Sunday, 23 August 2015

Jurassic Attack / City

[Day 24 of Blaugust 2015!]

Jurassic Attack

Aka. when CGI fails to blend with live action.

Some soldiers on the hunt for an evil general stumble upon an uncharted crater deep in the amazon. One filled with DINOSAURS! Not just one type either, there's a whole bunch here and they are pretty decently animated. Unfortunately, they are also not well shaded and really don't interact well with the live action bits going on around them which makes it even more ludicrous to watch. To be fair, some of the gunfire also makes no noise for some reason so if the real life bits aren't interacting well with itself I suppose there's really a problem huh? :P

I'm totes real man.

The plot, which involves a pretty optimistic outlook on the number of survivors in aircraft crashes, is a pretty stock standard escape the predators scenario and just to tick that B-grade movie also fulfills the requirement of having any female cast member have shots in their undies. There's also bad acting to be had as well as the slightly bigger problem that the main protagonist is a douche bag. I was starting to like the "bad guy" more and more as the movie went on. Anyway, if you are looking for a "so bad it's good" movie this might fit the bill but taking it on the level I'm giving it one CGI dino out of five, and stamping my don't bother watching stamp on it.


Jurassic City

Totally unrelated to the first movie, yet could have been.

A secret government agency has been keeping dinosaurs captive in a secure site, but when it's proven the site is not as secure as it needs to be Captain "grenade launcher" is sent to divert a transport bringing more dinosaurs (from where exactly is never specified) into the parking garage of a detention facility which happens to also house a recently apprehended serial rapist/killer and a bunch of really moronic girls.

Hey dinosaur! Want to get into the spa with us?

You can tell the quality of the film when at the five minute mark they already get to the section of mandatory female undressing. Like Jurassic Attack, the dinos are actually animated passably - however they fail to interact with the live action stuff convincingly. It also features characters who you are actively willing to get killed which is never good especially if they are the protagonists. It's kinda sad since I am a Ray Wise fan but I have no choice - don't bother watching this movie. I give it one CGI dino out of five.

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