (ahem, refugees) from the previous storyline relocated into Consortium slave-labour of Southsun Cove all the action was taking place on that not so little island paradise/hell. Quelling riots and running about re-exploring the island for weird flora samples were actually the highlight for me, but really there was not a lot of quest direction given at all so for achievement hunters the best bet was still to go ask Dulfy. A new PvP game called Crab tossing was also introduced where you basically use the young of the highly dangerous local crustaceans as a ball which for me was ok entertainment but got dull really quick since I'm not a PvP sort of guy.

Story-wise there were basically only two main things to do: recapture the sylvari terrorist Canach personally (because the Lionguard and Consortium are completely inept) and escort the contract papers out to a waiting ship, which is a little weird given there was a working asura teleporter right there. Both of those were solo quests which is great, and the second one was actually pretty fun and had a good twist. The first one was quite crap, given that regardless of your class/previous experience in the game - the only thing you needed to be now is a minesweeper. Literally. Canach was on god mode, and the only way to beat him was with his -own- mines. If that doesn't make sense, wait till I tell you about the new Karka Queen Mega-Meta event where the only way to remove her armor is by throwing her own eggs at her. On second thought, I won't bother. It's amazing people are paid to make this stupidity.

His defences are down NOW! Attack quickly before he gets a towel!

I guess the storyline was successful in that it managed to bring people back to the island, but if people are going to voluntarily stay there afterwards despite the terrible wildlife and faecal rewards (an ANet staple as they have a serious aversion to handing out gold, or letting people gain wealth other than from the Trading Post) is another matter as there are easier places to get already. Coming up next, the Dragon Festival in the only city that matters to Anet: Lion's Arch... again. Starting to wonder why they bothered making the other cities to begin with. They could always cycle the location of the festival/events but nope.

Flame, Frost and Donkey Kong

Part of my Explorer of Tyria journal - you can find the rest here!

ArenaNet has been pushing out its Living Story the past few months with all the pace of a sun-bathing glacier. Basically the proud Norn and warlike Charr are getting their butts kicked by a Dredge and Flame Legion alliance (aka "the Molten Alliance") so badly that they are mostly withdrawing not just to their capitals, but all the way to the karka infested isle of Southsun Cove. Well, supposedly. Sure, the molten dudes are popping out from magic portals and APCs here and there but there are still lots of towns out there that haven't noticed this supposed on-coming force; Butcher's Block is still in endless party mode and that place up in Wayfarer Foothills where they cook wurm eggs and have dozens of snoozing patrons hasn't changed one bit. Maybe they're just too drunk to notice anything wrong? Seems the only people actually affected come from previously unknown areas and I suspect part of the reason they are so pathetically weak is due to their unnatural clumsiness.

Or maybe they were also just drunk?

With their meager possessions (being refugees) lots of them still manage to "misplace" them along the various routes they took to run away while defacating themselves like the cowards they are. One of the tasks given to the COMMANDER OF THE FIRE-TRUCKING PACT is to go poke the mounds of dirt and feces left behind by these losers to retrieve them. Yep. For some reason this is one of the "highlight" activities of this story arc. Shovelling shit. Thanks ANet. As for the molten alliance themselves there are hints laying about in another scavenger type quest that indicate it's not Primordus driving these two armies together but something else. Popular theory is it is the Consortium, the competitors of the Black Lion Trading group. Their previous actions included happy things like letting the karka invade the mainland and opening the irritating and unstable fractal dungeon which now requires eternal vigilance lest it destroy reality. Far as I'm concerned all these pirate scum should die. May as well wipe out the barbaric Charr and soulless Sylvari while I'm at it too.

What's that? The Asura? No I love those little goblins, especially since part of the April release was the Super Adventure Box! Personally I feel this is ANet's best content since the Mad King (I did miss Wintersday so maybe that one was good too) which is ironic given all of its 8-bit Mario-ness. There's definitely a certain charm in the nostalgia, and for someone who absolutely dislikes the dungeons in this game I find the Super Adventure box to be awesome. No idea why, but it's a strong enough reason for me to get back into GW2 for a bit. Hopefully it sticks around and doesn't vanish at the end of April like ANet has said, because if it did - they really would be April fools.

Belated Happy Easter too! :)